Jump to content

Should I possibly try to get back with my ex?

Recommended Posts

So I broke it off with the guy I had been talking to for about a year because he wouldn't fully commit to me, and I was always having to beg for attention. We live and hour apart and go to two different colleges, to begin with during the summer we were seeing each other all of the time, which granted it was during the summer, and I really believed he loved and missed me. A few months ago we started only seeing each maybe once a week for a few hours on a Saturday night, he was always hanging out with his guy friends or either busy helping his parents do work during the day on Saturdays and Sundays, so he left me barley any time.. when I brought this issue up he said this was the best he could do for now and if it wasn't good enough for me then maybe it wouldn't work out and when I asked where this relationship was going ( I had previously told him I wasn't "talking" to him for more than a year that I wanted to date him with the actual label) he said he honestly didn't know where it was going. He said that he truly loved me and always said it to me. I honestly didn't want to or wasn't ready to break up with him be I was and still am crazy about him, but I decided to break up just to see if he'd fight back for the relationship which he really didn't. I don't know if it even affected him at all but it has done a number on me, all I do is cry and I'm depressed, and I can't eat I'm losing a tremendous amount of weight all over this break up. I constantly am checking his location on snapchat and I wake up about 2-3 times during the night praying that he'd just try and get back together with me. He hasn't text me in about a week since the breakup and it's killing me. I genuinely love him and id do anything for him, everyone has told me just to let it go, but I can't I want him back so incredibly bad. And I don't know what to do, I don't know whether I should just leave it alone or if I should try to reach out to him. Like I said I'm in love with this guy and I only want him, I honestly just wish he'd text me and I don't know if he hasn't because maybe he really never cared about me or just in the fact that I just broke up with him so he doesn't feel its his place to already text me. But what should I do? And also the break up was over text, which I did not want to do because we're adults and I feel like it should have been in person, but I didn't get the chance to see him and it just came up over text.

Link to comment

You’re friends are right, you should let it go and focus on moving forward.


Someone who loves you doesn’t hesitate to put a label on it after A YEAR. You weren’t getting what you needed in the relationship, and it’s very difficult to keep a spark alive with just seeing each other once a week. Either this wasn’t the right relationship, or it just wasn’t the right time.


You’re in college. This is the last time you’re going to have the freedom that you do before settling down into a job, a house, and endless bills. This is the time where you have fun, try new things, and learn about who you are as an adult. This relationship would’ve held you back from all of that. I know it hurts, but try to be excited about all the new doors you’ve opened up for yourself.

Link to comment

You need to get a grip. This guy doesnt want you and you dont like that so you are tormenting yourself. You need to stop this. Why would you want a guy who doesnt care about you? If you cannot get past this on your own, get some counseling to learn how to do that. You are putting your life on hold for someone who doesnt want you.

Link to comment

I think you need to come to terms with yourself and your apparent neediness before you venture into another relationship. He 'said' he loved you, but clearly he didn't. Learn in the future to distinguish between what a guy says and what he does. If they don't match, you should cut your losses.


You don't need him, you only think you do. Work on your self-esteem and value yourself and what you can offer first. Then maybe guys will be more likely to be attracted to you and want to stay.

Link to comment

A few things:


-You broke up with him to test him (not out of your own conviction that this relationship is unhealthy for you). Try not to do this again because in the end you're left with more questions than answers and testing someone when you're this broken up to begin or vulnerable is not going to bode well if the test fails (you're risking/gambling too much).


-It's not your fault that he turned out not to have the courage to break up with you in the first place or address the dwindling of your relationship. For whatever reason, not every person is up to the task of doing the break up. The person initiating a break up generally has to be prepared for any kind of reaction and anger is not what most people are able to face. Most people, ideally, do understand that with great joy also comes great risk and a responsibility to do right by their partners especially if they no longer feel the same way about them. I'm sorry your boyfriend(ex) didn't do the same for you if he felt his feelings were dwindling. You do owe it to yourself to pick yourself up and not dwell on a person who isn't truthful, honest or helpful to you in your search for happiness.


-Be realistic. Deal with what is right now and process everything in your own time. The worst thing you can do to yourself is live in denial or under the misunderstanding that someone cares for you when they may not at all. Be real with yourself and ask yourself what you need to be happy.

Link to comment

Leave it alone. Unfortunately, his actions show that you were not a priority and that he did not love you. I'm sorry for that.


You need to stop stalking him and block him from everything. This is how you will move on. You deserve more than he wanted to give.

Link to comment

I will go a bit against the current here,but here it goes.


I think that if you reaallllyyy like him you should contact him and see where it goes. But (and this is a huge but), before you do this, make sure you are ok with him not being available as much as you would like, and dont go in just to break up with him again.


As for him not reaching out, well he could like you back but just doesnt see the point of trying to talk you back (ieg. I reaaaallllyyyy like my current ex, but havent interaced with her since the moment of the breakup because I see no point in that), or he just doesnt like you that much, but you wont find out unless you try.


Good luck with whatever you choose.

Link to comment

Unfortunately it seems you've taken this more seriously than he has all along. Why not end it for good and date boys locally at college. Nobody wants LDRs.


The best approach would be to ask your parents to take you to a doctor or see a counselor on campus since you are having symptoms like this over someone you were "talking to".


Breaking up and ultimatums never work, particularly when it's been clear all along that you were over invested and he was just not that into you..

2-23-2018: when we went out on dates he’d make me pay for the entire date, mine and his stuff. 6 months into us talking he still had not asked me to be his girlfriend. we live about 45 minutes away from each other and go to different colleges.
Link to comment


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...