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Does she love me secretly ?


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This is my first year in college. A girl in my class seems to be interested in me. At the beginning of the scholar year, she asked about my phone number, she wanted to hang out with me, she offered to go out to lunch and seems very excited to see me. She gets physical, she rests her head on my shoulder from time to time when we are sitting close to each other ... well, a lot of signals. She is the cute and friendly type even with the other guys but i can tell she is behaving differently with me and other classmates thought the same too, as some of them asked me if was dating her ( I'm her neighbor by the way :p ).


I liked her very much and i care about her, but i kept a bit of distance because i wanted to play it safe, see what are her true intentions, also i didn't want to mistake her friendly attitude for romantic attraction. We hang out, we flirt with each other and I'm always there when she needs me.


The thing is, she has a boyfriend . Despite the huge amount of conversations we had for months, she never mentioned him. Almost all classmates knew about that, except me ... She always talks about her family, what she does on the weekend, her activities, a lot of things ... but she never brought him up. I found out myself when he visited her in the faculty. He came twice and what's making me curious is that she texts me at the end of the day every time he comes to the faculty, it looks like I'm on her mind, or she is trying to see how i behave after i see her with her guy ...


Even when she goes on a date with him, when i ask her about her plans, she either says she is going out with some friends, or just mentions the place where she is going ... again, she never mentions him.


Does she love me secretly ? Or is there any possible scenarios ?

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Love is an awful strong word to use. This is very tricky because she is involved in a relationship even though for some reason she wants to keep that a secret from you. Here is how I would play it if I were you. I would continue to be her friend and just let her take the lead with things. Of course she has to get out of her current relationship before pursuing a new relationship with you if that is the way she wants to go. So just lay back and see how it unfolds.

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Here, I edited your post for you:


This is my first year in college. A girl in my class seems to be interested in me.


The thing is, she has a boyfriend .


This is all you need to know. She has a boyfriend. All your overthinking is for nothing. None of these supposed signs matter because she is taken.


It sounds like you want us to tell you that she is obviously in love with you and to go for it, but I think you already know that wouldn't be a smart move.


And I agree that love is a strong word. Most likely she thinks you're cute and could even like you, but don't chase after a taken girl.

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Soooo... I hate to be a bubble burster... but... in case it helps, I’ll say what I have to say anyways...


I know that we all like to feel special and believe we are different and believe in “the one”, etc... but if we take off our romantic glasses for a moment, I am a firm believer in watching how people treat others - because it’s often a good indicator of how they would treat you.


What this girl is demonstrating is that if you were in a relationship with her, what you can reasonably expect is for her to chat up other guys, sit close, rest her head on their shoulder, ask for their number, ask them to hang out one-on-one, all while concealing that she has a boyfriend, etc. Would you be cool with that? Sure - you can argue that maybe she is not happy in her relationship. But... most relationships hit rough patches. Would you want her to do that instead of talking to you and/or breaking up with you? Put yourself in her boyfriend’s shoes for a moment...


Finding out that someone has a significant other after they have been flirting or sending mixed messages always instantly turns me off for this reason. I would much rather date someone who basically wouldn’t give me the time of day while they were in a relationship because they were fully devoted. In my own observations, 90% of the time, how people treat others is how they are prepared to treat you.

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She has a boyfriend.


That's all you need to know.


I'm sorry for the mixed signals and the flirting...wow...what a butt...seriously. She's flirting, touching, resting her head on your shoulder; all this time behaving single and available...but she's not.


No doubt she's attracted to you...and she is flighty, flaky, and doesn't know what she wants. She's cheating on her boyfriend...maybe not sex, but this high level of flirting, touching, and engaging you is cheating.


If she was your girlfriend, and she behaved this way towards other guys, how do you think you would feel?


Maybe things aren't going so great with her boyfriend, which prompts her behavior, but do you really want to be her rebound or monkey-branch? She'll do the same to you as she's doing to this guy.


Don't be "that guy." Be a good "bro"...leave that woman alone.


Don't even consider her as relationship material. Now that you know she has a boyfriend, the flirting and touching needs to end.

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I agree with purplepaisley, now that you are aware that she has a boyfriend in her life you need to stop all the flirting behaviour that she does right when it occurs. That is something that should not be happening between you and someone in a relationship. It is apparent that she is sending mixed signals and that is her hang up, but you should not be feeding into it because it is sending the wrong message right back to her that it is appropriate behaviour when it is not.

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Unfortunately, you're in the friendzone. Stop "always [being] there when she needs me." This is friendzoning yourself to the point of making yourself a male-girlfriend. Are you interested in dating her? Well it's a no go as long as she has a bf. Your best course of action is to stop wasting time on this, pull way back and start investing time and energy in other girls.

she has a boyfriend . Does she love me secretly ?
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There's girls that enjoy male attention, even if they've got a boyfriend. It boosts their egos. But it could be any male, as long as they seem to like her.


Trust me when I tell you that she treats you the same as she does loads of other guys, and secondly, you don't want a girl like this.

They don't know what the word loyalty means or saving their flirtations and special moments for only one man.

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Why would you want to set yourself up for a front row seat to view anyone's capacity for disloyalty? That's a lose/lose, because even if you 'win' her away from her BF, you'll enjoy your victory for about 5 minutes before it occurs to you that you've promoted yourself from the one she's disloyal 'with' to the one she'll be disloyal 'to,' eventually.


Not a great start. Think.

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