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How do i stop being jealous and controlling


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Work on your own self esteem.

 

If you truly felt you were awesome and the best match for her, then you would also feel that she would be dumb and foolish to cheat or run away. Why would you want to be with someone dumb or foolish?

 

These behaviors come from fear. The fear comes from low self-esteem.

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For starters, you stop rationalizing your jealousy or thinking of it as some inherent thing that makes you "accidentally" invade someone's privacy. That was a choice you made, and an awful one.

 

Time to start making new ones.

 

Just because you feel something—jealousy, anger, sadness, whatever—doesn't mean you have to act on it. Every single feeling is inherently temporary, something that passes—remember that, remind yourself of that. Learn to feel something without acting, and you gain a kind of strength, a power of yourself, and with that the feeling loses its sway, its power over you.

 

Also learn to process feelings in a way that isn't self-destructive or destructive to another. Maybe you learn that, when you feel jealous, it means you need to go for a run, to yoga, to the market to find something to cook. Something that softens it, that distracts you from its potency, so it can pass through you without becoming your compass.

 

Jealousy, in my opinion, is about the lamest, most useless feeling in the spectrum. A cousin to regret. Serves no purpose, and is really just an offshoot of personal insecurities. Figure out what those are, get a handle on them. And, hey, if there's ever a legit reason to be jealous—well, then it's time to rethink a relationship. Me, if jealousy becomes something I'm feeling on the regular inside romance I just walk away. It's boring. No time for that.

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Hi im 24 year old lesbian and my girlfriend is 24 and I get jealous everytime she messaging on her phone and i accidentally logged into her snapchat account and blocked people from talking to her

 

Your first step would be to be honest with yourself.

 

You know this was no accident.

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The first thing you have to realize is talk, like text, is cheap, but actions scream. She can't kiss and cheat over text, only if she meets them.

 

The other thing you should know is that mature people with integrity who are in love are naturally monogamous.

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Hi im 24 year old lesbian and my girlfriend is 24 and I get jealous everytime she messaging on her phone and i accidentally logged into her snapchat account and blocked people from talking to her

 

"accidentally" That was no accident. You may need some therapy to get over this as surely you know it's wrong.

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Not appropriate. I can understand most of us would like to hack our partners phones if we don't know the passwords already and start perma blocking our in-laws, stupid apps with unnecessary notifications, ugly screensavers etc etc etc. The list goes on and on what we want to control and overcontrol.

 

It's not the inkling of the controlling feeling that's bad. It's the inability you seem to have in checking your actions and thinking twice about how it affects others or your relationship with others. You should recognize that even in relationships tolerating and appreciating levels of autonomy in each other is critical. It's very important! Otherwise your partner becomes a complete clone of you and you'll realize you've lost: your mind/sanity and your loved one. Please think a little more intelligently through this next time, confess to the mistake and apologize wholeheartedly for it. Recognize specifically what's wrong with you. Work on your impulses (impulse control) and your appreciation for others.

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