i need help

[YayaFonseca]

Hello I need advice on how to handle a relationship situation with my girlfriend / ex

To give u a little back ground

We met 2 years and half ago and became the closest friends and a year and half ago she approached me and we started dating with time she moved in with me and we eventually got a place of our own. We definitely love or better say are in love with each other we admit we are who we want to be with wish I know I have not been the easiest to deal with we have had a lot of very bad arguments ending in physical fights we both have had a rough path and we took that anger out on each other with time I changed a lot I started therapy I been working on myself with her help and support but a week ago we had an argument wish ended up physical again and she said that she realized that day she also needs help she also needs to change and broke up with me we still live with each other and is very hard I had told her that we can put our relationship on a pause while we both work on hourself without having to break up because anyways we live together we still say I love u we still kiss sleep on the same bed but one day is like that and the next she rejects me or acts short with me I am supposed to sit and talk to her today to set up boundaries or get on the same page but I have no idea what should I even do or say or what is the best decision because is hard we are each other support system and we have dogs together cars together lease and neither me or her want to leave each other but we know we also need to work on ourselves.. what should I do??????

[Rose Mosse]

What are the main triggers in these fights/arguments? Ie. what is the usual trigger or situation?

[YayaFonseca]

Anything for her she says is things I say or when she gets to mad she over react gets anxiety attacks mixed with panic attack and she freaks out on me and I respond by defending myself and hiring back and for me I am still figuring it out I have been going to therapy and it has helped a lot but I still have moment that if we argue and I get to mad at what she says or when she says she is leaving I guess I get scared and I hit things or break things I have only been physical that I started about 2 times only the rest I just react at her hitting me

[Rose Mosse]

That is not specific enough if you want to work through problems successfully. You both have to sit down and identify exact problems, not skim over them, and say 'anything'. Accusations should be quantified with specific events. Otherwise, they are just leftfield comments with no weight and also no possible way of reconciliation or problem-solving. You mentioned you're going to therapy. Is she also going to therapy? Is there any drug use between either/ both of you?

[RedDress]

In all honesty - since the relationship and arguments have become physical - and you are only dating (not married with children, etc) - I think you should simply break up and go your separate ways. I know that’s not what you want to hear - but some people are just like oil and water... and frankly... once you get to the point of hitting each other - there are major issues you are both facing and need to work on independently.

 

It could take YEARS to reverse the dynamic you have created between you... and yanno.. sometimes it’s just better to scrap it all and start over.

 

I am skeptical that you will take my advice - but in all honesty - I think you should end it now before one of you winds up in jail or worse.