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After death, new dog or not?


Cherylyn

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You will know when the time is right. I waited 2 years. I did things i could do more easily without pets - travel, extra shifts, etc. When the time was right, I knew it. You may see a face on Petfinder or be at an adoption event and you might decide its time to start putting yourself out there about it. Don't rush into it, but don't wait forever. Do one thing you can't do while having a pet first, though, at least to me

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When I lost my previous dog, I talked to a breeder the next day (In Norway the adopt/shelter situation is in no way like it is in the US or Britian, just so you know. I'd probably adopt if there was available, suitable dogs, but most dogs up for adoption in Norway have severe issues and was given up because of that).

 

The puppy I bought was born the day after we lost our old dog, so there was a 10 week gap between them. It was horrible, and things was so much better when the new, little one moved in. That pup is now 11 years old, and I'm thinking that the day she goes, I'll have to get another dog the next day or so. I'll always have dogs, so the responsibility is just life for me. It's not really about replacing the old dog, but filling a void with something other than tears and sadness. So for me grieving time is just counter productive. I'll love the old dog the same, but I'll have someone else to focus on.

 

That being said, I'll probably die a little when this one goes.

 

Thank you Flipp. I understand how painful it feels to be "dog less" even for one day after your previous dog passed away.

 

I didn't know the way adoption is in Norway.

 

Thank you for sharing your story about how your new puppy brought so much joy into your life. You have loving memories of your previous dog but it looks like your new dog helped fill that void in your heart. Healthy distractions such as the new dog is a mentally healthy perspective.

 

Yes, a huge hole is left in our hearts when we say our final good-byes to our fur babies. It never gets easier. Thank you again, Flipp. I appreciated your kindness and sharing your story.

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My heart goes out to you, Cherylyn. It's shocking how strongly losing a beloved pet can strike us, even if we prepare ourselves. Your plan to enjoy some liberation time is wise. We're the only ones who can measure how much pet responsibility weighs in relation to knowing that so many unwanted pets need a good home.

 

One idea is to consider fostering. This is a temporary agreement to house an animal until a home is found to keep it loved and outside of living in a cage. Of course it's difficult to let go of animals we have come to love.

 

Taking a trip may be helpful. You'll come home refreshed and you'll gain a clearer picture of whether another pet in your home can make it feel like more of a home.

 

Thank you catfeeder. I agree with you, it is indeed shocking how much attachment we have to our animals and when they're suddenly gone, it's difficult to function normally. Freedom and liberation are great in its own way. However, it doesn't feel like relief. It feels like: "Hooray! I have more time but now I have all of this sudden LONELY freedom."

 

Fostering is a good idea. Thank you.

 

I was never a dog person until this previous dog passed away recently. I grew up with a few backyard dogs during my childhood so my family never bonded with them which was unfortunate and shameful. I thought animals were gross because of those backyard dogs. My previous indoor dog changed me. I feel as if I can relate better to a dog than people! Imagine that. "Dogs never bite me, just humans." Thank you catfeeder. You're a nice person.

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You will know when the time is right. I waited 2 years. I did things i could do more easily without pets - travel, extra shifts, etc. When the time was right, I knew it. You may see a face on Petfinder or be at an adoption event and you might decide its time to start putting yourself out there about it. Don't rush into it, but don't wait forever. Do one thing you can't do while having a pet first, though, at least to me

 

Thank you abitbroken. It's wise to wait 2 years. My neighbor said he waited 2 years, too. Life is definitely more convenient without pets. You're smart by not rushing into pet ownership while not waiting forever either. Ok, I'll try to do one thing I couldn't do while having a pet. I'll have to change my lifestyle since after work, I'm a homebody.

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Thank you abitbroken. It's wise to wait 2 years. My neighbor said he waited 2 years, too. Life is definitely more convenient without pets. You're smart by not rushing into pet ownership while not waiting forever either. Ok, I'll try to do one thing I couldn't do while having a pet. I'll have to change my lifestyle since after work, I'm a homebody.

 

I'm sorry about your loss!! So no personal experience but one dear friend did get another dog after their beloved older dog passed away -within maybe a year or less? Then I have a friend who just lost her elderly dog -maybe 15 years old -and I am reluctant to ask but I sense she's not in a rush because she really did take it hard - understandably! Also she has two young children and might not want to take on a puppy or foster right now. Wish you the best.

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I'm sorry about your loss!! So no personal experience but one dear friend did get another dog after their beloved older dog passed away -within maybe a year or less? Then I have a friend who just lost her elderly dog -maybe 15 years old -and I am reluctant to ask but I sense she's not in a rush because she really did take it hard - understandably! Also she has two young children and might not want to take on a puppy or foster right now. Wish you the best.

 

Thank you for your kind words, Batya33. I appreciated it very much. Thank you for sharing your stories about your friends. It was unbearable for your friend so he / she got another dog within a year of his / her dog's passing. Then your other friend is an extremely busy, young mother of small children so it's understandable that she is reluctant to take on another responsibility for another life right now. Thank you, Batya33.

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Sometimes love follows a commitment, and not the other way around. My cat, Layla, grew ill at the same time my sister had rescued a lap cat, Butch. Problem was first perceived to be her adult male dog, Miles, who went out of his skull over the adult male addition. Miles was too well behaved to cross a kitchen barrier without permission, and so Butch would wander up to the barrier just outside of Miles' reach. And sit there. When sister would invite Miles to the family room, he would plow past the cat to join the family. Then the cat would sneak into the kitchen unnoticed, make his way over to the dog's water dish, and pee in it.

 

No wonder Miles was not happy with Butch.

 

Butch got caught by one of the kids and was promptly relegated to the garage during the night. While he was permitted free roam of the property during the day, he was no longer allowed into the house. A search for a new home had begun for Butch.

 

Layla died shortly afterward, and when I called my sister for sympathy, she gave a quick "Awww," before suggesting that I take Butch. I couldn't stand the thought of him sleeping in a garage, and so I showed up to claim him within a day. The drive home in the carrier really upset him, but he seemed curious to explore my place when I opened the carrier.

 

I guess I should have 'showed' him the litter instead of placing him directly in it while he was still frazzled from the drive. He jumped out, grabbed my ankle, bit me, then ran off into my bedroom. I hollered after him, "Now I know why you were in a shelter!"

 

I already knew that I would not send Butch back to a shelter. I'd committed, and Butch had immediately returned to his friendly, unfazed self by the time I checked on him in my bedroom. Sure, it was difficult to learn a new cat's personality while I still grieved for my Layla, but my focus was more invested in preventing Butch's homelessness than on begrudging him for not 'replacing' my prior pet.

 

In short time I fell in love with Butch in a way that still honored the differences between both animals. As predicted, he was clean and cooperative minus other male competition, and I couldn't have asked for a more loving companion. I never regretted taking in Butch so soon. I believe that he helped me to heal.

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Sometimes love follows a commitment, and not the other way around. My cat, Layla, grew ill at the same time my sister had rescued a lap cat, Butch. Problem was first perceived to be her adult male dog, Miles, who went out of his skull over the adult male addition. Miles was too well behaved to cross a kitchen barrier without permission, and so Butch would wander up to the barrier just outside of Miles' reach. And sit there. When sister would invite Miles to the family room, he would plow past the cat to join the family. Then the cat would sneak into the kitchen unnoticed, make his way over to the dog's water dish, and pee in it.

 

No wonder Miles was not happy with Butch.

 

Butch got caught by one of the kids and was promptly relegated to the garage during the night. While he was permitted free roam of the property during the day, he was no longer allowed into the house. A search for a new home had begun for Butch.

 

Layla died shortly afterward, and when I called my sister for sympathy, she gave a quick "Awww," before suggesting that I take Butch. I couldn't stand the thought of him sleeping in a garage, and so I showed up to claim him within a day. The drive home in the carrier really upset him, but he seemed curious to explore my place when I opened the carrier.

 

I guess I should have 'showed' him the litter instead of placing him directly in it while he was still frazzled from the drive. He jumped out, grabbed my ankle, bit me, then ran off into my bedroom. I hollered after him, "Now I know why you were in a shelter!"

 

I already knew that I would not send Butch back to a shelter. I'd committed, and Butch had immediately returned to his friendly, unfazed self by the time I checked on him in my bedroom. Sure, it was difficult to learn a new cat's personality while I still grieved for my Layla, but my focus was more invested in preventing Butch's homelessness than on begrudging him for not 'replacing' my prior pet.

 

In short time I fell in love with Butch in a way that still honored the differences between both animals. As predicted, he was clean and cooperative minus other male competition, and I couldn't have asked for a more loving companion. I never regretted taking in Butch so soon. I believe that he helped me to heal.

 

Wow, thank you for sharing your touching story, catfeeder. I'm so sorry for your loss. Never was a pet better cared for or loved.

 

Your sister and you had quite the journey with Butch. (I don't blame Miles' resentment.)

 

You have a great heart for giving Butch a chance to prove his worth to you and now he fits right at home with you. He's loving, clean and cooperative as you had described. Thank you so much for sharing your heartwarming story and explaining how Butch helped you heal from your poignant memories of your beloved Layla. I really appreciated your kind words, catfeeder. Thank you.

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  • 2 months later...

I have a Bassett hound named Saggy Maggy...she just turned 5...I got her when she was 9 weeks old. I love her so much 💕...so I understand how sad you must feel. I had a lab before Maggie who passed away ...but I waited over a year before I was ready to get another dog. I think I may get a second dog as Maggie gets older because I don’t like how hard it is losing a pet ..and having that horrible void in my life...

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  • 2 weeks later...

Thank you JA0371 and everyone here. I appreciated your replies. I'm very sorry for your loss regarding your beloved lab. Furry friends are truly man's (woman's) best friend.

 

I was never a dog person all my life until I had my Golden Retriever ever since she was a puppy. She changed me. She taught me the meaning of loyalty, real companionship and devotion. She didn't have a mean bone in her body.

 

The upside after she passed away was life became more convenient and less expensive. After she left, suddenly there is more time albeit lonely time. My house feels empty. I love dogs but they're a huge responsibility and commitment. Perhaps I'll be ready in a year or two for a new dog but not now. It's too soon. I also need to be realistic about finances and extra busyness in my household.

 

She taught me a lot. I hate to say this but I feel dogs are better than people. I meant great dogs are better than people. She never disrespected me and she was never rude towards me. This is why I call her a saint which is well deserved. She earned it.

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  • 1 year later...

First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. It is truly hard to lose a pet.

While you can never fully replace this dog in your life, you can give that same love to another dog. It hurts to care for a pet so much for years to lose it. But if you feel there is room in your heart to love again, absolutely go for it. It will be hard to lose another dog, but those memories you will make with the dog are priceless and will be with you forever. It is hard to recognize that when the loss is fresh, but time heals all wounds. I've lost so many pets so I've experienced it firsthand. This may sound cruel, but it's easier to move on from losing a pet than a human. That doesn't mean it's easy at all, however.

You mentioned you didn't exact care for the difficulties of having a dog. Maybe you could try having a different pet that requires less care and attention? Such as a cat?

Again, I am so sorry for your loss and I hope you find another dog or animal to love or find peace without one!

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On 3/20/2019 at 8:03 PM, Cherylyn said:

However, I don't miss the reality check of enormous commitment, responsibility and expense of taking care of "a toddler" for 14 years.

If you're up to trying cats, they are not as hard as dogs at all.

They self-potty train for the most part, and come out, "knowing," exactly where to go when you provide them a litter box they can easily climb into.  Kittens are a little hard because you have to child-proof your house, but other than that, they grow out of that fairly fast and provide endless entertainment and joy!

My mom's cat she was VERY close to, like a best friend almost, passed away and she was devastated.  

But then a new kitten showed up not long after, and she and my dad have been having so much joy raising it again.

My beloved Ese girl... was actually the daughter of my mom's cat (!!) She also passed away 2 years ago, was hit by a car right in front of our drive (!!) I was devastated and held her as she was dyign in my arms, and I cried my eyes out.

For myself, I can't do another cat right now.  My kids are more than enough for me to look after and I know I wouldn't be able to handle a cat right now.

BUT I promised our kids we'd get kittens next year altogether, the boys will be old enough to help me, the baby won't be as needy and our daughter will be able to safely handle them better (the older two are amazing with cats... they're very gentle kids and I can trust them, especially with that extra year).  Otherwise, I'd make us wait longer.  But they've been asking and pleading for years now, and I've been telling them no, even though I'd love a new cat myself.

If now isn't a good time for you, you probably should just wait until you really feel like you could handle a new pet.

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Thanks guys and ladies.  I really appreciate all of you.  ❤️

My mother has a dog, two cats and birds.  She is an animal lover.  My siblings own dogs and always encourage me to become another dog or cat owner.

I miss having a pet or pets.  However, I'm currently enjoying freedom, too.  I felt as if I never really slept well for 14 years because pets make noises while they sleep, wander around the house while I'm sleeping, I can hear their claws on hardwood floors, against the door, drinking water and they don't sleep long.  They take a lot of naps day and night whereas humans need longer stretches of QUIET sleep at night.  I've become spoiled and don't want my sleep disturbed.  The house needs to be so quiet, you can hear a pin drop.

I miss daily walks with my Golden Retriever.  However, I don't miss the following:  Cleaning her paws upon entry to the house at least 6 times a day, hosing the front and backyard lawns for #1 & #2 so the grass is always clean, brushing her coat 3x per day, cleaning her ears, brushing her teeth every night, making homemade dog food (for her sensitive stomach), wiping her mouth every single time she drank to prevent drool on my floors, shedding in my home, lining my car seats all the time, prohibitive vet bills and it was like taking care of a baby! 

We took our dog everywhere, always had the seats lined, I lifted her in and out of the SUV and shared good times together.  She was a lot of work! 

I love the companionship of a dog or cat but I don't miss its tremendous responsibilities.  What they give back is priceless but I'm a neat and clean freak so I doubt I'll own pets again.  I've owned so many pets that I need a break from them.  Pets are great, I love other people's pets but I don't want more responsibilities dumped onto my plate. 

I save a lot of money on vet bills, pet food, required annual pet licenses and other associated expenses.  It's a long overdue relief to be able to save money every month. 

Lately, I'm more of a people person instead of a pet person.  Perhaps someday, I might consider owning a pet again.  However, for now, I'm burned out from pet ownership.  I recently donated all of my expensive and accumulated dog supplies to a local dog rescue.   

I remember there were so many days and nights when my husband and I would have to tag team or divide and conquer in order to take care of pets.  He or I would tend to pets while the other had to pick up the slack with household chores, cooking, run errands, etc.  I don't want to do that anymore.  I prefer to have his help with whatever I need to do instead of having him walk the dog so I can get dinner on the table, for example.  Or, one of us would take the dog to the vet while the other ran errands.  Life was too hectic and life in the slow lane nowadays is a relief.

My mother and siblings have pets so in the meantime, I'll vicariously live through other pet owners. 

We've owned birds (finches, cockatiel & parakeets), an aquarium full of fish, lizards, hamsters, rabbits, crawdads, tadpoles, frogs, cats and dogs (German Shepherds, mutts and Golden Retriever).  We have two sons so "been there done that." 

 

 

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1 hour ago, Cherylyn said:

We've owned birds (finches, cockatiel & parakeets), an aquarium full of fish, lizards, hamsters, rabbits, crawdads, tadpoles, frogs, cats and dogs (German Shepherds, mutts and Golden Retriever).  We have two sons so "been there done that." 

 

That is amazing!  What kind of animal would you say is easiest overall?  

Our kids have wanted other things, but I'm sticking to the kittens next year for the most part.  But they've wanted a bearded dragon (that will pretty much always stay in his enclosure they'll create for him), they've wanted a hamster, or guinea pig, or a dwarf-sized rabbit... LOL They want ANYTHING but I'm like, NOPE, it's kittens next year or bust lol

The kittens will be a lot of work, but I'm looking forward to it and they'll be inside only, so no more car accidents!

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29 minutes ago, maritalbliss86 said:

That is amazing!  What kind of animal would you say is easiest overall?  

Our kids have wanted other things, but I'm sticking to the kittens next year for the most part.  But they've wanted a bearded dragon (that will pretty much always stay in his enclosure they'll create for him), they've wanted a hamster, or guinea pig, or a dwarf-sized rabbit... LOL They want ANYTHING but I'm like, NOPE, it's kittens next year or bust lol

The kittens will be a lot of work, but I'm looking forward to it and they'll be inside only, so no more car accidents!

I hear you about pet ownership. I forgot to mention that finding a pet sitter, kenneling them or figuring out what to do with pets if you're gone for the day or out of town is a hassle and dilemma each time.  I don't miss those worries either.  It's expensive or I have to inconvenience my in-laws to take care of pets if we're not home for a while.  This means, I have to drive an hour to drop off the pet off at their house and then en route to home, I have to go out of my way to pick up the pet.  It's a hassle. 

My mother rescued kittens in her neighborhood.  I agree, they're a lot of work.  They were fed around-the-clock and massaged so they can go to the bathroom otherwise they'll die.  The mother cat (& same with other mammals) usually takes care of these needs for their young.  However, these kittens were foundlings. 

My sons adored their pets.  However, usually, responsibilities fell onto parents with remembering to feed them, clean them, clean up after them, vet visits, expenses of all kinds, exercise, etc.  If kids were busy with school, homework, organized sports, friends, etc., I'm the one who took care of all lives. 

The easiest pet?  Hmm.  A cat is easier than a dog because they sleep a lot, you don't have to ensure that they have daily outdoor walks and a litter box is easier than opening the door each time for a dog.  A hamster is easy if you don't mind their short life.  Guinea pigs are cute but noisy.  Rabbits are high maintenance.  You have to clean cages for guinea pigs, hamsters, rabbits, birds or any caged animal. 

With lizards, I was the one who had to drive to the pet store every week to buy crickets and meal worms for them.  I had to feed raw oatmeal to the meal worms to feed lizards.  The terrarium had a heated rock and artificial lawn for them.   Guess who had the lucky job of cleaning the terrarium every week?  Who cleaned the aquarium full of fish?  Who cleaned the litter box daily?  Who cleaned bird cages?  Who took care of the dog the majority of time?  And, the cats?  Yours truly. 🥴

I told my husband, "Once I'm finished giving all these pets a good life, don't even bring home a goldfish or houseplant!"  I'm done with pet ownership! 

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