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My bf can’t have sex with me


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So my bf and I have been together for 2.5 years and when we first started dating we had sex all of the time. I have a very high sex drive so I like to have sex whenever I can and have fun but about a year into our relationship my bf started having panic attacks when I tried to have sex with him. He told me that it’s because of an abusive past relationship where the gf would somehow con him into sex with her like say she was gonna kill herself if he didn’t or something so I backed off and stopped pulling the first move and just let him decide when he wanted to have sex well now for the past 1.5 years we’ve had sex like once every few months or so and for me it’s unenjoyable I never finish because it’s always over so quickly and any foreplays lasts 30 seconds and he wants to jump right in it’s like he’s in a rush. It’s hard for me to talk about what I like in the bedroom when it’s so rare to happen anyways I feel like beggars can’t be choosers🤦🏻♀️ I’ve thought about talking about an open relationship but on the other end I think I’d end up jealous if he was hanging out with someone else too. I don’t know how to handle this, sex has always been a favorite and big factor in my relationships. Please give me your thoughts should I keep trying to work this out?

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You can't fix this for him and he can't fix it on his own. He needs to get counselling for his issues and high anxiety.

 

I would suggest asking him if it's open to getting help and if he's not then let him know you can't continue.

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I think he's full of it. If it was so traumatic for him he wouldn't been able to have sex with you right in the beginning. He's making excuses and he's being lazy. Sorry but he's not that into you/ might be seeing someone. That is my theory. Me, I would call him out on his BS. Do some digging...you'd be surprise what you will find.

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I think he's full of it. If it was so traumatic for him he wouldn't been able to have sex with you right in the beginning. He's making excuses and he's being lazy. Sorry but he's not that into you/ might be seeing someone. That is my theory. Me, I would call him out on his BS. Do some digging...you'd be surprise what you will find.

 

Hate to say this, but this is my thinking too. When I read that it took a full year for this to suddenly come up, it just left me skeptical and wondering if his panic attacks aren't more about him cheating on you and feeling bad/guilty. On top of that, there is something off about his story and the way he has been behaving since.

 

Giving him the benefit of the doubt, it's his issue to address. The nicest thing you can do is sit down and tell him politely, but firmly that this isn't working for you and if he truly has this past trauma, ask if he is willing to get help to work it out. If not, you walk away. You can't help him, he has to want to fix himself IF he wants to. Expect that he might not and well....without a healthy sex life you are just pals.

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Had it been like this from the beginning then I'd believe him and advise therapy for him, but this happening a year into it and the only time you had sex it was in a rush for his own satisfaction... I don't know, it sounds fishy. But if you want to believe him then I'd tell him that he needs to get therapy for this issue if he wants to continue this relationship.

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Whether you're too aggressive for him or he was abused or not is irrelevant. The bottom line is that you are not sexually satisfied and you're too afraid to address that fact with him so leave him and find someone who is your sexual equivalent.

 

Opening up your relationship is a bogus way to deal with this. You'll just be outta there the minute you meet someone who rings your chimes. Don't stay with him an enable him to be sexually indifferent to you. Maybe he ought to be with someone A-sexual. (??)

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Sorry to hear this. Do you live together? Since the sex was fine the story about 'sudden panic" makes no sense. Is he seeing someone else?

been together for 2.5 years and when we first started dating we had sex all of the time.

 

a year into our relationship my bf started having panic attacks when I tried to have sex with him.

 

for the past 1.5 years we’ve had sex like once every few months

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