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Who pays for drinks, coffee or dinner etc on a first date


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Hi all! I'm asking this question on behalf of my son (28 yrs old). He mentioned to me a few days ago that he pays for his share of the bill (or splits the bill) when on a first date whether he meets his date just for drinks, coffee, for lunch only, or dinner. Is that a turn-off to a woman? I haven't dated in 31 years so I have no idea what is the norm, if any, nowadays. I would appreciate your input. Thanks!

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I go into all dates fully expecting to pay for myself (and pulling out my card when the time comes). For me, I consider it a pleasant surprise when the guy pays.

 

That said, I would say I’m “pleasantly surprised” about 80% of the time.

 

I will say, though, that I’m fairly independent and I do have some girlfriends who would “next” someone who did not pay. They tend to be more traditional in values in other ways too.

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Right or wrong, if a man expected me to pay half, I'd probably assume he wasn't all that into me.

 

I don't think a man should pay, he's not obligated to pay, but it's a very nice thing to do when he likes a woman and wants to continue dating her.

 

This thinking comes from the way I was raised, back east in New York where the men are very gallant and well, maybe a bit old-fashioned.

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Call me cheap but I like a first date where no one pays. My husband impressed me with his savvy on our first date and it was fun. We went on a hike together for about 3 hours. I don't recommend this for everyone but I'll just say it was a fairly frequented trail and of course we met beforehand for a few minutes and chatted before heading to the trail. I'm also fairly certain I would have successfully pushed him off a boulder if I felt threatened.

 

Go for a walk, check out some sights and sounds, chat at a park or meet in a public space. There's lots to do where you don't have to pay a cent. Save your money for other things when you're more involved with each other. It was later on that he took me to very nice places and introduced me to people he knew in his industry.

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If it's a cheap date, I don't mind the guy paying, but I always offer to chip in and don't count it against them if they take me up on it. I am very unattached to gender typical behavior, though, and have the money to pay for myself. I definitely make sure to pay for myself if I'm not interested.

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I just went on a first date and I invited her to eat.

 

She scared me since she wanted me to meet her family. Paying for a meal is a small price to pay to feel if it's a match.

 

I think planning hiking or adventure activity puts you in line to be friend zoned early in the courtship. That's just me.

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I go into all dates fully expecting to pay for myself (and pulling out my card when the time comes). For me, I consider it a pleasant surprise when the guy pays.

 

That said, I would say I’m “pleasantly surprised” about 80% of the time.

 

I will say, though, that I’m fairly independent and I do have some girlfriends who would “next” someone who did not pay. They tend to be more traditional in values in other ways too.

 

I think I'd do the same (puling out my card) and I also would be pleasantly surprised. I am old fashioned and I'd like a guy to offer to pay, or pay - LOL!

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Right or wrong, if a man expected me to pay half, I'd probably assume he wasn't all that into me.

 

I don't think a man should pay, he's not obligated to pay, but it's a very nice thing to do when he likes a woman and wants to continue dating her.

 

This thinking comes from the way I was raised, back east in New York where the men are very gallant and well, maybe a bit old-fashioned.

 

Yup, I agree. It would make a nice impression on me if the guy were to pay.

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Call me cheap but I like a first date where no one pays. My husband impressed me with his savvy on our first date and it was fun. We went on a hike together for about 3 hours. I don't recommend this for everyone but I'll just say it was a fairly frequented trail and of course we met beforehand for a few minutes and chatted before heading to the trail. I'm also fairly certain I would have successfully pushed him off a boulder if I felt threatened.

 

Go for a walk, check out some sights and sounds, chat at a park or meet in a public space. There's lots to do where you don't have to pay a cent. Save your money for other things when you're more involved with each other. It was later on that he took me to very nice places and introduced me to people he knew in his industry.

 

Great way to look at it! Thank you!

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I just went on a first date and I invited her to eat.

 

She scared me since she wanted me to meet her family. Paying for a meal is a small price to pay to feel if it's a match.

 

I think planning hiking or adventure activity puts you in line to be friend zoned early in the courtship. That's just me.

 

That would scare me too - big time!

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It's very individual. As long as your son's date is agreeable with "going dutch" (splitting the bill), then both sides cooperate with this arrangement. I don't think it's a turn off for women. I've known some boyfriend-girlfriend relationships where they take turns paying the bill. Dinner for 2 is paid by the man and next time, the lady pays for 2 dinners. It really depends on what they're comfortable with.

 

When my husband and I were dating, we generally split the bill or took turns paying for each others dinners or lunch. Same with coffee, snacks, etc. It's only fair. Some people are on budgets and getting stuck with the entire bill can get expensive quickly. It's considerate to pay our own way.

 

If either the man or woman insists upon paying the entire bill, each and every time, then that's fine, too especially if they can afford it!

 

There should be a clear understanding about who pays for what from the beginning in order to prevent awkwardness and / or disdain.

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Yup, I agree. It would make a nice impression on me if the guy were to pay.

 

It's kind of a turn on too, don't you think? Assuming I'm attracted to him in the first place.

 

It's the whole "take charge" thing - I like it, turns me on.

 

Having said that, if I am not into a guy and don't wish to see him again, I will actually offer to pay my half.

 

Most times, he won't let me, but I will offer.

 

I feel a bit guilty having him pay when I don't plan on going out with him again.

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It's very individual. As long as your son's date is agreeable with "going dutch" (splitting the bill), then both sides cooperate with this arrangement. I don't think it's a turn off for women. I've known some boyfriend-girlfriend relationships where they take turns paying the bill. Dinner for 2 is paid by the man and next time, the lady pays for 2 dinners. It really depends on what they're comfortable with.

 

When my husband and I were dating, we generally split the bill or took turns paying for each others dinners or lunch. Same with coffee, snacks, etc. It's only fair. Some people are on budgets and getting stuck with the entire bill can get expensive quickly. It's considerate to pay our own way.

 

If either the man or woman insists upon paying the entire bill, each and every time, then that's fine, too especially if they can afford it!

 

There should be a clear understanding about who pays for what from the beginning in order to prevent awkwardness and / or disdain.

 

I think your last sentence is the key, and that it is very individual. I was just wondering because, as I mentioned, I haven't dated in a long time and I'm old fashioned. xx

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I think your last sentence is the key, and that it is very individual. I was just wondering because, as I mentioned, I haven't dated in a long time and I'm old fashioned. xx

 

I agree it's individual, but is it really "old fashioned"? It's gallant, it's chivalrous, it's gracious.

 

Hell, it's masculine! ;)

 

It's a turn on!

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It's kind of a turn on too, don't you think? Assuming I'm attracted to him in the first place.

 

It's the whole "take charge" thing - I like it, turns me on.

 

Having said that, if I am not into a guy and don't wish to see him again, I will actually offer to pay my half.

 

Most times, he won't let me, but I will offer.

 

I feel a bit guilty having him pay when I don't plan on going out with him again.

 

I, too, have always offered, and meant it. But, I'm from another generation and chivalry was very much in those days. Nowadays, I just don't know. My son didn't go into details so I'm not certain what transpired. I should perhaps ask for some details to satisfy my curiosity..

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I think if men realized what a turn on it is, they might be inclined to pay more often.

 

For me, friends split the bill; yeah it really would feel more like we're friends if we were to split.

 

A man who wants to court me romantically will pay and be happy to pay!

 

That's how it's always been for me.

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I think if men realized what a turn on it is, they might be inclined to pay more often.

 

For me, friends split the bill; yeah it really would feel more like we're friends if we were to split.

 

A man who wants to court me romantically will pay and be happy to pay!

 

"A man who wants to court me romantically will pay and be happy to pay!

That's how it's always been for me.

 

Sounds great to me, katrina 1980!

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Oh boy this topic has been done to death and I promise you not as big of a deal as this board makes it.

 

I like when a man pays, like Kat said, I find it sexy, I think it’s a gentlemanly quality. I think men who put enormous amounts of thought about who pays for nachos has mommy issues and should be avoided but that’s my personal stance. We all have one and we all follow it with little to no push or pull in real life.

 

Most women I know bring cash to pay for themselves.

 

Most men I’ve encountered pay without hesitation.

 

Real life expieriences.

 

Of all the first dates I had 2 went Dutch - one I ended up dating for a while the other I had absolutely

no interest in and the feeling was mutual.

 

I promise it’s only a big deal if you make it one.

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