Was in the wrong for sending my ex’s mom flowers after surgery? Why would he tex

[goddess]

But you were married for years and have a child in common. My parents are divorced and get along well and my grandparents from my mother's side love my father. Actually both sides of the family really like each other. I know this family dynamic might seem weird to some, but it has worked for us.

 

But in the case of an ex boyfriend with no children in common, I'd try to avoid contact with his family too, at least while still mad at her ex (look at how she treats him when they meet in person because of mutual friends). Was she over her ex and him over her and had been years since the break up where it was enough to heal and forgive and they had become cordial or even platonic friends, then I wouldn't view contact with family so problematic.

 

I know it's sad but unfortunately when we break up, we also have to say goodbye to the ex's family as much as it's difficult.

 

You're right and I agree with you. I didn't realise that it was her bf. I don't find your family dynamic weird at all. In fact, I think it's wonderful. xx

[goddess]

Goddess, your comparison between your 29-year marriage - which produced children - to a relatively short dating relationship holds very little wright.

 

You're comparing apples and oranges between your situation and OP's.

 

I feel kind of silly now. I thought it was her husband. I see your point.

[Cherylyn]

Your intentions were good regarding sending your ex's mom flowers post-surgery but unfortunately, "being friends" post break up or divorce won't be what you expect. Unfortunately, once you break up or divorce, often times, it's the final end of the relationship.

 

It's a harsh reality check. I faced this, too. My cousin's parents divorced but I loved my aunt and wished to rekindle our relationship despite her divorce. I had nothing but endearing, fond memories of my aunt from my childhood. No can do. My aunt told my cousin that once she divorced, she cut off all former in-law ties and that was it. She refused to come back and I'm certainly not going to get in the way nor contact her against her will. I tried once and it backfired sorely. I'm not going to set myself up for hurt anymore. I was forced to respect and abide by her and her family's wishes so I did. We'll never cross paths again and I've since grudgingly accepted this fact.

 

I've heard stories where people are are chums post break up and divorce but it doesn't always happen the way you wish. Also, people don't like it when you bypass them and still remain in contact with their relatives or family. It doesn't sit well with them and they want you to know to leave them alone completely.

[JA0371]

I’m curious how his mom views this. She is ultimately Your exes mother, not yours ...so don’t expect her to continue having the same close relationship you’ve had. At some point it will start causing issues with her son and I’m certain that will cause yours and her friendship to die a natural death. Unless you have intentions of being his friend or reconciling I would just cut contact completely.

[katrina1980]

Look, what you did was ultimately inappropriate. You are broken up, but you continue to try and insert yourself into his family life. It doesn't matter that you felt close to his mother, when you break up, you end all connections, especially those with the ex's family. Stop trying to stay in his life, let go, move on. You sound like someone who has serious issues with letting go. You've got to learn for your own sake and well being. When you break up, it is over. You have no place in any aspect of his life anymore, least of all, keeping in touch with his family. Learn some healthier boundaries.

 

I agree with this ^ and you can deny you still have feelings and only sent the flowers to make his mom smile till hell freezes over, but let's get real, if that was all it was, this thread wouldnt even exist.

 

Bottom line, when you reach the point of indifference with an ex, and have moved on, you don't give a rat's rear end what they think.

 

The fact you felt the need to start this thread at all is a clear indication that you do still care, and are very much bothered by his opinion of you.

 

Look, he's no dope, he knows what motivated you to send them.

 

I would suggest you think about your true motivations, and own it.

 

Stop using situations like this to keep a foothold in his life, which is nothing short of manipulation, and move on once and for all.