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He picks fights the day after sex


JoriePedery
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When me and my boyfriend got together we had a very sexual relationship. And when I got pregnant alot of things changed, because after the first trimester I wasn't really interested in sex, Not 100% sure why, but I also had a lot of problems with my pregnancy, and so we didn't have sex very often. Now our daughter is a year old. And everynight we have sex the next day its like all he does is pick a fight with me. Also I have graves disease just found out so I have had problems with less sex intrest. And lots of tiredness. I was sleeping alot before i found out it was graves disease so i didn't feel good and havent gotten back into shape since our duaghter was born. So my stomach and hips and legs are still a bit chunky. And we had sex last night and all day he has been picking fits. He told me i looked nice. But hes not happy with the way i am. He made a comment that i should start raking laps around the house to help shrink my stomach. He told me he worries about my health. But doesn't take the disease into consideration. He told me that he wasnt going to tell me i look beautiful or pretty because he didnt want to encourage me to stay the wah i am. All of these things after we had sex last night. Literally ever thing that a women already thinks to herself as it is just got thrown at you by the one person who is supposed to support you and live you no mater what. And on a normal day this doesn't happen, it just had to be the day after we had sex, which in my opinion was really good. So i dont understand why this is happening it seems like the fights get worse and worse everytime we have sex. What do i do, i need advice i don't understand qhy hes like this. He made me cry today with every horrible thing he said which i tell myself day in and out alone. I don't need his help to feel like crap about my body now compared to before my pregnancy. Like what do i do to make this stop. Why does he pick foghts and say mean things? Why dows he snap. Its all only after a night of sex

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This sounds awful.. I'm sorry you are going through this, with a 1 year old baby to look after as well.

 

My ex husband was verbally abusive and I caught him looking at me with disgust after I had my daughter as my body had changed. It broke my heart. He compared me to his friends who where dancers and were fit.

 

My point is abuse is abuse. It does not get better unless you go to counselling together, which I recommend if you feel like this relationship can be salvaged.

 

You deserve love and respect, never forget it

 

I hope you get well really soon

 

All the best AB

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Yuck! I’m sorry you’re going through this. I would ask him why he gets so angry with you after sex? Sounds like he may have deeper issues not about you but going on with himself.

 

I honestly wouldn’t put up with this emotional abuse it will only get worse. I say you show him the door. Sounds like a horrible jerk!

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Have you actually discussed this with him? That's a good place to start.

 

I agree.

 

Not saying what he’s doing is right but he sounds frustrated with the way things have become.

 

Communicate.

 

I doubt you only ever fight after sex, you probably just notice it more because of your own insecurities with your heath right now.

 

You’re right he’s not making it any better

 

Talk to each other

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I would think that most people would know that you do not speak to people in this manner, unless he is a complete idiot. Would he speak to a female friend like this?

 

 

Cut off the sex OP. I am sorry that you are dealing with Graves on top of this.

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I wouldn’t be rewarding him with sex.

 

She is not rewarding him with sex.

She is feeling down about her own body image and having sex to negate that. But it’s not working for her. She has a condition that lowers her libido. Fine.

 

He said she looks nice. But that he is not happy with the way she is. He suggested exercise. It was her that said she is not happy with how she looks. Not him. He is frustratingly grasping at straws to come up with a solution to make her feel better about herself. He might not understand her condition but he is trying to help in the only way he knows how.

 

It’s on her to up her self esteem about her own body image post having a child.

He says she looks nice. He is not happy about the “way she is” and that is not how she looks physically but about her low self esteem. Poor guy .

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Agree. You need to redirect his focus on being a more involved father and more supportive partner. Never entertain discussions about your stomach, etc. Shut that conversation down immediately and ask him to help you out with the baby or chores or take the baby out/to his folks so you can have a break. Insist on more time to focus on yourself and your health and new motherhood.

 

Leave more chores, errands and childcare for him to handle so he has less time to ponder his sex life and your body. Also spend more time with friends and family. Either take the child or let mr critical and horny watch her while you go out and take some fitness, yoga, whatever classes or enjoy time with decent supportive people. He clearly has too much time to ponder his sexual needs and your shape.

 

As soon as he starts acting like an ass redirect and ask him to do a chore, errand, take the child, etc and leave the room. For example: him: "you should jog", you: "Can you go out and get some milk and diapers" or "can you take baby to your parents/out for a walk" etc. Never acknowledge or entertain mr beauty contest judge's bs. Never defend yourself or your body, simply refocus on his ineptitude and selfishness by suggesting things he need to do to be a decent father/partner.

I wouldn’t be rewarding him with sex.
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She is not rewarding him with sex.

She is feeling down about her own body image and having sex to negate that. But it’s not working for her. She has a condition that lowers her libido. Fine.

 

He said she looks nice. But that he is not happy with the way she is. He suggested exercise. It was her that said she is not happy with how she looks. Not him. He is frustratingly grasping at straws to come up with a solution to make her feel better about herself. He might not understand her condition but he is trying to help in the only way he knows how.

 

It’s on her to up her self esteem about her own body image post having a child.

He says she looks nice. He is not happy about the “way she is” and that is not how she looks physically but about her low self esteem. Poor guy .

It is a cryptic comment. ;) I know what is at play.

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She is not rewarding him with sex.

She is feeling down about her own body image and having sex to negate that. But it’s not working for her. She has a condition that lowers her libido. Fine.

 

He said she looks nice. But that he is not happy with the way she is. He suggested exercise. It was her that said she is not happy with how she looks. Not him. He is frustratingly grasping at straws to come up with a solution to make her feel better about herself. He might not understand her condition but he is trying to help in the only way he knows how.

 

It’s on her to up her self esteem about her own body image post having a child.

He says she looks nice. He is not happy about the “way she is” and that is not how she looks physically but about her low self esteem. Poor guy .

 

Did we read the same thread!

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Did we read the same thread!

 

Haha, I didn’t get that impression either but reading y’alls ‘you’re abused’ responses. I had the same thought.

 

Look at the verbiage in the post. You’re getting one side of he story from a highly emotional post but if you look the clues are there, she makes a ton of excuses for her heath, we aren’t privy to any of that so it’s almoat like a preemptive strike, yes I let myself go, yes I stopped trying. But but but.

 

She states he’s told her he’s worried about her health, that he’s going to stop complimenting her so she doesn’t stay this way. Wrong way to say, I’m concerned but at its core he’s saying I’m concerned.

 

Weight and health is a sensitive subject. And this boyfriend is not handling it correctly not by a long shot. But you can tell she’s given up. The verbiage alone screams it and the boyfriend sounds frustrated.

 

I doubt she will leave him. She’s frustrated and hurt and venting. If she doesn’t start trying to do something about her health though he probably is.

 

This isn’t about abuse to me, she’s given up and let herself go. I never thought it was fair that a boyfriend or spouse are pretty much forced to ignore that fact, a woman letting herself go after having a child, being a mom I’ve seen it some women look like completely different people after they have a baby I don’t mean just weight wise. I mean dirty unkempt clothes, just all around have up on being a woman, men are just expected to not say anything because of love. I don’t think it’s fair.

 

Is he acting right absolutely not, but again I think he’s frustrated, she could see a Dr. about her fatigue and graves disease. How fair would it be if a father had extreme fatigue, which would probably hinder his parenting skills and instead of him seeing a Dr. He did nothing and it got worse and his excuse is, well you know I have this problem! She stated ‘he’s supposed to love and support me no matter what!’ Not when a partner doesn’t care about themselves or their health, that’s so unfair to do to someone.

 

I don’t know there was just a lot in the backstory that shows there’s deffinetely another side to all this.

Edited by figureitout23
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Haha, I didn’t get that impression either but reading y’alls ‘you’re abused’ responses. I had the same thought.

 

Look at the verbiage in the post. You’re getting one side of he story from a highly emotional post but if you look the clues are there, she makes a ton of excuses for her heath, we aren’t privy to any of that so it’s almoat like a preemptive strike, yes I let myself go, yes I stopped trying. But but but.

 

She states he’s told her he’s worried about her health, that he’s going to stop complimenting her so she doesn’t stay this way. Wrong way to say, I’m concerned but at its core he’s saying I’m concerned.

 

Weight and health is a sensitive subject. And this boyfriend is not handling it correctly not by a long shot. But you can tell she’s given up. The verbiage alone screams it and the boyfriend sounds frustrated.

 

I doubt she will leave him. She’s frustrated and hurt and venting. If she doesn’t start trying to do something about her health though he probably is.

 

This isn’t about abuse to me, she’s given up and let herself go. I never thought it was fair that a boyfriend or spouse are pretty much forced to ignore that fact, a woman letting herself go after having a child, being a mom I’ve seen it some women look like completely different people after they have a baby I don’t mean just weight wise. I mean dirty unkempt clothes, just all around have up on being a woman, men are just expected to not say anything because of love. I don’t think it’s fair.

 

Is he acting right absolutely not, but again I think he’s frustrated, she could see a Dr. about her fatigue and graves disease. How fair would it be if a father had extreme fatigue, which would probably hinder his parenting skills and instead of him seeing a Dr. He did nothing and it got worse and his excuse is, well you know I have this problem! She stated ‘he’s supposed to love and support me no matter what!’ Not when a partner doesn’t care about themselves or their health, that’s so unfair to do to someone.

 

I don’t know there was just a lot in the backstory that shows there’s deffinetely another side to all this.

 

If she did not have Graves Disease, I would not be as sympathetic, as it would be In her best interest to get herself in a healthier place. Plus, she is dealing with a one-year old. She has a lot on her plate .

 

Did she state she wasn't getting medical care?

 

I agree. I am very physically active, and if my partner made a significant physical change it would be an issue. I would also not make such insensitive comments.

 

Perhaps, the abuse comment was overstated in this scenario.

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OK look, have this conversation with him...."The fighting has to stop because it's not helping me emotionally, which affects me physically. If you don't help me feel good about myself it won't encourage me to improve my situation. I know I do have things to deal with, and I really NEED your support, not your negativity. I want us to work together, get a plan, and work with a doctor to get things back to the way they should."

 

Now I get it he's being ad ick , BUT don't enable the behavior by engaging him during his abusive times. Walk away and tell him you will not have any of it. If he wants to TALK about it in a calm positive manner you will sit down and discuss it.

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He made a comment that i should start raking laps around the house to help shrink my stomach.

 

Obviously you were put on earth to satisfy his standards.

 

What a gem.

 

I'm sorry you have a child with him because it's going to make it more difficult for you to cut him out of your life :(

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