lukas1315 Posted April 7, 2019 Share Posted April 7, 2019 Hi everyone, So, I met this girl a couple of months ago at a friends party. We ended up kissing that night and exchanged numbers. So for the past months we went on dates and I had a great time with her, she is very interesting and beautiful. She acts a bit reserved but I am usually a reserved guy myself and I tend to prefer being with people that also are. Scheduling dates was easy, we would schedule a date and a place and we would be there without any kind of “confirmation” on the day. The only thing that was annoying me at the beginning was that she never agreed to sex. After three dates it was really annoying to me and I felt that she was sort of messing with me. But since I was enjoying the dates I decided to go for a 4th date anyway and she told me on that day that she is just really slow about it. I went home with that and thought to myself that I was enjoying being with her, there was plenty of physicality and I felt she was honest about her timing. So I thought to myself that I would see how things go and things went well on the following dates. Then, one day I asked her out and she told me that she was really busy and tired to go out. She also said she was sorry and that she was going through some personal issues. She had already brought up that she was going through something in her life on one of our dates, we talked a bit about it and to me it was not a red flag. She was fired from her job and that was putting her down. And to sustain herself she has been doing a lot of freelance work, which takes a lot of time and energy and doesn’t pay that much. I have to say that it felt good talking about it, I felt closer to her. And on the same conversation she mentioned that she had tickets for a concert on the following week and asked if I wanted to go, which I agreed to. She then messaged me the next day asking me if I wanted to go to another concert with her on that day, which I couldn’t because I had a friends birthday. She was cool about it and said that we would see each other on the following week for the concert then. So, even though she was indeed going through something, I got that sense that she was enjoying going out with me and I definitely was enjoying her. And I also got from her that she is working on improving her life, she is on therapy, is sending resumes and so on. In a lot of ways I tend to respond similarly to such situations, which usually causes me a lot of loneliness and stress. So it felt alright to go out with her. We went to the concert the following week and had a great time together. A couple of days later she texted me saying she was at a bar close to my home with some friends and asked me if I wanted to go, which I did. When I got there, she introduced me to her friends and then suggested that we should go to a more reserved area. Later on her friends came to us to say goodbye because they were going home and she stayed with me. Some time later a friend of hers called her asking if she was still at the bar and she said she was but everyone else had left and she was on a date with me. That was important to me. So after that day I started to feel a bit different about her in a good way and despite my usual natural instincts, I let the feelings grow. So, fast forward a couple of weeks I asked her out and she told me that she had other plans for the day and didn’t suggest another date, which felt a bit weird, she always did suggest. I told her it was okay and we should try another day. Asked her out again today and she told me she had dinner plans with her father, so I just asked her if she was free some day later this week so we could meet, kind of already expecting a negative reply. She messaged me that she wasn’t sure explaining that a foreign friend of hers is going back to her country and she is going to spend her free time with her this week. Also told me “and to be honest, I am not in a good place right now, I am going through some things in my life and I am not excited about doing stuff”. Now, this friend of her is the same she blew a couple of weeks before saying that she was with me. So I got all confused and I am feeling a bit down. I know that the mentioned issues were there since the beginning but as I mentioned I let my feelings grow. To me this is she pulling back and communicating that she doesn’t want to date me anymore (since we weren't official I guess there is no "breaking up"). I am not sure how to respond. I obviously don’t want to force anything but I kind of wanted to let her know that the doors are open. I was thinking about texting her something along the lines “I understand what you are going through and call me if you change your mind”. Was hoping I could get some feedback on all this. Thanks in advance. Link to comment
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