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Emotionally Unavailable


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Hey all,


I started talking to a girl that I really like in January. For a few weeks we were talking non-stop everyday. We eventually became intimate together after which, she told me she didn't want to see me anymore because she didn't see anything long term between us. This seemed to come out of the blue because I felt like we had a good connection and this was the real deal. Anyways, I resolved that it was bad sexual chemistry and I cut my losses. A week later she texted me and asked to hang out. We hung out and discussed, at length, the likeness we have for each other. It's at this moment she explains to me the that she was feeling guilty about hooking up with me because she has recently gotten out of her first long-term relationship of 3 years, 3 months prior. She also said that she feels like she doesn't know how to let anyone in anymore. I told her that makes all of the sense in the world and that I understood the feelings she's going through as I have been there before. After talking about "us" extensively, we agreed to take things slow without any pressure.


Well, that lasted for about a week and she ended things again, stating that she would contact me if/when she was ready. At this point, I was sure to never here from her again and so I reluctantly continued on with my personal life and began moving on. After about 3 weeks, she contacts me AGAIN and told me that she would be going out on a weekend night and to let her know if I would be out. She ended up seeking me out, we talked and she said that she was messed up before and that she promised she wouldn't freak out on me again. We ended up going home together and had an amazing intimate evening. I thought for sure, she would freak out as before, but to my surprise she asked me to spend the weekend with her the following weekend and was texting me like how it was when we first met. We hung out and had a great time together. After that weekend together, the texting has slowed (almost halted). I feel like she is freaking out again, and understandably so. I believe she is either not over her ex or not over the relationship. It seems like every time we get close, she pushes me away again (and I'm truthfully not pressuring her at all).


My question is how to deal with this. I don't want to be a jerk about this, I actually care for her and I know that even though I am frustrated she is hurting way more than me. I don't know whether to be there for her or to leave her alone to sort out her feelings. I feel like there is nothing I can do to help her and that this is something she has to work out on her own. I don't want to just give up on her but I also don't want to be in this constant hot and cold cycle we seem to be in.

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She is trying to use you to get over her ex. She is nowhere near ready to be involved with someone new, and would drop you like a hot potato if her ex came back. If you don't care that she's using you as an emotional airbag and you enjoy casual sex, by all means continue, but it sounds like you're developing feelings for her. I would end this involvement and find someone who is unattached and actually committed to moving forward with you.

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It doesn't matter whether she's hurting way more than you. You barely know her and only met in Jan. I don't think it matters what she thinks of you either, rebound or not, toy or not. At this point you should be actively ejecting her entire existence out of your atmosphere! Someone who treats you this way doesn't respect you and/or doesn't respect him/herself. Please clue in to the red flags and stop making excuses for her poor behaviour.

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She cant mess you around like that. Don't waste you life waiting and wondering when she'll be interested again. It isn't fair what she's doing to you. Cut contact and block her so she cant get in touch again. You don't want to get mixed up with someone who is acting like this. Cut and run.

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