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I honestly don't know what I am doing here but I just need to say this, Basically I am a male and I'm around 18 and I like the same gender, I can't even say the words literally it's not right I feel trapped and alone because all my mates are straight and my boy mates are literally like lads, I even have some mates on road so I can never come out to them I literally try and make myself straight I try my hardest but I have urges to watch the same sex porn or think that guy is hot and I don't wanna feel like this, I don't want everything to change I'm the guy who everyone comes to too speak about things I can't be telling people this cause everyone will see me differently, My uncle and cousins and brother wouldn't accept Me because I was watching this movie about boys my uncle said if I was gay he'd knock me out, I have so many responsibility but I don't wanna let anyone down I'm just so confused right now, Everyday I feel like I'm holding my breathe and I need it to come out but my body physically won't let me do anything, Sometimes I wish I was dead so all these feelings and urges will stop I'm just scared I keep telling myself no one will know I'll have a girl friend and everything in the future and no one will ever have to find out but that's not the case I can't control how I feel like I really can't I'm just so ashamed of what I am now and ugh I'm not even homophobic I get along with gay people but it's different with me I just don't know I just want to come out N people will accept me but that will never be the case I guess I'm always gonna be trapped, I don't know why I'm here or doing this but I just had to do this I actually had to

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That's fine. Most people ask questions like this in their younger days. It's not a unique situation. If you're gay, you're gay. You should know it, you should love yourself. Don't depend on others to accept you or love you for who you are. It starts from inside.

 

Yes, the comments from your uncle are unkind and homophobic but take it in stride. I hate to say this to you but this is good practice for you. Learn to filter and let things roll off your back. Grow a thicker skin and remember to learn to love yourself. Keep exploring and bide your time if you have to until you move out and are independent. Remember this is NOT the end of your road. Life will continue and you should continue growing with it.

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There's nothing wrong with the way that you feel. But you should accept who you are! The way you are feeling right now only confirms that being gay isn't a choice - you're born that way. Coming out to yourself and your friends and family is a unique process to everyone and happens at all stages of life. Surely you must have SOME friends who you can talk to? You'll feel so much relief when you find your feet and are comfortable starting to tell people, if only one other person at first. Do you have any female friends?

 

I know it feels tough now, but it'll be okay! Every gay/bi/trans person goes through this stage at some point. When you're ready, you'll know. If you're "around 18" you're surely about to be in a spot where you'll be going to university soon and will have the option to move away and start a new chapter in your life. Embrace who you are. Don't let it bring you down. This is a huge part of who YOU are. Accepting and loving yourself is the first step.

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I was watching this movie about boys my uncle said if I was gay he'd knock me out

 

That's horrible. I'm so sorry you have to deal with people like this in your own family.

 

The Trevor Project is a good place to start. They have a free confidential hotline that I hope you'll call.

 

Come to this forum and talk to us anytime. We will be your friends and we will root for you.

 

Wishing you the very best.

 

~LC

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