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Gift for bf's daughter's bday?


maew
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Hey all... not sure where to put this question, hopefully this is the right spot.

 

I have been in a relationship with a lovely man now for just over 3 months. Last week, I met his daughter (she is 9 turning 10 later this week) and a bunch of his family for the first time. It went really well, they were very nice and thought I was nice too so win win! :)

 

I got invited to have cake with the family this Friday after they go on their adventures for his daughters bday... am thinking I want to get her a card and maybe a little something like a gift card (small amount visa gift card that she can spend on what she wants)... was going to ask her dad if he would be okay with that but thought I would also put that out here.

 

Would it be weird for me to get her something given we have only met once? I don't want to overstep or for anyone to think I am buying her affection... but given they invited me to the bday festivities I wanted to do something, as I normally would for anyone whose bday festivities I went to.

 

What are your thoughts on this?

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I would definitely get her something (nothing extreme, but as you suggested, a simple gift card worth a modest amount is a great idea).

 

Since you were invited to participate in part of her birthday celebration, I think the proper etiquette would be to get her something. I can’t imagine showing up empty-handed.

 

I don’t think it could be interpreted as you attempting to buy her affection. It would only seem this way if your birthday present was extreme/extravagant, and your birthday gift idea sounds pretty reasonable.

 

You’re just practicing good etiquette, if you ask me. It’s thoughtful.

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Yay to everything moving along!

 

Can very much relate to the shoes your in, as I'm in similar ones myself, right down to the time table and (at least for me) my first experience in dating someone with a child.

 

But, yes, get her something! It's a bday, you're invited, everyone will appreciate it. And, of course, no need for it to be some massive gesture. Just a small, thoughtful gift.

 

I'm sure her dad will say as much if you run it by him, and will appreciate you showing effort in navigating it all.

 

Excited for you!

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I think that 3 months isn't enough time for you to be introduced to his children. It's unsettling for a child to see his/her parent with new people in their lives, and unless there has been a commitment for the future (ie marriage), you should wait before you become a part of that child's life.

 

I know others will disagree.

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I would definitely get her something (nothing extreme, but as you suggested, a simple gift card worth a modest amount is a great idea).

 

Since you were invited to participate in part of her birthday celebration, I think the proper etiquette would be to get her something. I can’t imagine showing up empty-handed.

 

I don’t think it could be interpreted as you attempting to buy her affection. It would only seem this way if your birthday present was extreme/extravagant, and your birthday gift idea sounds pretty reasonable.

 

You’re just practicing good etiquette, if you ask me. It’s thoughtful.

 

Great advice -I'd do exactly this.

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If you want some gift ideas for a 10 year old girl, I'd suggest flavored lip gloss (no tint), and if her dad says she likes to read, a book. I think they still sell The Babysitters' Club series or any book that would appeal to a pre-teen. They also have cute, cheap jewelry at Claire's if you have any of those stores in a nearby mall. I think it's a little more fun to receive a small gift than money.

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If you want some gift ideas for a 10 year old girl, I'd suggest flavored lip gloss (no tint), and if her dad says she likes to read, a book. I think they still sell The Babysitters' Club series or any book that would appeal to a pre-teen. They also have cute, cheap jewelry at Claire's if you have any of those stores in a nearby mall. I think it's a little more fun to receive a small gift than money.

 

I agree with this.

 

Personally, I’d go with a small gift rather than a gift card. Not that there is anything wrong with a gift card... but a small gift is something you can connect and talk about. Especially - if you’ve met her - something you noticed she might like.

 

I was going to suggest fake/fun costume jewelry as well if she’s girly, or my goddaughters loved those crafty kits you can buy to make keychains or bracelets or whatever.

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I think that 3 months isn't enough time for you to be introduced to his children. It's unsettling for a child to see his/her parent with new people in their lives, and unless there has been a commitment for the future (ie marriage), you should wait before you become a part of that child's life.

 

I know others will disagree.

 

It was his decision and the mother of his child supported it fully... who I met as well and she was welcoming and lovely [emoji4]

 

This isn’t the kind of guy (nor am I the kind of girl) that brings just anyone around their children. I trust his judgment and our feelings for each other.

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I agree with this.

 

Personally, I’d go with a small gift rather than a gift card. Not that there is anything wrong with a gift card... but a small gift is something you can connect and talk about. Especially - if you’ve met her - something you noticed she might like.

 

I was going to suggest fake/fun costume jewelry as well if she’s girly, or my goddaughters loved those crafty kits you can buy to make keychains or bracelets or whatever.

 

The only issue with the jewelry is that it might not be to her taste. I do like the craft kit idea, though.

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Kids (actually we all, I guess) always expect something on a bday celebration, so I think would be nice to get her something small, maybe a board game, some book, a small set of Legos if her dad says she is into it or a gift card. It will be nice and polite and not pushy at all since it's her bday. Good luck!

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It was his decision and the mother of his child supported it fully... who I met as well and she was welcoming and lovely [emoji4]

 

This isn’t the kind of guy (nor am I the kind of girl) that brings just anyone around their children. I trust his judgment and our feelings for each other.

 

Unfortunately, none of this matters. Children need stability. At a mere 3 months, despite you/your partner's/the ex's trust and support in the new romantic relationship, there is no way you have become a truly stable partner in this guy's life yet. Even less for his child. Around at least a year together with him in good standing, then yes that's a start towards displaying stability in the relationship, and thus a more appropriate time for introductions. 3 months into a commitment is still in the midst of the easy stage. Even if you've known him before getting into a romantic relationship, that is a completely different dynamic and uncomparable.

 

It would be a more responsible approach for you to pull back the reigns and delay meeting the daughter anymore until the relationship has shown some history of a stable, longer term romantic relationship. I doubt you will from the gist of your reply, but this is all for the good of his daughter. Everyone always believes in the relationship at the beginning, in terms of judgement and feelings for each other. The thing is, unexpected things can happen that aren't in your or your partner's control, which can rock young relationships. A history prepares you both for already knowing how to weather those storms effectively together, in the presence of an impressionable child. It minimizes the impact on the child and provides the backing for a stable figure in their life.

 

You and your partner can have all the trust in the world for each other, regarding compatibility. Until something comes up. When that happens (it will come up eventually down the road, it's only a matter of time), it will be the child who pays the most. I hope you have not been introduced as a romantic partner yet, instead of a friend or something else, so it will make the delay easier.

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Unfortunately, none of this matters. Children need stability. At a mere 3 months, despite you/your partner's/the ex's trust and support in the new romantic relationship, there is no way you have become a truly stable partner in this guy's life yet. Even less for his child. Around at least a year together with him in good standing, then yes that's a start towards displaying stability in the relationship, and thus a more appropriate time for introductions. 3 months into a commitment is still in the midst of the easy stage. Even if you've known him before getting into a romantic relationship, that is a completely different dynamic and uncomparable.

 

It would be a more responsible approach for you to pull back the reigns and delay meeting the daughter anymore until the relationship has shown some history of a stable, longer term romantic relationship. I doubt you will from the gist of your reply, but this is all for the good of his daughter. Everyone always believes in the relationship at the beginning, in terms of judgement and feelings for each other. The thing is, unexpected things can happen that aren't in your or your partner's control, which can rock young relationships. A history prepares you both for already knowing how to weather those storms effectively together, in the presence of an impressionable child. It minimizes the impact on the child and provides the backing for a stable figure in their life.

 

You and your partner can have all the trust in the world for each other, regarding compatibility. Until something comes up. When that happens (it will come up eventually down the road, it's only a matter of time), it will be the child who pays the most. I hope you have not been introduced as a romantic partner yet, instead of a friend or something else, so it will make the delay easier.

 

Thank you for your feedback, your concerns are duly noted... I totally get and agree with the wisdom of not pressuring kids to accept romantic partners before the relationship has been established.

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I vote small gift on this one... gift cards I do not think at age 10 are super appreciated & furthermore, I personally, wouldn't want to have a price on a gift card just yet being it is soo fresh as in you having just met her. I did a quick search of popular gifts for 10 year olds... anything crafty seems to be at the top of the list.

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I vote small gift on this one... gift cards I do not think at age 10 are super appreciated & furthermore, I personally, wouldn't want to have a price on a gift card just yet being it is soo fresh as in you having just met her. I did a quick search of popular gifts for 10 year olds... anything crafty seems to be at the top of the list.

 

My son is 10 and loves gift cards and being able to buy what he wants(he's also always loved coins and money). I would do a gift card and a small treat if she is not allergic to anything, etc.

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Gift card to the Movies or Amazon. Can't go wrong. $15/$20 okay. Yes, bring a gift to her party. If you were already invited, and already said yes, don't back out. Worse for her thinking you didn't want to get to know her.

 

This is what I was thinking... can’t undo what’s been done so how to make this a positive experience going forward.

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My son is 10 and loves gift cards and being able to buy what he wants(he's also always loved coins and money). I would do a gift card and a small treat if she is not allergic to anything, etc.

 

Both my girls loved gift cards at that age... the oldest has gone back to liking actual gifts but the 18 yo still likes the freedom of getting a gift card.

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This is what I was thinking... can’t undo what’s been done so how to make this a positive experience going forward.

 

Of course you can undo it. It's just easier, more fun, and doesn't go against the grain in the relationship not to. If the daughter won't hear back you won't be coming, then I suggest to not go. Otherwise, have you been introduced as a romantic partner? If not, I suggest to make an appearance with whatever gift idea you decide. Afterwards, I would do serious damage control. I wouldn't proceed with further contact with the daughter. Make it out as a friend that just wanted to give their best wishes. Talk to him openly about it.

 

If you already have, then that makes it slightly more complicated, but can be done. For now, you are a blip in this girl's life; no one she is concerned or personally invested in yet. While you don't want to, it really is better to not rush the relationship. All good things come in time. It is when you rush it, it starts to go awry. All of this in 3 months is a red flag, not usually a good sign. Apologies for being a debbie, however I would reflect on how fast this is going.

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Of course you can undo it. It's just easier, more fun, and doesn't go against the grain in the relationship not to. If the daughter won't hear back you won't be coming, then I suggest to not go. Otherwise, have you been introduced as a romantic partner? If not, I suggest to make an appearance with whatever gift idea you decide. Afterwards, I would do serious damage control. I wouldn't proceed with further contact with the daughter. Make it out as a friend that just wanted to give their best wishes. Talk to him openly about it.

 

If you already have, then that makes it slightly more complicated, but can be done. For now, you are a blip in this girl's life; no one she is concerned or personally invested in yet. While you don't want to, it really is better to not rush the relationship. All good things come in time. It is when you rush it, it starts to go awry. All of this in 3 months is a red flag, not usually a good sign. Apologies for being a debbie, however I would reflect on how fast this is going.

 

I appreciate your input, am sure you come from a place of experience as do the others here. I have personal experience as well as a single parent and as a step parent. I am fully aware of the pitfalls and the potential for a crash and burn of rushing into things. Outside of meeting his family, we haven't been rushing things at all and in fact are taking things slowly, getting to know each other and enjoying each of the stages of building a relationship by staying in the moment.

 

I have taken a lot from advice I have seen on here and will continue to do so as we move forward in the various stages of our relationship. Thanks again for everyone taking the time to give their input!

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