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Things changing overnight.. advice needed


Phuket17
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Me and my girlfriend have been together for 2 and a half years now. The first 20 months were absolutely perfect, went on numerous holidays, spoke about saving up for a mortgage and discussed a plan for when we wanted children etc. As well as this, I done everything for her and helped her through a lot of personal problems in that time. All of a sudden things changed. She started to hide her phone and speaking constantly to a friend from work (I know she has no feelings for this boy and he knows she has a boyfriend. He’s a few years older and extremely ugly) but the way he speaks to her is extremely annoying, constantly flirting with her, talking down to me etc. Turns out she then lied about meeting him and going a drive, says this was only because she didn’t want to upset me and cause arguments. After a few weeks of constantly arguing about the way this boy speaks to her, I eventually asked her to choose between deleting me or deleting him and she refused saying she didn’t want to lose me but didn’t feel it was fair to lose a friend over it. Within a day of that I’d told her I was finished and the other boy was mailing her asking her to go and stay at his, calling her babe and stepping the flirting another level... we’ve been working at it for weeks now to no avail, her family agree with me and have been raging at her since it all happened... any advice from anyone on what to do next, whether to continue or not would be much appreciated.

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She started to hide her phone and speaking constantly to a friend from work (I know she has no feelings for this boy and he knows she has a boyfriend. He’s a few years older and extremely ugly)

 

 

The fact that he is "extremely ugly" is no proof at all that she is not attracted to him. Regardless of whether or not she is actually physically cheating on you, at the very least she is emotionally cheating. There is no, no reason at all to meet a friend and refuse to disclose that information to your significant other. Not wanting to cause any arguments is a cop-out and should not be enough for you. And hiding her phone? That is usually Red Flag #1.

 

I'd move on from this relationship.

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If she won't stop this one on one interaction with him then there isn't much you can do next. She has to been shown that she can't be emotionally with him and still have you in her life. I'd break up with her if she won't break up all this interacting with him... OR only stops but resents you for it. If she is in this relationship with you, ending the chitter chatter and private drives would be something she would want to do in order to make things right.

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Doesn't sound to me like she's ready for a relationship. I'd chalk up her inconsistencies to youth and inexperience with a bit of stupid mixed in (sorry). Be kind to each other and let each other go.

 

She needs time to learn better boundaries and some professionalism at work(no personal calls outside of work and no contact with coworkers for daft reasons and no drives with other men).

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