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I used to use a language exchange site and met a guy around 1 year ago who told me he would teach me Russian if I taught him English. We spoke a little on skype and it was cool especially as he was a huge fan of music .. I'd accepted him on Facebook apparantly too as he seemed talented but soon enough I saw lots of his posts disappear and wondered if he was even real. I no longer accept friend requests from strangers but as I never get bothered by him I just didnt think to delete him as his messages have never been threatening. However, around 3 months ago he jokingly said "So yeah..you better be ready when you finish your degree in a few months ..Im gonna walk you down the altar in your city" ...as we spoke in the past jokingly I apparantly responded with "haha! hope youre well" but then, after months of not talking he sends me "Hey..hows things? Dont forget our marriage in a few months. Keep it in mind" i wrote back, a little nerved saying "Umm...I have a boyfriend. I moved cities. please leave us alone" to which he said "Ive already made all the preparations" ...

 

I'm petrified. This guy could be in my country for all i know and I wasnt even aware he was on my friends list as we literally never talk. I post frequently as I am a pianist and he did used to send me pics last summer with stuff Id posted with little hearts saying very innocent stuff like "cuty..I miss you" .

 

I've deactivated my account now as I blocked him only to come up with the idea of lying about my current city incase he is truly a stalker..and apparantly I cant RE block until 48 hours! Ive also had to delete messenger and Im scared of his next message when I go to block him again tomorrow night.

If he contacts me through another platform, do I call the police? or am I overeacting?

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You should check in with one other person (the most obvious choice is your boyfriend or a family member) regularly. I'd be honest with your boyfriend and tell him the truth but be kind about it and do it on a Sunday afternoon when you're both not prone to any heart attacks or sans-coffee morning mishaps. I don't think it will come to anything but having been stalked and having even had not one but two attempted sabotages on our engagement/marriage by two exes (his ex and a person from my past), I've learned not to trust anyone. We are not loud or social people and mostly keep to ourselves. The two individuals had nothing to do with each other and they were also separate incidents after our engagement. We were able to reason things out together and put aside our emotions to figure out what was going on and both of us were very surprised that anyone would go to such lengths to sabotage a marriage between two people who love each other. We eventually did get married and are very happy.

 

Be more careful in the future and don't let people in your life so easily. Don't be so naive as to volunteer more information about yourself either if he ever attempts contact you again. Keep your eyes peeled and be a bit more street smart. You can also report this individual to FB when you're able to block him again. You can report it to the police but where I live, the cops would just laugh. There's no concrete evidence that you are in any real danger. Try not to work yourself up too much. Just be a little smarter and be honest with your boyfriend about this incident. Don't be afraid and don't keep this to yourself especially where it concerns your safety.

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IMO you are stressing over nothing. I read this as an attempt at humour (not particularly a good attempt)

 

Is this guy Russian?

 

I’ve been dating a Russian woman for two years and know their culture well. If he’s Russian, he’s definitely not interested in you and joking.

 

A russian guy will persue you relentlessly ( I adopted this mentality and felt like a stalker) and be very abrupt about his feelings. You should expect messages daily, not occasionally.

 

I believe there is no word for dating. Dating is courting and is called the time of flowers and candy. Russian men go way over and above us men in the west, to win over a woman. He would have tried to bombard you with gifts if he’s interested.

 

Good luck learning Russian 😉.... I’ve been trying for years and I’m hopeless. It took me a month just to pronounce her name properly!!

Edited by Matt0050
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It seems there is a huge language barrier and perhaps this is his way of 'flirting" . Just delete and block him from all social media and all messaging/video apps. You need to review All your social media/messaging apps and reset the privacy settings. Why are you posting all this publicly anyway?

 

Is there a trusted tech/internet savvy friend you could ask to help you manage your social media better? Your overly public social media/internet presence and lack of appropriate boundaries is the problem and much more of a threat than some weirdo in Russia who's making lame attempts at flirting/conversation.

We spoke a little on skype and it was cool especially

 

I wasnt even aware he was on my friends list as we literally never talk. I post frequently as I am a pianist

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I'm too scared to sign back into my FB account - I'm more scared of MY reaction as opposed to his as his words "I already made preperations" are echoing in my mind..my heart is beating uncontrollably just thinking of it..I went through a good non-stress spell lately (Im a postgrad student) and I can just feel the stress re-entering. The most I HAD on my fb was my city but there is a good 400,000 people here (small as Im in Britain). I live with 200 students which helps with good security. Maybe I'm taking this alllllll out of proportion but for some reason I dont trust him. Trying to figure out why him out of all people Im scared..I think its cos he mentioned marriage and walking me down the aisle..

 

EDIT - I just signed in briefly and he wrote to me again one hour ago saying my name with a question mark after it (wasnt aware you could send a message to deactivated users). Will see what pans out when i can FINALLY block him

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PS this wasnt humerous. I looked back on our conversation history and he seemingly has had an online crush on me for at least a year.. I suppose I thought of him as "youtube guitarist" who used to be cool but the whole preperations thing is still freaking me tf out ..he also sent pictures of himself which is good for me if anything does occur further but doesnt even seem "weird" - one of his pics was a bit strange, it was him in the middle of his city and he had quite a strange expression but other than that he seemed sooooort of normal. Ugh

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I doubt he poses a serious threat, but keep an eye on your inbox in case any more of his messages manage to slip through.

 

Does your boyfriend know you've been getting messages like this? If not, share them with him. It's better to at least keep in him in the loop in case you get any more unwanted communication. The police very likely could not do anything at this point, though, as he has not actually threatened you nor showed up in your area. If it does escalate, then yes, do contact law enforcement.

 

My guess is that he will tire of trying to be funny with you and disappear. In the future, do not accept friend requests from people you have never met.

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Why won't you block this entity? If frequent mostly unfounded fears are upsetting you, consider getting a doctor's check up and seeing if there is help for this type of anxiousness or paranoia. Especially since you refuse to take simple measures to avoid this. Either you have some anxiety/panic issues or you love drama. Either way a check up and therapy could help you. "Calling the police" is ludicrous because not only are encouraging sustained contact and refusing to block him, he is not threatening you. The only reason to call the police is to take you to an ER to rule out cardiac, thyroid, panic or other disorders. Don't waste police resources on fb drama.

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OP, if I may...

 

I noticed in your posting history that you do appear to suffer from periodic anxiety and paranoia. You have several threads which suggest as much. While I don't disagree that this online man's behaviour is annoying and a bit troubling, I think it would also be smart to manage your underlying issues which are probably magnifying the current perceived threat.

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OP, if I may...

 

I noticed in your posting history that you do appear to suffer from periodic anxiety and paranoia. You have several threads which suggest as much. While I don't disagree that this online man's behaviour is annoying and a bit troubling, I think it would also be smart to manage your underlying issues which are probably magnifying the current perceived threat.

 

I was thinking the same thing.

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Wouldn’t stalking be more sending threatening messages? Like “If I can’t have you nobody can!” I watch a lot of different crime documentaries and some are about woman who are stalked. They receive a ton of phone calls in a day and they are of threatening nature.

 

So I don’t think you have anything to worry about OP as far as danger wise.

 

I think he’s just annoying and can’t take a hint. I had to deal with two guys like this in my dating life. They do go away. Until you can block him again just ignore him and don’t respond. Response will just give him validation.

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I'd be offended by the remarks toward my anxiety/paranoia but in this case its in my favour and I hope my brain has gone on a field day and that this truly is nothing. I have another 24 hours to go apparantly until I can fully block him (48 not 24 hours apparantly) ..HOWEVER. I'm not dumb, I think if you guys saw how he said these things and some stuff he's written to me you'd understand. When I told him "I will report you if you dont stop" he said "for what? to whom?" so maybe hes just as confused unless he's playing dumb..his profile name changed over the past year a couple of times and he has ONE picture of himself which is very dodgy in my opinion. My friend investigated quite amazingly and found him to live in Poland - the selfies he sent me last year show a shop which is apparantly only in one city in Poland. Have managed to take my mind off it for the most part but have kept my account deactivated and thinking of starting a whole new entire one....

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"for what?
I have the same question. Nothing he has said to you would be considered stalking.

 

Chillax and block him when a block is available to you.

 

My friend investigated quite amazingly and found him to live in Poland - the selfies he sent me last year show a shop which is apparantly only in one city in Poland.
Who's stalking who?
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I'm also struggling to find exactly WHAT you would be reporting him for. As an outsider looking in, when I read: ...." he jokingly said "So yeah..you better be ready when you finish your degree in a few months ..Im gonna walk you down the altar in your city" ...as we spoke in the past jokingly I apparantly responded with "haha! hope youre well" but then, after months of not talking he sends me "Hey..hows things? Dont forget our marriage in a few months. Keep it in mind" ....

 

All I see is a guy flirting with you. Nothing more, nothing less. I cannot for the life of me see this as someone stalking and/or threatening you in any way whatsoever.

 

OP, you really are way overreacting. Much ado about nothing.

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Jalapeno1234, when you had the Facebook account did you have your city and state information on your account and name. I highly doubt you had your full address and phone number on there. I highly doubt anything will come of this, but if you somehow do get other messages somehow or if he does show up immediately contact the police. I don't think that will happen.

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My experience of contacting the police in the UK about being harassed online was that they took it very seriously. I guess this is so that behaviour which could potentially escalate into something serious is nipped in the bud. Interestingly, the policeman who took my statement was as concerned about how I felt as a result of the harassment, as he was in the content of the messages. In my case, messages which would sound innocuous to anyone else also made reference to upsetting things in my life, which only I would understand.

 

To be honest, this guy's communication sounds like very heavy-handed flirting, but it can feel very menacing when you've asked someone to leave you alone, and they just persist. Keep records of all his correspondence and, as others have said, if it goes any further then contact the police. Apparently getting a phone call from the rozzers puts off all but the most hardcore stalkers!

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