Nash82 Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 As the title says. My wife of 14 years (18 years together) left me about 4 weeks ago. She told me she just didn't feel the same way anymore. The first day I did all of the emotional things you'd expect - very needy, emotional, a little begging etc. As we can't afford two places to live, she moved in with her parents (about 10 minute drive away) because I don't have family where we live. It's been the hardest four weeks of my life. There are occasions when I don't feel like total garbage, but pretty much all day long all I can do is think about her. I took stock of why she might have fallen out of love with me and realised I had turned into a bit of a selfish ahole. I didn't a use her. Nobody had an affair. However, I took her for granted and just became lazy with our relationship. I didn't show her how much she meant to me at all. She also had a lot of other stresses that contributed. I don't think she felt she had much of an identity. Didn't have many hobbies or close friends and work was particularly stressful. I've genuinely been shocked into making some changes. I'm not making them to get her back, but because I don't want to be the person who I had become. We have two children (12 and 15) so have remained in contact for obvious reasons. We also have completely linked money so have had to meet to discuss that too. I find it so so hard. We had a talk about 10 days ago where she confirmed why she left (what I had predicted). We've had a few meetings as a 'family' where we've had dinner and it's been lovely. No stress. Catting and laughing away. But then she goes back and I'm left missing her drastically. She also got a little but tipsy as a party with her family last weekend. I was giving everyone a lift back and after everyone else was gone she told me it wasn't a physical thing for her leaving. She did miss me, but couldn't come back as she can't be hurt again. She did kiss me but I had to stop it as I knew it would make things worse (even though I wanted her more than anything). She felt terrible the next day and apologised saying it would never happen again. I had always thought I'd want to build a strong friendship with her after a while. She was my closest friend as well as my wife. She has said that although she doesn't think we should do activities together by ourselves right now she does think we'll be great friends in the future. I'm turn as I want to keep her in my life, but don't think I can handle not being with her. She is going for a short break tomorrow for 3 nights by herself. She said she needs to clear her mind and find herself. She's never been away by herself so she's nervous but it could also be good for her. I'm going to try and not contact her whilst she's away. She needs the time. I just don't know how I'm going to cope in the future. When she moves on to somebody else, it'll break me. I'm pretty sure she isn't looking for that right now though. How do I give up the hope she'll want to come back? I know there are still feelings there. They may not be the same. They may be buried, but after 18 years there's still something there. I just don't know what to do. Sorry for the stupidly long post. Link to comment
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