Guy I'm dating

[EBeugger]

So I started seeing this guy C, through a mutual good friend of ours in end of feburary. We hit it off, and went on date two weeks later. He lived 1h45 mins from where i go to school, but when I go home for the weekends its only 20 mins for each of us. He's come up a few times to go out with a group of friends, and we've had three official dates since our initial meeting. I feel like I always have to make the effort to initiate things, but he eagerly responds everytime. I'm just worried he doesn't like me and that I'm wasting my time.

[SherrySher]

Has he drove to come see you? Has he ever been the first one to suggest a date?

[Honeycomb8]

I have this thing where I never initiate a text convo at the start of dating someone. In the past every time I saw them, after we go our separate ways I always just expect them to text me first and I'll respond accordingly lol. This carries on for two months at least.

 

I think it's very important that a guy initiates at the start because it indicates interest.

 

Even in a past relationship where we dated for basically 3 years, I basically let the guy initiate in the first 8 months at least and he would initiate convos 70% of the time after. I know it sounds extreme but being cool about it at the start is very important to me. Eagerness is a turn off.

[SGH]

I have this thing where I never initiate a text convo at the start of dating someone. In the past every time I saw them, after we go our separate ways I always just expect them to text me first and I'll respond accordingly lol. This carries on for two months at least.

 

I think it's very important that a guy initiates at the start because it indicates interest.

 

Even in a past relationship where we dated for basically 3 years, I basically let the guy initiate in the first 8 months at least and he would initiate convos 70% of the time after. I know it sounds extreme but being cool about it at the start is very important to me. Eagerness is a turn off.

 

For 8 months? I'm surprised the guy didn't lose interest. If I was him, I would have thought you didn't like me or weren't invested. I can understand 60/40, but if it gets less equal than that for me, it ceases to be a relationship.

 

OP, I agree you should be worried. I think he would have initiated by now if he was invested in more than casual dating. Back off and let him make a move. You'll have your answer about whether you're wasting time.

[smackie9]

It's the distance hun, that's why. Sure he comes up to see you but he's got friends there he sees anyways...he's keeping his options open. I'm not sure why you are questioning this, when it's pretty straight forward he's not interested in anything serious.

[Rose Mosse]

No initiative? No can do.

 

All it takes is a simple hello or good morning or a thoughtful message to brighten someone's day. If your man can't muster that up or doesn't have that winning skill, you should make the decision if this is the type of man for you. For me and in my experience, for every one man out there with great initiative and spark(consistent spark!), there are another hundred million that feel as lifeless as a soiled diaper. Catch and release. If you're wondering, there are better out there.

[Keyman]

Honestly, I don't think he is that interested to not have initiated at all.

 

As an obviously lifeless soiled diaper that wouldn't stand up to Rose Mosse's demands, I think taking the initiative should be a mutual thing. I'm happy to initiate first but if a girl I have started dating hasn't initiated at least once in the first handful of communications, or hasn't suggested a date in the first handful of dates, I lose interest. I would prefer to have a woman who is interested in me not one who is only interested if I show her attention.

[purplepaisley]

If he makes little to no effort to see you, he's just not that interested. Sure, he likes you well enough that when you ask him, he'll make a plan with you, but if not, meh, he will go about his business. Stop chasing him. If he's interested in you, he'll make the time and take the initiative to call, text, and initiate one-on-one dates. I wouldn't call it a waste of time if you're okay with this casual thing you've got going, but if you're seeking a serious relationship, this guy doesn't seem to be the one.

[Coily]

If there isn't a balance in communications it's hard to believe there is a high enough level of interest. When communications becomes a job/chore you are going to stagnate, went through that last year and I blindly kept doing all the hard work of keeping communications going. Got a veritable slap in the face later. Now this year found a 50/50 balance and it's an obvious difference. Lesson learned.

 

It also sounds like you two are College age, so he may also mistakenly be still trying to play it cool. I'd say slow the communications roll and if he picks up great, if not you aren't too wrapped up.

[Gary Snyder]

Five weeks and only 3 dates?

 

Tell me you two have had your first kiss by now?

 

 

Originally Posted by Honeycomb8

I have this thing where I never initiate a text convo at the start of dating someone. In the past every time I saw them, after we go our separate ways I always just expect them to text me first and I'll respond accordingly lol. This carries on for two months at least.

 

I think it's very important that a guy initiates at the start because it indicates interest.

 

Even in a past relationship where we dated for basically 3 years, I basically let the guy initiate in the first 8 months at least and he would initiate convos 70% of the time after. I know it sounds extreme but being cool about it at the start is very important to me. Eagerness is a turn off.

 

 

For 8 months? I'm surprised the guy didn't lose interest. If I was him, I would have thought you didn't like me or weren't invested. I can understand 60/40, but if it gets less equal than that for me, it ceases to be a relationship.

 

- look at the bright side - if the man initiates everything, the woman never pesters him! Silly but true! Some women are nags, but not this one! Sounds like a good catch to me! Okay, I'll marry you, but I wanna have kids!

[katrina1980]

Many years ago, guy I was dating for about six months dumped me because I never initiated.

 

And we always had a great time too; he told my friend and her bf who set us up why he dumped me, he liked me, was attracted to me, but since I never initiated he became frustrated and felt he was just a convenience for me and/or that I wasn't that into him..

 

Same exact thing women assume when a man doesn't initiate, like on this thread.

 

Now after like the third or fourth date, I start initiating a bit and it's much more balanced and healthy.

 

My bf loves it when I initiate, whether it's emailing him a song or planning a date, like getting tickets to a sporting event or something.

 

I honestly cannot believe what a "princess" I used to be, I was raised to believe men did the chasing, which some men actually like doing (my ex did) but I prefer more of a balance now.

 

OP, if you're doing ALL the initiating, that's not good. This might sound like a game but how about stop initiating and see if he steps up to the plate?

 

Then again, that is what the guy who dumped me did, he pulled back majorly and I just assumed he lost interest in me!

[Honeycomb8]

For 8 months? I'm surprised the guy didn't lose interest. If I was him, I would have thought you didn't like me or weren't invested. I can understand 60/40, but if it gets less equal than that for me, it ceases to be a relationship.

 

OP, I agree you should be worried. I think he would have initiated by now if he was invested in more than casual dating. Back off and let him make a move. You'll have your answer about whether you're wasting time.

 

I show my interest and eventual feelings through actions and some words. It's not like I'm stone walling them lol, I just won't initiate txt at the start. I used to spend a lot of time with certain exes but with texting I still think it's better when a girl isn't being too forward.

 

 

That's just my style. Everyone is different.

[katrina1980]

I read somewhere, can't remember where, that men "pursue" and women "respond."

 

That if a woman positively responds to him, accepts his dates and is enthusiastic about him and on dates, that's all he should need to know that she's into him and to continue his pursuit.

 

That men are the "hunters" they actually like to hunt. That they appreciate more those things in life (which includes women) they have to work for a bit.

 

I still believe this true to some extent but for me now, I actually enjoy initiating sometimes, planning fun things for us.

 

It makes me happy doing something that I know will make him happy.

 

And he does same for me!

 

We don't even think about who initiates anymore, it just sort of flows naturally.

 

Works for us anyway.

[Honeycomb8]

^ yeah I'm engaging through text and in real life, I just think some bit of mystery is a good thing.

[katrina1980]

^ yeah I'm engaging through text and in real life, I just think some bit of mystery is a good thing.

 

Me too!

 

A little more than a year together, I am still a BIG mystery to my bf, lol.

 

I don't think he'll ever have me totally figured out, my nature can be so changeable, but it keeps him on his toes and coming back.

 

Might drive another man up the wall, but it appears my bf likes it, there's someone for everyone I guess.