Unusual Situation

[scooterman]

Most of my life, I have been dealing with neurological problems that made it almost impossible to date or have relationships with women ( I'm not counting a couple of dysfunctional encounters, long ago, that went all the way ). Recently, the problems have been brought under control enough that I've actually done some internet dating. Lately, I've had several dates with the same woman, but haven't gotten past hugging, for fear of completely botching the first kiss. Certainly, the neurological problems cause a lack of coordination, but I'm more concerned that my inexperience will betray itself and be a real turn-off. I'm way too old to be a rookie - any advice on taking this relationship to the next level?

[Afireblue]

Most of my life, I have been dealing with neurological problems that made it almost impossible to date or have relationships with women ( I'm not counting a couple of dysfunctional encounters, long ago, that went all the way ). Recently, the problems have been brought under control enough that I've actually done some internet dating. Lately, I've had several dates with the same woman, but haven't gotten past hugging, for fear of completely botching the first kiss. Certainly, the neurological problems cause a lack of coordination, but I'm more concerned that my inexperience will betray itself and be a real turn-off. I'm way too old to be a rookie - any advice on taking this relationship to the next level?

 

What kind of hugging have you done with her? Just hello, goodbye or more affectionate stuff

 

How about being honest and opening to her about the issues you faced ? She may be understanding and thankful for of your honesty

[Tinydance]

How old are you if you don't mind me asking? Honestly I think you might just have to go for it. Just try to create a bit of a romantic atmosphere like a walk in the park or on the beach or something (if weather permits). Or invite her to your place and cook her a nice dinner then watch a movie and cuddle on the couch and start kissing. This woman obviously likes you enough to keep going on dates so what have you got to lose! Everyone was inexperienced at some stage in their life and just had to go for it and wing it. I think at some point you do have to make the relationship more physical because otherwise it'll just end up being only a friendship.

[Rose Mosse]

Congratulations, first of all, for having the courage to put yourself out there! Depending on how much your neurological issues may be affecting your life (or how you perceive it affecting your life), it might be best to tell her more about yourself sooner rather than later. You don't have to put yourself on the spot and feel vulnerable all at once but when there's some comfort established between the both of you and you're speaking about yourselves, I think both of you ought to know more about each other. You shouldn't feel guilty for what's happened or for being uniquely you. Just roll with it and see how it goes.

[catfeeder]

If she's aware of the physical condition and wants to date you anyway, then why would a lack of experience due to the condition surprise her?

[scooterman]

The real question is; how do women (generally) regard inexperience? Big problem or not? Yes, I know there's only one way to really find out, but I think these responses have given me a little more direction. Thanx, everyone, for the input.

[AlexanderK]

First, tell her about your neurological condition. If she accepts it and she is ok with it, then she’s the right woman to have a relationship with.

 

Then I propose either of two things:

 

Kiss her and “destroy” the first kiss due to lack of coordination. Tell her that your intention was to kiss her lips but you “failed” because of this or that and then have a great laugh together. Chances are that she will kiss you.

 

Or you can tell her straight forward that you want to kiss her but that you will probably lose your coordination because of this or that. Then ask her to help you with the kiss. Chances are she will kiss you (or help in her own way)

 

And most importantly: it's ok to be inexperienced.