tbhmaddie Posted March 26, 2019 Share Posted March 26, 2019 My ex boyfriend and I broke up in September. Since then we have kept minimal contact, and slept together a few times. In December I talked to him for closure, and reassured me that there is no chance of us getting back together. However I still could not accept the breakup. I have gone through the cycle of blocking him/unblocking, and doing things to get his attention. Now and then we have lighthearted conversations, but I am (of course) always the one starting the conversation. I have tried no-contact many times but I have failed. I can't seem to get past 2 weeks without needing to reach out. It only seems like he will text me back when he wants to have sex. I have denied the last few times though. I tried to start NC again last Monday. It was extremely hard this time, as I have seen him around in public recently. Last night I caved and replied to one of his snapchat stories. He left me on read (didn't reply) and I honestly felt SO crushed. It led me to a near panic attack and I was bawling my eyes out until I fell asleep. I also feel like I betrayed myself for breaking no contact again. We said we would try to be civil and be friends, but he has not acted like it at all (by ignoring me) and I feel bad for blocking him on social media since we have broke up so long ago. He might think I'm still not over it, which I don't want him to think. I want to go out and have fun with my friends, but I know I will see him at the bars that we go to, and it ruins my night. At this point I don't even know if I want him back, I am just so lonely and obsessed with focusing my life around him. I have tried exercising, meditating, studying, etc. and I still can't fully alter my train of thought. I have even tried dating again, which was unsuccessful. No contact is SO incredibly hard for me, it feels like I'm battling myself and that he will eventually completely forget about me. He is acting like we never even dated, and I feel like I don't even know who he is anymore. I have so many quotes and articles saved on my phone for battling no contact, but it has been unsuccessful each time. It also doesn't help that I'm good friends with his friends, so I hear about him a lot. I feel like my day revolves around getting attention from him, and everything I do, I do it because I know he might see me/see what I post. If anyone has been in a similar position, please tell me what you did and how things are now. Also I would appreciate if anyone has advice on how to stay strong and get this guy out of my mind. Link to comment
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