Does he want to get back together?

[orangezdsh]

Hello,

 

A few weeks ago I told my boyfriend I thought we needed a break because we was arguing a lot and wasn’t really appreciating each other. He was devastated and really upset and so was I, it only took me a few days to go back to him and tell him that I really missed him and if he just gave me space for a week I’ll meet him at the weekend and we can talk about things. He didnt overly give me space - he messaged me quite a bit but I guess I confused him by telling him I wanted to get back together. We met up and we got back together.

 

However, I think I wasn’t given enough space and I was beginning to feel miserable again just days into the relationship. After just over a week I told him it wasnt working and we was just being miserable again, he asked me to give him another chance but I told him I didn’t have the hope things would change. Now we’re in sixth form together, we get the same bus and are in a lesson together (just to help you understand the situation better).

 

But, again, after a couple of days I realised I’d made a mistake and I didn’t want to lose him. And this time I know things will be better and I’ll appreciate him a lot more because I’ve had the shock of nearly losing him. I asked my ex’s friend if he would ask him if he’d talk to me in person, his friend told me he’s confused and doesn’t want to speak to me in person but I can message him and he can choose whether he wants to reply or not.

 

I wrote a message telling him how I made a mistake and I know I’ve been an awful girlfriend by messing him around and that I’d do anything to be with him because I’d been blind to my feelings before. He replied telling me “I dont hate you, I dont even slightly dislike you; but I am so angry at you” “I understood why you wanted to break up the first time but this second time was such a bull reason” “If the girl I fell in love with who clearly cared about me is gone then I dont ever see us getting back together” “If we do get back together we will not be starting where we left off, we are back at square one and we might be able to work from there if I feel like I can trust you again” “i dont want you throwing a stop just because we arent getting back together straight away”

 

I replied saying I totally understand and I’m willing to give him as much time as he needs, and I promise that I will never give up because this relationship means everything to me and he replied “We’ll see what happens”. The next day in college he looked at me and said hi in our lesson, he smiled at me and asked me some questions about the lesson when he was stuck. I haven’t heard from him over messaging or social media and I’ve read up everywhere that the best thing to do is give him space and he should come back.

 

By the things he said in that message and the way he acted at college do you think I have a chance if I let him have space? Should I message him checking up on him in a week or so or should I have no contact until he initiates it? I don’t have many people to talk to about this so I’m just looking for advice. Thank you.

[ninjabib]

You are both very young. You cannot simply drop and pick people back up everytime you feel down in a relationship. It does not work that way. Of course you are not obliged to be with him and it's ok to have concerns in a relationship but I know that if you dropped me and asked me back twice in short succession I would be very hesitant to return. To be honest I would be thinking you were lining up someone else and that hasn't worked so you are returning to me or something else. Your behaviour doesn't add up. Even if not I would find it hard to trust in your behaviour.

 

He's being wise and taking time for himself to make a final decision over your relationship. If I were you I'd do the same and be sure that this is what you really want if he takes you back. It is good that you recognise what you did were wrong though. Good luck.

[MissCanuck]

This relationship is very unlikely to work anymore, OP. Going no contact or checking in with him isn't going to get at the root of the problem and resolve the hurt he feels.

 

When you bounce in and off out of someone's life, you show them that you are irresponsible with their feelings and not a good relationship candidate. He doesn't trust you anymore and the damage done by breaking up and coming back and then breaking up and coming back again is going to be very hard to undo. Even if you two did reconcile, I promise that the effect of this on-off thing is going to take its toll and make it difficult for him to invest in you again.

 

I would not reach out. It's up to him now. But I would be curious to hear why you were so miserable with him that you broke it off twice. What are the problems you two have? Unless and until those issues are addressed, there is no chance at working things out.

[ThatwasThen]

Why were you arguing in the first place? What made you want to break up with him to begin with. The answer(s) to those questions is important in determining why or if you should even want to be with him. There is no point being with someone you cannot get along with (even if you do think you love him).

[Andrina]

If he were the one writing in, I'd tell him to definitely go no contact, because past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. You dumped him twice and you'll do it again. Why not admit you didn't care enough to work out things together, or realize your style of running away from problems like they are a scary bear instead of using communication, behavioral change, proactive actions, to improve a situation, then you should be working on yourself.

[Hollyj]

It's not about a break but dealing with the problems. You can take all the breaks you want, but if you do not resolve things, it won't work.

 

What are the problems?

[RayofLighten]

You messed him around ALOT. He's likely lost his trust in you now. He deserves better. You can't just drop a person and pick them back up when you feel like it. I think you have blown it I'm afraid.