querier Posted March 27, 2019 Share Posted March 27, 2019 I don't normally post things like this or open up about relationships but really want to hear other peoples thoughts and opinions as it's doing my head in. As an example, it's 2am now and I can't sleep because it's playing on my mind, hence why I'm posting this. In summary: - I've been with my girlfriend for 7 years - We own a house, we're both 31, have 1 kid and work together from home - About 6 months ago we decided to have a small break as we were in a small cramped house, work was manic and she had been diagnosed with MS. She said she just wanted some space which was fine. - For a few months prior this she was also talking to her male 'friend', staying over his house so she could have a drink etc. I do/did trust her and didn't have a problem with that. - This male 'friend' is a bit 'weird' shall we say. I've never liked him. He's very clingy, would buy her anything she wanted, and everybody knows that he's always fancied her, even before we got together. Like I say, I did trust her though and had no reason not to. - During this break which lasted about a week I looked after our daughter and kept the business running whilst she stayed at this guys house. - I didn't actually think we'd split up during this break, and it was purely because she wanted a break away from all the stress. - About 3 months later my phone broke so I borrowed her old phone which came with all of her old Whatsapp messages. After flicking through a) the nature of the messages was disgusting with hearts and kisses emojis b) saying how they wish they could just cuddle together and c) then I found out that they had slept together multiple times during this break, she'd got pregnant and had an abortion (yikes). - When I read the messages I felt sick to the stomach and wanted nothing more than to get rid of her. I raised this with her, we talked it out, and to cut a long story short, she said she regretted it, she thought we'd split up, she had a lot going on and didn't know what she was doing etc etc and we stayed together. I said I never want to see this guy and I want him nowhere near either of us which she agreed to. - Since then this whole thing has been on my mind 24/7. I'm just hoping time will heal and to be fair, things have been good. We've moved to a bigger house, work is fine and all is dandy, and her and her male friend had stopped talking (or at least i thought). - Then yesterday her phone is on the side and I see it popup with a message from him. I open it up out of curiosity and turns out they've been talking for a while. He keeps asking if she wants to pop over to his for a coffee. To be fair she keeps saying she's busy but I don't know if it's because she genuinely is busy (which she is), or is making an excuse not to see him. A lot of the chat is quite general with no kiss emojis or talking of cuddling like there was before and she's quite dismissive of him. My question is: - After all this, should I be mad that they're even talking when one of the agreements when we split up was that they don't talk? - Or am I overreacting and it's ok for them to message and for her to go to his for coffee? I know she loves me, I'm just worried that this is the start of something bigger again and this weird male friend will worm his way back in again, acting as the 'caring' friend when really all he wants is to bed her again. On top of this, because of all of this I really don't trust her at the moment whereas before I would trust her 100%. I honestly feel like she would happily go round his and make an excuse to me about where she is going. Do I: 1) Raise this with her and tell her my concerns, even though then she'll know I read her messages 2) Message him direct and tell him to back off? But again, she'll know I read the messages 3) Do nothing, let her go round his for coffee and stop overreacting 4) Run away as fast as I can 5) Add a GPS tracker to her car so I can see if she has gone to his house and then act, but until then stay calm. 6) Suggest we see a relationship counsellor 7) Other If I've missed out anything or if anything is unclear let me know. I'm just after some general opinions of people that can see this from an outside perspective :) Link to comment
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