I just need advice

[FaithKader83]

Hi I’m 16 years old and I have a crush on a guy I met at a volleyball tournament. I’ve known him for about 4 1/2 months and I’ve kinda caught feelings... but I know he hasn’t. Obviously 4 months isn’t that long and I don’t plan to say anything to him because I’m not ready to tell him and I don’t feel like it’s the right time... idk. I’ve been feeling down for the past few days! I just can’t get it off my mind... because his ex gf who lives in a diff state, unblocked him on social media and now they’re friends again.. but you know how that usually goes.... I just need advice. I’m trying to keep my options open because I know that there are plenty of fishes out in that sea waiting. We used to text everyday but after a few days, he just stop texting me and I did too... I don’t want to be overly chasing him and I don’t want him to feel obligated to text me, obviously. I just feel a lil sad so how can I stop catching feelings and see him as a friend because I really do like him as my friend... but I also think it would be nice to be something more. I want to ask him if he’s talking to his ex again... but that would make it too obvious that I like him. Pls give me advice!

[FaithKader83]

I made a previous thread called “does he like me or not” but this thread, I want it to be about how to just think of him as friends and get out of this sad mode... 😢

[JA0371]

In my opinion I think you should avoid him for now if you can and if you can’t say hi and keep it moving. Why.? Because you’re too emotionally unstable about the situation right now. I always find that I am much more confident when I’m not worried about the outcome of a situation... this applies to you. When you see him, be busy but friendly. Please don’t ask him about his ex.. chances are you’ll find out soon enough. In the meantime keep your options open..being with someone who seems lukewarm about you just sucks! Wait for the guy who makes you feel like he won the lottery!,

[Afireblue]

Feelings aren't something that you can turn on and off.

 

You are doing the right things for now, like talking about, asking for advice, etc.

 

There is more you can do like keep your friends close, keep busy, focus on other activities other than what you did with him,

 

I know you want to continue the friendship but right now the less contact you have with him the better.

 

Crushes come and go and it's good you are keeping your options open. You're a smart girl.

 

Best of luck

[LDJ]

Make you the center of your life and happiness, do not empower someone outside of yourself by focusing on them too much, by looking for answers in analyzing their actions or by trying to think of ways to control the outcome of how things go between the two of you. This is a fool's game and will lead to ongoing despair. Use your energy to enrich your own life, doing things that are interesting to you or give you fulfillment, like sports, friends, social activities, family and volunteering. Through these efforts and through creating happiness within yourself, you will attract the right person at the right time for the right kind of relationship.

 

He is of free will, if he was that into you, his ex gf would still be blocked and he would be focusing all his energy into resuming the communication you said you started. But he let it drop, that tells you all you need to know.

[RayofLighten]

Keep a distance. Don't get involved. Get on with your life, indulge in hobbies and hang out with friends. Thoughts of him will soon fade. You're young, you'll be ok :)

[catfeeder]

I've always found it helpful to keep my crushes to myself and trust that if mutual attraction ever meets the right time, then we'll end up together somehow. This helps me to relax and build my focus on other things. Too much fantasy equals living in your head, and that can not only make you lazy when it comes to well-rounding your life, it can make you boring. I'd skip that, focus on other aspects of your life, and if the guy ever wants to develop an interest in you, he'll make sure you're the first to know.

 

Head high, and think of resilience as a life skill that will serve you well into the future.

[Gary Snyder]

If you want to get over him you have to date and otherwise get involved with your own life. Time heals.

 

If you want to be freinds with him, you have to find a replacement for him, a new crush or boyfreind. That and time will put your heart at ease and then you can just be freinds.

[thedoulamom]

These types of emotions can be so complicated. I remember when I was your age, I had a similar situation happen. We actually went to a dance together, we were really good friends. It looked like we were headed toward making our relationship more. Then when we came back from Xmas break he changed. Our relationship was different. I tried to stay friends but he made it weird. Looking back I think it was because he was insecure about the relationship I had with my other guy best friend (whom I eventually married). He pulled away from me because he made presumptions about something without actually talking to me.

 

For your particular situation I will say, stay his friend. As much as it can pain you to see him with someone else romantically, if your friendship is really important to you guys, keep that going. Eventually it could turn into more, but the foundation of any good relationship is friendship. Don't discount that. ;-)