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Girl i was seeing goes travelling


Izac1789
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So i was seeing a girl for 6 weeks recently and it went perfectly. We both got on so well and it was amazing, but she had already booked a trip to go travelling for 6 months. We agreed to just forget about it and carry on as normal before she left. When she left we agreed it is best to stay single, but hopefully keep in contact. Anyway, since being away, we would message every day and it was all very loving and going well. However, i found out she slept with another guy via a social media post from her friend that i came across and put 2 and 2 together so i asked her and she told me. After that i found it hard to keep messaging every single day so loving if she is then going to sleep with other guys at the same time. I told her this and suggested we cool things off and just catch up less frequently but keep in contact and then see how things go when she gets home. We did this a little but then she would message me every day again and it become regular once again. When drunk, we got on to the subject of other partners etc once again and this time she told me she had now slept with 3 other guys.. I havent slept with anyone else. She had told me a few days before she doesnt want to feel guilty for anything she does when she is away. A couple of days after her telling me this i told her that it is not fair to tell someone you love them and then to sleep with other people and it is not really fair. I also said that it if you are texting someone telling them you love them then that comes with certain expectations. Then i wished her well for the rest of her trip.. She just replied saying thanks will do and then unfriended me on social media...

 

Obviously we are not officially together, and its her choice what she does but just wondering if i have made the right decision? Who knows what will happen upon her return ?What do you all think?

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It seems as though you got caught up in some false hope because you guys were messaging every day. I think the lesson learned here is that if you agree to be single and still stay in contact, you need to let go of expectations of what that other person does.

 

That all being said... yes I think you did the right thing by setting boundaries and letting her know that you don't welcome someone in your life whose actions don't match their words.

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When she left we agreed it is best to stay single, but hopefully keep in contact.

 

Just because she kept in touch and was loving didn't mean she was "with" you

 

I think you made up this relationship in your head because you were texting every day.

 

You did the right by ending it because you are obviously in very different places emotionally

 

Keep moving on

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Just because she kept in touch and was loving didn't mean she was "with" you

 

I think you made up this relationship in your head because you were texting every day.

 

You did the right by ending it because you are obviously in very different places emotionally

 

Keep moving on

 

She was the one who would message me first very day, and would say she loves me and would ask me if i had slept with anyone else etc.. So was confusing! But yes i agree move on..

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She's single, she can do what she wants. Did you expect her to stay celibate for 6 months? You're acting like she cheated on you, but she didn't.

 

Of course not, i said to her its her choice etc and she had nothing to feel guilty for but i just couldn't text her every day saying we love each other as we were if she was then sleeping with other guys surely that is reasonable?

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Not only did you do the right thing, you demonstrated maturity and self respect.

 

You are absolutely correct, that telling someone that you love them should have more meaning than just whatever while they also tell you about sleeping around. The two don't go hand in hand. About only adjustment you should make mentally is that after just 6 weeks of dating, there is no genuine love. Infatuation, sure, but true love is more quiet and takes a long time to grow. In this case, this girl was basically stringing you along with empty words, while treating you like a girl friend bragging about who she bagged on her trip so far. She sounds incredibly immature and not ready for anything but the bit of fun she is having.

 

This means that you don't put your life on hold for so little. When you called her out on her bs, she blocked you because she realized that you are not a doormat. Again, good for you. Early on in dating, keep your feet firmly on the ground and don't fall for words, pay even more attention to actions faster.

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Not only did you do the right thing, you demonstrated maturity and self respect.

 

You are absolutely correct, that telling someone that you love them should have more meaning than just whatever while they also tell you about sleeping around. The two don't go hand in hand. About only adjustment you should make mentally is that after just 6 weeks of dating, there is no genuine love. Infatuation, sure, but true love is more quiet and takes a long time to grow. In this case, this girl was basically stringing you along with empty words, while treating you like a girl friend bragging about who she bagged on her trip so far. She sounds incredibly immature and not ready for anything but the bit of fun she is having.

 

This means that you don't put your life on hold for so little. When you called her out on her bs, she blocked you because she realized that you are not a doormat. Again, good for you. Early on in dating, keep your feet firmly on the ground and don't fall for words, pay even more attention to actions faster.

 

Thank you for this, i feel i fell too hard in that short time and will definitely be more careful in the future. Thanks

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You did the right thing. Her words are empty, merely platitudes to keep the sweet guy (you) happy and at her beck and call for when she returns. She's out there having fun while you are patiently waiting for her to come back. I can surmise that she is asking you if you have slept with anyone else so she doesn't feel so guilty but can guarantee she is relieved you have not as you provide the ego boost she needs.

Someone who is genuinely in love would not, under any circumstances, place themselves in a position to lose someone/something they value.

Sorry Izac1789, she does not care for you in the same way.

Hopefully you will be able to move on quickly as this will continue to eat away at your self-esteem and you deserve someone who would cherish what you have to give.

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When she left you both agreed to stay single! (first few lines of your first post, OP)

I think your expectations were a tad unrealistic and I'm sorry you weren't too realistic about what 'staying single' means. I don't feel like you're in the right head space because the message here was clear as day. If this isn't the right time for you to be dating, stay out of the dating pool. Focus on you and enjoy your life in different ways.

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When she left you both agreed to stay single! (first few lines of your first post, OP)

I think your expectations were a tad unrealistic and I'm sorry you weren't too realistic about what 'staying single' means. I don't feel like you're in the right head space because the message here was clear as day. If this isn't the right time for you to be dating, stay out of the dating pool. Focus on you and enjoy your life in different ways.

 

I agree we said that, I have no anger or resent towards what she has done/doing, it is her choice and i told her that. I wrote this thread more with asking if i have made the correct decision in cutting off regular contact or not. I didnt expect daily contact when she left but more every now and again to catch up, which would have worked better

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I agree we said that, I have no anger or resent towards what she has done/doing, it is her choice and i told her that. I wrote this thread more with asking if i have made the correct decision in cutting off regular contact or not. I didnt expect daily contact when she left but more every now and again to catch up, which would have worked better

 

Nah, keep your distance. There's awkward all over this. Plus she opened her legs x number of times faster than you can say umbrella. She's clearly not in the same head space as you. Given how much thought you've already put into this, you're both just not on the same wavelength, dude. Let her go for good. There are shinier, cooler fish in the sea!

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Nah, keep your distance. There's awkward all over this. Plus she opened her legs x number of times faster than you can say umbrella. She's clearly not in the same head space as you. Given how much thought you've already put into this, you're both just not on the same wavelength, dude. Let her go for good. There are shinier, cooler fish in the sea!

 

I agree we are not in the same head space. Thanks for your advice mate (y)

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