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Boyfriend broke up with me out of the blue


confused259
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Before I begin this thread, I must confess - this boyfriend and I had only been dating 3 months. We are both in our early 20s and both had plenty of relationship experience prior to us getting together however we both agreed we had never met anyone we had clicked with in the same way. I'm talking we could predict what the other was going to say or do within the first fortnight; we constantly made the same jokes; we have both had very similar experiences in all facets of our lives in the past; we understood one another immediately & I genuinely cannot understand what pushed him to make the decision to leave me.

 

Allow me to elaborate - although I know time is usually indicative of the strength of a relationship, I can safely say that this was far more important than either of my previous two relationships, both of which lasted over two years. We have spent more time together in the first 3 months of this relationship than I spent with my previous boyfriend in the last year of ours (and my most recent boyfriend, let's call him K, lived a good deal further).

 

Our first date lasted 10 hours (and was just a coffee). Our second accidentally lasted 30 because he missed his train home (we were talking too much) & no - we didn't sleep together. In fact we did not sleep together until a month into the relationship, although we often shared a bed.

 

One of our first conversations before getting together concerned our mental healths - we are both people who have suffered severely with depression (and I anxiety) in the past, and had very destructive coping mechanisms. We also agreed that our relationship had come just at the right time because we were both finally in good mental states - better than good! We agreed we were both happier than we had been our adult lives - and that came before our relationship, so I know this was association not causation.

 

With each other's strengths and fragilities in mind, we went about our relationship; both going out of our ways to show the other they were more than appreciated. Over and over again, I thanked whatever strange devices of the universe had sent me this wonderful man & over and over again he told me that he had never felt so wanted or so valued by a girlfriend. We could not get enough of one another. He stood by me during a very nasty panic attack and dealt with it perfectly without any direction from me.

 

Now

 

Two weeks ago I started my new job & he his. With training & the influx of shifts it was difficult to see one another the first week. It was also the second week, but we managed to put aside some time. Unfortunately he called me and broke up with me before he saw me - after sending me a heartfelt text two hours earlier about how excited he was to see me that day, how much he had missed me and how much he missed my voice. He broke up with me over the phone and refused to see me.

 

This followed a week of unfortunate experiences for me that caused my anxiety to begin heightening again. I expressed this to him & also expressed that it was making me overthink the true reasons behind him not seeing me, and him texting me less (which was that consequences had it he was busy). I told him I had tried to talk myself down but was unable and would just really appreciate a little reassurance when I saw him & I was sure I would be fine.

 

Unfortunately, this has caused him to bolt (if he is giving me the full story). He was suddenly worried that we were not good for one another's mental health, even though we had both supported one another so thoroughly in the last few weeks. There was no warning and no rhyme or reason to his decision.

 

He is now checking on my Instagram regularly and although he says he does not want contact, I feel very deeply that something is wrong. We, as I say, are very similar people and this is the kind of behaviour I recognise from periods of my own life where I have wanted to turn to self-destructive coping mechanisms and wanted rid of anyone who might stop me. I really need a little perspective on this. I know our relationship was short, but we spent so much time together during these past 12 weeks that I just cannot beging to fathom what has happened and where this fits in because it is so out of character. And I am very deeply worried for his wellbeing. I truly don't believe that "working on yourself alone" helps when you are mentally distressed. I just want my boy home.

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First of all, please try to remain strong and calm or as strong as possible. You won't be able to have all the answers at once but they will come eventually if you give it time. You mentioned that you both suffer from anxiety and depression. Do you know what those triggers are? (You don't have to write them here. This is just food for thought.)

 

If you're both still reliant on your families or if he's living with parents or friends with strong opinions, I can imagine if one or more individuals may have influenced him heavily recently and he couldn't cope under that stress. This is just speculation. You would know better the situation of course.

 

You mentioned feeling deeply that something is wrong. Well, something is very wrong. Someone you were just seeing who apparently said they were one thing, turned out to be another (from stable or in a good place currently to unstable). Don't blame yourself at this point and just take a deep breath. You shouldn't be worrying about another person either to an extent where it interferes with your own wellbeing. Learn how to cut the cord and be responsible for your own health and mental wellbeing.

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With each other's strengths and fragilities in mind, we went about our relationship; both going out of our ways to show the other they were more than appreciated. Over and over again, I thanked whatever strange devices of the universe had sent me this wonderful man & over and over again he told me that he had never felt so wanted or so valued by a girlfriend. We could not get enough of one another. He stood by me during a very nasty panic attack and dealt with it perfectly without any direction from me.

 

This followed a week of unfortunate experiences for me that caused my anxiety to begin heightening again. I expressed this to him & also expressed that it was making me overthink the true reasons behind him not seeing me, and him texting me less (which was that consequences had it he was busy). I told him I had tried to talk myself down but was unable and would just really appreciate a little reassurance when I saw him & I was sure I would be fine.

 

3 months in and you are reliant on him to reassure you, when you should be using your coping skills to self soothe yourself.

 

I have anxiety. I've dated someone with anxiety. I totally understand how it challenges relationships.

 

Your anxiety is your issue to deal with.

 

His texting less while at the same time starting a new job is very much to be expected. Instead of handling your anxiety you reached out to him to make it better.

 

There wasn't enough of a foundation created for either of you to support each others mental health issues.

 

Personally, having anxiety myself causes me to be less tolerant to behaviors like you describe. I've long since learned that it's my job to get a grip on my anxiety and not seek reassurance when it's not necessary. You can easily burn someone out. Seeing this was a new relationship, I think it was all a little too much, too soon.

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What have you done and what are you doing to manage your anxiety?

 

Based on what you’ve written, it sounds like you two were relying on each other a lot, and to an extent that I sensed some potential co-dependency. Further to that, I got the sense you were relying on him a lot to soothe your anxiety, which isn’t healthy and not easy to do when that someone is also suffering from the same mental health concerns (hence why he suggested that he didn’t think you were good for each other’s mental health).

 

Sounds like he was over-whelmed and overall, just not comfortable with the relationship.

 

It might seem to you like this break-up came out of left field, but I’m sure it’s something he’d been thinking about for a while.

 

He started a new job and is working on managing his own mental health, which can be a challenge. I’m sure the idea of helping you manage yours too was too much for him to bear.

 

I hope you’re getting the help you need, OP, to take care of yourself.

Edited by milly007
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I have not gone into depth about the mental health side of things in my original post because there would just be an awful lot to write. When we began dating, we were very upfront with one another.

 

I appreciate where you are coming from in your response with the co-dependency/overwhelm. I just struggle to believe this is it for a few reasons; to begin with he knew that there was a lot going on for me last week (e.g. both my maternal grandparents had been given two years to live after a very stressful hospital visit, I was rejected from my choice University, and I had undergone a huge financial blow). He advised me before I even admitted that these things were causing me to begin worrying again that I could talk to him if I was anxious. As of December time, I have become very adept at managing my own anxious thoughts, and my depression has subsided to the point where it only rears its ugly head when events like those above come about. I confessed at this point that he was correct & he asked if I wanted to talk. I advised I'd rather wait until we were together in person.

 

He then asked me a few times what was up because I seemed off - at this point, him having a new job (only 2 shifts a week, mind) seemed to have interfered with him speaking with me as much. I pushed this aside and said - be rational! He's busy & you're already anxious so you are reading into things. He asked again on Thursday whether I was alright & I advised that I was feeling a little uneasy with the situation & just wanted to check things were o.k. between us, and also that I'd rather talk about it in person. Do you see where I am heading? Whilst I could understand why someone who did not know about my anxiety/hadn't experiences of their own would bolt at the mention, I don't understand why this freaked him out so much. I will quote from the text;

 

"I would rather talk about it on Sunday, easier as it would be to do [over text], as I feel we might get crossed wires. Although I know it's likely nothing, I'm just worried that there is something wrong as there is a lack of urgency to speak to me/see me at the moment. Because I have been anxious this week about everything else, I think I am projecting. I think I just need a little reassurance, but I'd rather get into it properly on Sunday so we can make sure there's no confusion, and you can see I'm not trying to point the finger or anything,".

 

This is the content of the message he says has worried him we are relying on one another for emotional wellbeing. Perhaps I am completely out, but if someone I was in a relationship with, even early, sent that to me, I wouldn't run off?

 

It is also worth knowing that the aforementioned panic attack was PTSD related & took place in the bedroom. Whilst these two things were completely isolated events, I struggle to see how the second could have worried him so much when he dealth so graciously with the first.

 

I am indeed looking after myself :) After attending counselling and therapy (CBT etc) for my teen years and two of my adult years, I have come to see that neither counselling or drugs was what I needed. What I needed was a good kick-up-the-arse & to know I needed to put the work in myself - which I am doing, and plan to continue doing. Thanks for your concern.

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Only 3 months in and a majority of people are still in the fun, discovery phase and aren't ready for this type of responsibility.

 

They are still sorting out their own feelings about you and whether they want to proceed in the relationship.

 

It just seems like bad timing, too many personal and family issues got in the way and he wasn't ready for the responsibility.

 

You may have been open to taking that responsibility on, but he wasn't. It doesn't make him wrong. Things are still very fragile in the early weeks and a lot of people aren't ready for all of this. That's why I mentioned previously hat the foundation to navigate these challenges wasn't there.

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The new job was only 2 shifts a week, which is why it concerned me that it interfered with the relationship so much over a fortnight, especially when things had been so incredible to begin with. I know that time is needed to form a fully trusting relationship, but we had complete trust in the sense of confiding in one another, but this was wonderfully balanced by jokes, outings, messing around, doing nice things for one another (e.g. cooking for/giving massages etc), great sex (by each of our own admissions, best we'd had) & a great deal of disbelief from both sides (expressed equally) that we had found the other. This is what I cannot fathom - how 16 hrs a week caused him to begin speaking to me so differently.

 

Aside from the panic attack mentioned above (which was PTSD related, which I am also working on but comes from a must more recent event than my previous mental health struggles), there was no infringement from our past issues on the relationship, aside from the occasional (very calm) chat about our experiences after we realised we were similar in that area. We were too caught up being fascinated by the other and completely besotted for it to have an impact.

 

I have quoted from the text in another reply, what I said with regards to my anxiety & why it has confused me so much - I did not ask for help, or for his support at all. I just wanted to check in that we were o.k. because the tone/frequency was so different. The reason I am now so worried is because it is a complete change of tune and I am scared that he has shut me out because he has fallen into a dark place. He mentioned a couple of things that, looking back, might have been bothering him (e.g. he mentioned not liking his job & being unsure where he was going to go in life). Really, I'd like to know whether I should check in on him as I am worried he has shut himself off from people because he's struggling.

 

Whilst I appreciate your response, I would like to point out that having been a sufferer yourself does not mean you can dismiss other's struggles. I never would & I think it a very cruel thing to expect others to live up to your example when you do not know their circumstances. I am dealing with it, and have been for years & as I said in my original post - I am currently in a very good place. This week was an exception to that.

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Do you think perhaps, given the time, and the evidence (of course I'm not going to go back in there, to something I value so much, guns blazing) that this all came about due to unfortunate circumstances, he might reconsider? I had not shared the events of the week in full with him over text, so he did not know the circumstances surrounding "everything this week is making me worry a little". I think this is where I have fallen in terms of trying not to text about serious issues too much & choosing the wrong bits to share. That is on me.

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Whilst I appreciate your response, I would like to point out that having been a sufferer yourself does not mean you can dismiss other's struggles. I never would & I think it a very cruel thing to expect others to live up to your example when you do not know their circumstances. I am dealing with it, and have been for years & as I said in my original post - I am currently in a very good place. This week was an exception to that.

 

I am neither dismissing your experience or suggesting it cruel to not have people live up to your expectations. They are only expectations, right?

You asked for advise, no?

With that, I'll tap out.

I just don't think he's that interested.

You can call him to confirm it if that's what you want to hear and then be assured he's not in some dark place.

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First of all, please try to remain strong and calm or as strong as possible. You won't be able to have all the answers at once but they will come eventually if you give it time. You mentioned that you both suffer from anxiety and depression. Do you know what those triggers are? (You don't have to write them here. This is just food for thought.)

 

If you're both still reliant on your families or if he's living with parents or friends with strong opinions, I can imagine if one or more individuals may have influenced him heavily recently and he couldn't cope under that stress. This is just speculation. You would know better the situation of course.

 

You mentioned feeling deeply that something is wrong. Well, something is very wrong. Someone you were just seeing who apparently said they were one thing, turned out to be another (from stable or in a good place currently to unstable). Don't blame yourself at this point and just take a deep breath. You shouldn't be worrying about another person either to an extent where it interferes with your own wellbeing. Learn how to cut the cord and be responsible for your own health and mental wellbeing.

 

Firstly, thank you for acknowledging my comment that we had said we were both in good places. Whilst other advice has been helpful, it has also presumed that the circumstances mentioned in the original post made for "bad places".

 

This is somebody I care as deeply about as I do my family & I believe you may be right about him being influenced by those around him as if he were to be speaking about me saying "I am anxious", I know for a fact he would not admit "and I have experienced that too" as he confessed to me I am one of the very few who knew about it, and the only one who knew about it in any great detail. I would like to put this relationship back on track, even if that means comitting to someone who is in pain. I have seen him at his best & I know I would do just about anything for this man who is usually kind, considerate & extremely empathetic (not just by my own observations). I know I cannot ask you to predict the future, but do you think there is a way I could approach this sensitively enough to convince him to give it another go? Miraculously, this breakup has not knocked my mental progress, so I know I could be a huge help to him - if he'd let me.

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Firstly, thank you for acknowledging my comment that we had said we were both in good places. Whilst other advice has been helpful, it has also presumed that the circumstances mentioned in the original post made for "bad places".

 

This is somebody I care as deeply about as I do my family & I believe you may be right about him being influenced by those around him as if he were to be speaking about me saying "I am anxious", I know for a fact he would not admit "and I have experienced that too" as he confessed to me I am one of the very few who knew about it, and the only one who knew about it in any great detail. I would like to put this relationship back on track, even if that means comitting to someone who is in pain. I have seen him at his best & I know I would do just about anything for this man who is usually kind, considerate & extremely empathetic (not just by my own observations). I know I cannot ask you to predict the future, but do you think there is a way I could approach this sensitively enough to convince him to give it another go? Miraculously, this breakup has not knocked my mental progress, so I know I could be a huge help to him - if he'd let me.

 

Ah okay... I'm sorry if I misunderstood earlier or caused any misunderstanding. Glad that you're doing well and feeling pretty good.

 

I think he should come to you, to answer your question. You know when someone is anxious, overcrowding those thoughts might not be the best thing to do. You would know him best. I wouldn't approach him at this time. He specifically asked for no contact from you. To go against his wishes is borderline harassment and contact that he's said he doesn't want. Him reacting to your social media seems very superficial and a bit mindless, to be honest. I don't think he is a bad person (and neither are you) but you might want to ask yourself why you're allowing another person to have this much hold on you or cause you so much pain and confusion. You may not feel like it's affecting you but I'll politely disagree because I think it is(in a large way). You're very worried over him and worry takes a lot of energy. You may not feel drained right now but you will over time.

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confused259 - in reading your initial post, and how quickly you bonded and developed a close intimacy (mentally, emotionally, physically) I have no doubt that he felt you were the one person who understood him, who "saw" him and accepted him, the one person he could turn to, and not be judged.

 

I think this scared him, the "intimacy" was very intense, very fast (only two months, right?) and he wasn't prepared, emotionally or mentally for it.

 

In a sense, he panicked, and in his eyes the only thing he could do, what his own anxiety and mental issues would allow him to do, was bail.

 

There is nothing you can do to bring him back. My advice is to simply let him be, go no contact.

 

Let him work through this himself, without the pressure of knowing you're hurt, confused, need answers.

 

Perhaps in time he will understand himself what happened, why his feelings changed, and will miss you, want to give it another shot.

 

If that happens, please visit a couples counselor together.

 

Two people with mental issues trying to establish a close committed RL is extremely challenging and if you don't proceed with the help of a qualified professional (assuming he returns), these fears and anxieties will become a burden for both of you, resulting in him periodically needing to run, and you needing answers and chasing after him.

 

Very unhealthy dynamic to say the least.

 

I have my own share of mental issues (bipolar 2) so I understand, my bf does not have any mental issues (that I am aware of, lol), and I know he finds it very challenging to deal with the changing nuances of our relationship due to my issues.

 

I myself have wanted to run many times, including recently. But we've decided to work our issues out, together.

 

I cannot imagine what life would be like for us if he struggled with mental issues as well, my guess is it would never have lasted as long as it has (one year so far).

 

Anyway, nuff said from me, I wish you both the best of luck on your journey, individually or together, if that is what ends up happening.

 

If not, that's okay too, it's all one big learning experience, and you can treasure the memory.

Edited by katrina1980
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Ah okay... I'm sorry if I misunderstood earlier or caused any misunderstanding. Glad that you're doing well and feeling pretty good.

 

Apologies! My earlier message was a thank-you to you as you have acknowledged that I am not personally going through a bad time mentally at the moment! Aside from the panic attack I mentioned (which are very few and far between, my last was in September), I am doing well, and you did not base your advice on my having mentioned K & I had discussed our pasts openly.

 

I think it is affecting me to this extent because of the love and support that did exist between us previously. Granted, it came fast, but it wa very strong & very mutual - something very rare within relationships my age. I personally feel that this is somebody with a lot to offer, and to whom I can offer a lot. We had both agreed upon that many, many times (expressed multiple times in different ways daily). I think this is where my confusion stems from. I do not believe this to be a person lacking integrity, and I do not believe he was lying.

 

Thank you for your advice. He has agreed to see me next week simply because he did not give me a moment to speak during the breakup call and conceded on Monday morning that it was unfair, especially when two hours earlier he had sent me such a heart-felt message. I am going to use that time as an opportunity to let him know that, as it often is over text, things were blown out of proportion, but that I am not there to get him back. I just wish to understand things from his perspective as I was not really given an explanation before.

 

I really appreciate your open, honest advice.

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Apologies! My earlier message was a thank-you to you as you have acknowledged that I am not personally going through a bad time mentally at the moment! Aside from the panic attack I mentioned (which are very few and far between, my last was in September), I am doing well, and you did not base your advice on my having mentioned K & I had discussed our pasts openly.

 

I think it is affecting me to this extent because of the love and support that did exist between us previously. Granted, it came fast, but it wa very strong & very mutual - something very rare within relationships my age. I personally feel that this is somebody with a lot to offer, and to whom I can offer a lot. We had both agreed upon that many, many times (expressed multiple times in different ways daily). I think this is where my confusion stems from. I do not believe this to be a person lacking integrity, and I do not believe he was lying.

 

Thank you for your advice. He has agreed to see me next week simply because he did not give me a moment to speak during the breakup call and conceded on Monday morning that it was unfair, especially when two hours earlier he had sent me such a heart-felt message. I am going to use that time as an opportunity to let him know that, as it often is over text, things were blown out of proportion, but that I am not there to get him back. I just wish to understand things from his perspective as I was not really given an explanation before.

 

I really appreciate your open, honest advice.

 

I think you're a very reasonable and level-headed young lady. I'm glad that he's agreed to meet with you next week. Be prepared for any surprises or if he is unable to meet you closer to the date. I wouldn't like to see you disappointed again. He may also not have all the answers you need but I don't have a sliver of a doubt that you'll measure your questions appropriately or as you see fit at the time.

 

Regarding your past, we all have pasts. My husband was married for awhile to an ex-wife who was tormented daily by physical and mental health issues. I don't for one second presume to know anything about what you or this person have been through and each of your journeys are yours. The big lesson is that we are all moving through life and as long as we are open to learning and new experiences, I think that's what it's all about. Hope it goes well this coming week with your meet.

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Katrina, that was the most wonderful response. Thank you for being honest and kind (without giving me any false hope). If he can find it in himself to give it a second chance, then I will most certainly suggest to him that he at least comes with me to a session to sit in - even if not to participate himself. I fear he suffers in the same way many men do & will not seek help for himself. One of my parting messages to him was to please look into it & the response I got certainly had an air of avoidance. I will not push it, but I have seen the bond my parents have after cultivating a loving marriage despite their issues & they are such a strong couple, and understand one another's every moment - happy and sad. If I can have something even close, I will feel that I have succeeded in that aspect of my life.

 

I have also been in a relationship where I have been the "sick" one (ty for that label, ex #1). I would just like to say well done to you for being able to see through what you have going on & to be clear headed enough to know that you want to work on it. It sounds like you have a lovely partner. I hope you two go far.

 

Hopefully, even if it's not meant to be now, it will be in the future. I don't get gut feelings often, but my gut tells me that K & I's journey together isn't done yet - whatever that may mean.

 

Many thanks. This has been a very comforting, realistic input to have read.

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I think you're a very reasonable and level-headed young lady. I'm glad that he's agreed to meet with you next week. Be prepared for any surprises or if he is unable to meet you closer to the date. I wouldn't like to see you disappointed again.

 

Thank you. My lovely mother is helping me translate my rather garbled thoughts into coherent questions for when I do see him, and I have already weighed up the possibility that he may wish to cancel. If that is the case, I think that will allow me to begin moving on also - as that will feel like a definitive close to our relationship.

 

I may sound overly hopeful, but my gut feeling is that if this is the end for now, it won't be forever. In whatever way it may be, I do believe our paths will cross again. I don't believe anyone understands me better than K, other than my own mother! Perhaps that does not make for a romantic relationship, but I am hoping he knows that he can come to me when he needs a friend, also.

 

Thank you so much for your advice. You've given me the input I needed without giving me any false hope.

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Maybe it has nothing at all to do with your anxiety, OP.

 

Perhaps someone at his new workplace has caught his eye or something, or someone from his past has popped back up again.

 

Whilst this would be easier to believe in terms of making it far simpler to move on (i.e. I could be justifiably angry instead of just feeling bereft), I do not believe this to be the case. The former is perhaps more believable, but his ex girlfriend was a menace & caused him a lot of physical & emotional harm during their 9 month relationship. I suppose I can hope he has not found someone else (and hope in vain if he has) because I did not believe him to be lacking in integrity in that way.

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You’re getting good advice, and you’re clearly a sharp, expansive thinker and a deep feeler. Great qualities, those, wherever this chapter leads.

 

What I can’t help but see happening a bit here, post breakup, is potentially a bit of what led to it.

 

I’m thinking of the much discussed text. I get that, for you, that was a small, light gesture—a little reach out for assurance from someone who, given his own struggles and your communication up to that point, wouldn’t land with a thud.

 

But it did, for whatever reason. Instead of offering soothing, he combusted, withdrew, walked.

 

Right now, understandably, you’re looking for answers, for soothing, for him to walk it back. You’re reeling on an even higher level than you were when you sent that text. Asking him for soothing now, and/or trying to get him to see things through your lens, risks more of the same.

 

Mind you, I’m not saying any of that to criticize the text you sent, or how you’ve handled everything. Not at all. Relationships work, or don’t, when they can handle conflict with a similar ease as when things are going well. It’s often about 3 months in when the first bite of conflict occurs—one of those moments that marks the end of some, the moment others go deeper, closer.

 

In your shoes I’d be doing a lot of thinking about whether I’d want to continue investing in something and someone who buckles this easily. Life is going to continue to throw wrenches at both of you, and on your own, mental health fragility aside, you strike me as someone who puts in the work to keep her ship afloat. Whether you want to take on his, which he seems to struggle with more than you do yours, is a very real question I’d be asking.

 

Is this a man capable of propping you up, when you need it, or pulling you down?

 

Just know that there is another man out there who would not have reacted as he did. Just know that relationships do not need to be a diagnostic dance. What you’ve learned, 3 months in, is that he is prone to a pretty severe response to what, all things considered, was a 1-2 punch from Life 101. That is not the stuff that gets “fixed” in a conversation.

 

Best of luck with this. I know how hard it is when something seems so promising and takes an abrupt turn. Been there, feeling for you.

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In your shoes I’d be doing a lot of thinking about whether I’d want to continue investing in something and someone who buckles this easily. Life is going to continue to throw wrenches at both of you, and on your own, mental health fragility aside, you strike me as someone who puts in the work to keep her ship afloat. Whether you want to take on his, which he seems to struggle with more than you do yours, is a very real question I’d be asking.

 

Thank you, I really am getting some good input here. Some of it is helping me see things I hadn't considered - some is just letting me know I've not gone crazy!

 

Whilst I know that it was only 3 months in and I cannot know this person through and through, I would like to believe the reason he has bolted is that perhaps this was the first time he needed to reach out to me - whilst we had talked about those things he had struggled with in the past, we had not talked yet about how he would like it handled, and I fear that instead of speaking to me about what was on his mind, he has decided it is easier to go than to face rejection. I say this only because I have been there myself many-a-time. Again, I could be speaking out of sheer, unfounded hopefulness. Perhaps he is a bolter? I would just like to believe my character-judging skills were not off mark here.

 

This is day #4 of break-up & I am finally coming down from the head-spinning thoughts and emotions. I think I am being able, with the help of my ma, to look at things more objectively... or as objectively as they can be when emotions are involved! Whilst I don't feel I need his reassurance anymore, what I would like is closure - if this is to be the end of our relationship, I feel I am at least owed that conversation as, by his own admission, he still loves me and I "did nothing wrong". If this is the truth, I would like to understand from his perspective what happened so that I can reconcile it within myself & begin to move past it.

 

Thank you for your advice. Like the rest before yours, I will definitely take it into account when I decide what I want to do re: our conversation next week. I am grateful that there are people such as yourself(/ves) out there able to offer such empathetic insight.

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