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Hi everyone,

 

It now has been 6 months since my ex-gf broke up with me. During that time I went trough a lot of emotions.

 

Recently I met a new girl, but I just can't stop comparing her to my ex (who I still love). Should I take more time for myself and heal before dating someone else?

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How would you feel if you were dating someone, got to really like her, then she told you she had to stop dating you because she was only using you to try to get over her ex? And that she compared you to her ex and she felt her ex was better than you and she still loves him?

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I've been on the giving and receiving end of "dating while not over the ex" It does help ease the pain, no doubt about it. BUT it is not fun to be on the receiving end of it, especially if things are going well (in their eyes) and things go South, it hurts.

 

Having said that, you may have already answered your own question, no? "but I just can't stop comparing her to my ex (who I still love). Should I take more time for myself and heal before dating someone else?"

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I've been on the giving and receiving end of "dating while not over the ex" It does help ease the pain, no doubt about it. BUT it is not fun to be on the receiving end of it, especially if things are going well (in their eyes) and things go South, it hurts.

 

Having said that, you may have already answered your own question, no? "but I just can't stop comparing her to my ex (who I still love). Should I take more time for myself and heal before dating someone else?"

 

I guess you are right, it's just that I have the feeling right now my life isn't going anywhere. I'm 27 years old, most of my friends are settling and I need to start all over again. Maybe I am looking to much for a new relationship, rather than to focus on my own healing.

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I guess you are right, it's just that I have the feeling right now my life isn't going anywhere. I'm 27 years old, most of my friends are settling and I need to start all over again. Maybe I am looking to much for a new relationship, rather than to focus on my own healing.

 

Healing doesn't have to span several years. A hiatus could be 3 or 6 months or a year.

Trust me on this one, it's not beneficial for either person with just one toe in the water of a new relationship. A time gap can really do wonders.

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What your friends are doing is completely irrelevant to your own situation, so disregard that one.

 

I personally don't date for a year after the end of a long relationship, because I know that by that time I'll have processed all the emotions, learned the lessons of the relationship and had time to move on. At least, I don't date with a view to starting a new relationship.

 

Getting out and about, meeting up with people whilst being clear it's for companionship and nothing more will help with the healing process whilst not leading the other person on. Like you, I don't like taking advantage of other people or hurting their feelings, but I've met plenty of others over the years who like to meet up because of joint interests or whatever and aren't particularly looking for a new relationship either.

 

I've also been on the receiving end of people who were using me to get over their ex, and it's not good for self esteem or trust (your own or anyone else's). Don't be that guy, and if you need more time - then take more time!

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What your friends are doing is completely irrelevant to your own situation, so disregard that one.

 

Good advice that is. I am certain that you learned how to walk at a different time than them as well!

 

Your friends, relatives, neighbours, bosses life is and always will be different that your own. Focus on the path that you want and be mindful that individual circumstances affect outcomes each and everytime!

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I just found this quote on ENA I thought would be relevant...

 

Originally Posted by Crazyaboutdogs

When somebody jumps straight into a new RS from another, that is just a transference of feelings and emotions from the previous RS. But if someone spends some time alone, heals properly and then finds someone new, then those feelings will be more genuine.

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You rebounded to get over your ex, and it didn't work. It often doesn't. Now, you're in a position where you know your current relationship is getting more serious and that you're not actually invested in it. So, of course you're considering ending it, and I think you should end it.

 

Just please learn the lesson. You are going to put this person you've been with for the past six months through the same pain you were trying to escape because you didn't take the time needed to actually process the end of your previous relationship. Rebounding is cruel, in my opinion, and should be avoided if possible.

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It soothes the pain until they leave compounding the pain.

 

Look it up, plenty of posts with people ready to jump off ledges because they keep chipping away at themselves.

 

Any potential this has will be ruined by the ghost of your ex. Its simply not worth it

 

P.S. google 'broken men who believe in the nice guy theory because theyre angry and hurt and unable to cope in a healthy ways'

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