Utterlyhurt Posted March 29, 2019 Share Posted March 29, 2019 I just got broken up with someone I was dating for over a year and living with last six months. We had discussed marriage just last week. And the only answer given to why is her thesis committee wants her to change a few things. They liked the idea overall, but thought a few things could be changed. And I'm told that means pressure which is never ending in Academia and it also means I didn't really move in for love and didn't understand her. When I pointed out that was ridiculous she conceded the point, but said she needs to break up and be alone. I've had breakups before and have been at fault in more than one. I take ownership when I've messed up and try to work on it so the next one is better. This one was totally out of the blue and feels like a nuclear bomb was used when a grenade or, dropping the metaphors, even talking honestly would have worked. Her friend told me that she had a breakdown about this time last year and the year before too. And it isn't that anything occurred within the relationship that was horrible. I really do take ownership and while this one wasn't perfect there wasn't a large fight ever or an overarching problem that wasn't worked on. Small things were brought up and tackled which is something that happens whenever you join two lives together. I realize the simple answer is this was something that was an emotional bomb waiting to go off. But nothing is simple when it comes to the heart. This was her first major relationship and I think all the ramifications of a break up and move out aren't apparent. This is my own feeling so it might be wrong, but gut says that. She talks as if we will discuss it again in a few weeks and maybe you can move back in then. Moving alone is traumatic and costly, much less seperating a life you had started building together, even if it wasn't years or decades. At the moment I'm numb. I have friends who will help me move. And I will be ok in the long run. Short run this hurts bad though. And is confusing. Do I try and save it? Do I point out all the good, that even she admits was really good up until her committee asked for changes? Do I cut ties? Do I go no contact and see how it is in a few months? I don't want a yo-yo relationship and up until now it has been very stable and supportive. And I really do love her enough to think she was the one. I'm utterly hurt and confused and more than a little crushed. Maybe outside perspectives can help. Inside it's a painful, horrible, hurt mess right now. She left for a friend's house and I'm sitting amongst our shared life trying to digest what just happened. Link to comment
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