Should I go back?

[RayofLighten]

Something tells me that there is allot more to this. In all this it sounded like you cared about what YOU wanted more than what he wanted. You have YOUR dog but didn't like the fact that he wanted his own. Like it's OK for you to have these things but no him. Animals are good therapy for people suffering with depression and they do make you happy. Some people do have therapy dogs. He got the dog but what do you do? You moved out. Why did you have to move out exactly? You kept messing with his head so it's no wonder he's depressed. I know you say you just wanted to make him happy but you weren't. Sound's like you were pushing for commitment when he wasn't ready and the fact that he would choose the dog over you shows that the dog makes him more happier than you do.

[RayofLighten]

He does work yes. I guess I understand the whole “being a project”, but it didn’t start out that way. Or I was blind to it? Not sure what the real answer is there because I truly fell madly in love with this guy. If it weren’t for the random slip into video games to escape reality and the dog, I’d still be there.

 

People with depression often slip into playing video games as a way of escaping for a short time, a way of taking their mind off their problems for a while.

[Hollyj]

Something tells me that there is allot more to this. In all this it sounded like you cared about what YOU wanted more than what he wanted. You have YOUR dog but didn't like the fact that he wanted his own. Like it's OK for you to have these things but no him. Animals are good therapy for people suffering with depression and they do make you happy. Some people do have therapy dogs. He got the dog but what do you do? You moved out. Why did you have to move out exactly? You kept messing with his head so it's no wonder he's depressed. I know you say you just wanted to make him happy but you weren't. Sound's like you were pushing for commitment when he wasn't ready and the fact that he would choose the dog over you shows that the dog makes him more happier than you do.

 

 

The dogs were not compatible, and they were advised the dogs should not be together.. The bf's dog is a pit bull. I would not put an elderly dog with a pit.

[Hollyj]

People with depression often slip into playing video games as a way of escaping for a short time, a way of taking their mind off their problems for a while.

 

Ray, this is not okay in a relationship. She said she was doing everything for his attention, but he wasn't present. The relationship is not healthy. he does not give a crap about her or her needs, and she is a co dependent. This was not working!

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. You did the right things ending it. You can't really build a future with someone like this. Regrets are normal so stay strong. Seek out support from friends and family and keep busy. Consider short term therapy to sort out and reflect on this.

him with depression, me with wanting a commitment from him to a stronger future. his depression often led to marathons of video gaming and countless nights of me begging for his attention or to talk at the minimum. I moved out. It’s been about 3 weeks now.

[Gary Snyder]

He obviously has issues (depression for one, and who knows what else?)

 

I hate breakups, and cringe when I say this, but I think you could find somebody better.

Again, my head and my heart are at war with each other. I think I have to stick with my head, but I’d like to hear some other opinions because I’m confused.

 

- listen to your head, your logic. Your heart is a liar.

 

For the best catch, find someone who is sane.

[Nickel Speed]

He has chosen the dog over you. That's all you need to think about.

 

If he's begging you to come back it's probably because he misses the things you do for him. There's no way to work it if the dogs don't get along.

 

Nobody who loved someone would choose a dog over the person he loved. Let him have the dog and his video games to keep him happy. Find someone who loves you more than anything.

 

 

It isn't easy, but it is entirely possible to keep the dogs separated for the remainder of the older dog's life. It sounds like the Pitt is just playful, not aggressive. The Pitt can be trained and restrained. It is possible to isolate the dogs from each other until the older one passes.

 

Would it be worth it to you to talk with your ex about this?

 

 

He does work yes. I guess I understand the whole “being a project”, but it didn’t start out that way. Or I was blind to it? Not sure what the real answer is there because I truly fell madly in love with this guy. If it weren’t for the random slip into video games to escape reality and the dog, I’d still be there.

 

Depression comes and goes in some form with everyone. I use video games myself as an escape, even when not depressed. In the end though, the only real solution is to address the cause (work, relationship, etc.)

 

I think it could have been predicted than an animal lover would fall in love with a dog while depressed, so I'm not sure why you are surprised he ended up wanting one. I am concerned though by his lack of consideration for you when making the decision. If he's truly remorseful, you may be able to work it out. I wouldn't get in a hurry and move back in with him right away, certainly not until you are comfortable with the situation.

[DancingFool]

The dogs are a red herring here. The OP is deeply invested in this relationship, but the guy has refused to commit. They way he spoke about her and to her regarding the dog very much highlighted and drove home the fact that he doesn't see her as a partner and that he isn't willing to act like a partner to her either.

 

I think her moving out was the best decision she's made in a long time regarding this relationship. You can't keep investing yourself in someone who doesn't want to treat you the way you want to be treated. No doubt he is singing your praises right now because he is missing the housekeeping, cooking, laundry, other services, etc. Don't confuse being used for love though. Block him and stay gone. Yes, it will be hard at first, but.... you deserve to find a man and a relationship that you actually want and this man is never going to give it to you. You wouldn't keep putting money into a bankrupt company, so don't keep investing your life and emotions into a bankrupt relationship.

[hyden]

He says if I loved him, I’d find a way to make it work.

 

This specific line jumps out at me. With everything else you mentioned about this guy, add this in and you don't think you will regret going back to him? Seems like he has about as much training (in relationships) as his new dog...

[abitbroken]

The dogs are a red herring here. The OP is deeply invested in this relationship, but the guy has refused to commit. They way he spoke about her and to her regarding the dog very much highlighted and drove home the fact that he doesn't see her as a partner and that he isn't willing to act like a partner to her either.

 

I think her moving out was the best decision she's made in a long time regarding this relationship. You can't keep investing yourself in someone who doesn't want to treat you the way you want to be treated. No doubt he is singing your praises right now because he is missing the housekeeping, cooking, laundry, other services, etc. Don't confuse being used for love though. Block him and stay gone. Yes, it will be hard at first, but.... you deserve to find a man and a relationship that you actually want and this man is never going to give it to you. You wouldn't keep putting money into a bankrupt company, so don't keep investing your life and emotions into a bankrupt relationship.

 

I agree 100% here. It is *not* really about the dog. The dog is only a symptom or when she finally realized what is really going on in this relationship. He has not wanted a commitment, and is not commitment-worthy, yet she tried to pound a square peg in a round hole. She wants marriage, but downgraded in "a commitment to move forward" to lower the bar and stoop