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Did she lose all interest?


willgurney
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So this girl was interested in me but i really messed things up. She added me on snapchat and we were talking a lot. We met up to do homework and then i asked her to get lunch with me a couple days later. All was going really well. We hung out one night at a look out point that over saw the city--this was my chance to tell her how i feel/make my intentions clear--but i didn't tell her anything. After this she got kinda distant over the next couple of days, which at the time i didn't understand but now i know why( i didn't make a move/show interest). I asked her to come over to my house the next weekend and she said yes. When she was at my house we watched a movie and again i failed to make a move and was just acting weird about things in general. After this time hanging out I feel she really lost interest. She removed me from her private snapchat story and stopped replying to my snaps/texts consistently, and if she did reply the answers were short-mostly one word. I felt as if i had really let one slip away. After this going on for about 2 weeks i decided to ask her what happened. I basically said "I don't want to put you on the spot but I've been wondering what happened, not too long ago we were talking and hanging out a lot and now we barely talk. I really like you and miss hanging out." I also told her that i felt i knew the reason why she became so aloof was because of how i acted and the fact i never really told her how i felt about her. She told me that she has been super busy with school and is hasn't been using much social media. I know this to be false, also this doesn't explain her blocking me from seeing her private snapchat story. She did say she would like to meet up and get together to do homework together later this week. I feel that she is just doing this to be nice and avoid making things awkward. Is she still interested or did she lose interest because i didn't tell her how i feel and make a move and now she is just being nice? I said yes to meeting up so if you guys could offer some advice as to how i should act when we meet that would be apriciated. Like should try to progress things again or not? How should i gauge if she is still interested while I'm there?

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Hi,

 

Welcome to ENA.

 

I agree that her excuse doesn't totally make sense. I wonder if she did go distant because you never made a move but now that you are finally speaking up (congrats for doing that), she is a little "embarrassed" to tell you that she sort of went distant on you for no reason. So my advice would be to try to forget about her going distant, chalk it up to a little mistake, and hang out with her the way you used to. It may be different from now once since you've told her how you feel. Try not to do so much overthinking and just enjoy hanging out with her. :)

 

Hope it goes well.

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She could have lost interest, or simply has a hard time being honest that your more reserved behaviour confused her and she pulled away fearing she misread your initial interest.

 

Or, she might have someone else on her radar altogether.

 

I would see how your next meeting goes, and try to open up a little more while you are with her. You don't necessarily need to tell her again how you feel, since you've now done so, but do see if she'd like to get together again in a non-study context - maybe ask her for lunch or some such thing. Gauge her reaction from there.

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Just go to the meet up as planned and don't make any assumptions. Don't have any expectations either. She's human just like you. Stop putting her on a pedestal. If you have to try so hard to gain her affections or have her like you, it's unnatural and you're giving off the wrong vibe.

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I'll only speak for myself as each person is different in their likes and dislikes on potential dates. I know that when I was in community college, a guy named Doug I was interested in kept asking me to do things like playing racket ball with 2 other guys. On all these outings, I couldn't tell if I was his buddy or not. Even when we did one on one things, he didn't make any move like holding my hand or kissing me, so I was really frustrated. At a party, another guy was paying attention to me and he got jealous and started arguing with the guy. I don't know what the issue was, but the other guy at the party asked for my number and I ended up dating him.

 

Yes, your inaction probably frustrated her if she was interested. Try to read a woman's signals to find out if that's the case. Compliment her. "You look so beautiful tonight." If she gives you an open relaxed smile, that's a good sign, because if she wasn't into you, her face would show, "Oh crap. I hope he doesn't want to be more than friends."

 

Reach for her hand when walking. If she keeps it there and smiles, it's another clue she's into you. If she's not, you can digest that news and be able to place your emotional energy elsewhere.

 

At this point in time, you don't "tell" a woman of your feelings. You show her by asking her on dates, complimenting her, and showing her you find her attractive and interesting and want to get to know her better.

 

And confidence is a huge attractor for most people, so work on not being so nervous, holding back, second guessing. Believe in yourself, that you're a good catch, and women who share chemistry with you will be attracted to your confident positivity. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

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No one has suggested this yet, but she may have also went distant because she was never interested in you romantically in the first place. She may have sensed you wanted more and backed off to discourage you. I would tread carefully here.

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It seems to me that you disappointed her because you created two opportunities in which you could clarify your intentions and you didn’t.

 

Women, usually are disinterested in guys who don’t even find the courage to show their intentions.

 

Or maybe you made her feel that you are not interested in her, so she broke every contact with you because she was (clearly, maybe) erotically interested in you; but since you weren’t, she decided to seek a potential boyfriend elsewhere.

 

Learn from your mistake and do not repeat it the next time.

 

If you, eventually, meet her again, tell her everything. Tell her that you are erotically interested in her from the first time. Tell her that you should have taken the first step and that you regret not doing it and that you are taking it now.

 

Your chances are 50/50 (I think).

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