DanielC Posted April 1, 2019 Share Posted April 1, 2019 I have a problem and I need help. I am going to start this off with a filter. if you: - believe that you only have one soulmate in life. - can only fall 'in love' with one person. - have never challenged or questioned societal norms. Then: - Don't bother reading on. Alright, now that I have an audience which is atleast some what in a similar mind-set to myself. I need help desperately. So here is the story. I am a 25Yr old Male. I live in South Africa (which might matter). I have dated a girl since I was 16 meaning it will be 10 years worth of a relationship soon. I have always been the type of guy who works through problems and I am quite understanding, so honestly, I think if you love someone and you (and your partner) have these qualities, you could probably last for.. well a long time. My parents got divorced when I was 11 and for good reason. I saw them fight and swear at eachother on a daily basis. I never fight with my girlfriend. We are generally happy. Last year I had to move cities for my job, she was going to follow me but not immediately, only after she had found a job here. We ended up living a part for a year but I would visit her almost every month. Things were good, I loved my job, I got to see her, friends and family back home from time to time. But in this period a part I met another girl. She is just as beautiful as my current girlfriend, you could argue a little more according to my taste. She is also very smart (so is my current girlfriend but this girl is a bit more so). We got a long really well and one day we were both drinking and I guess.. it just happened. I cheated. It was just a kiss at first, but then we would go out another day and it would happen again and it wasn't too long before we ended up sleeping together. Look, I'm not proud of all of this and in fact I think I am a terrible person. Anyway, because I lived apart from my girlfriend and I only saw her from time to time, I had convinced myself that this was all just a small fling and that it didn't really mean anything. I had no intention of telling or breaking up with my girlfriend for this girl. But then over time we really started liking eachother and the sex was amazing. Let's be honest, if it was bad I probably wouldn't have continued. 6 months had gone by and it was now December. Reality was really kicking in because my girlfriend was going to move up and in with me in January. In December as well was when it was announced that this other girl loved me. I thought about it for a while and I announced it too. By our definition (and me and this girl have discussed it before) love is really just a deep sense of care for someone. We both didn't really believe in the whole fairy tale 'I am inlove with you' bull , cse that 'level' of love is just a subjective choice that varys from person to person. What is important is the happiness that person brings and your deep care for that person. Anyway I digress. The point is, here I am stuck in a frekkin situation where I love two girls. I mean right now this new girl makes me a bit happier than my actual girlfriend but it's not a fair measure. You can't expect things to be just as good 10 years down the line, right? So I really just can't make a decision that I feel confident about. I recently told my girlfriend that I needed to take a break because I felt like I wasn't sure if we were happy together or just comfortable. After all, we have been dating for 10 years and we really haven't gotten the chance to feel what it's like to be alone.. But this break was agreed to only last about 3 weeks (which I know is probably too little time). The thing is that we live together and it's difficult to make a decision to sell our house just to test out a break. She also has no friends of her own here since she just got here. So it would be really really hard on her if she were alone for a couple of months. In fact she has already indicated that if we needed to take a long break or if we broke up, she would move overseas to where her parents are. The other girl has also pretty much given me an ultimatum and said that, if I don't choose her then we can't be firends or see eachother anymore because it would be too hard for her. I am absolutely torn because I don't want to lose either person that I love. In fact I swear I am falling into depression. Please guys, just help where you can. ANY advice would be helpful. Feel free to ask questions. And before you guys tell me to tell my girlfriend about the other girl, know that I won't. I know that it would destroy our relationship going forward and I know that it is wrong of me but I really just can't. Thanks in advance. Link to comment
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