Jump to content

Wife and I leaving the Big Apple


j.man
 Share

Recommended Posts

My wife's been applying for places out-of-state for the next step up as an assistant director or attending. She's been very patient and selective, going to plenty of interviews and tours at various places later and she's just accepted an offer for a more remote location in Illinois. Being honest, after living in 8 different states since hitting adulthood, I can't say I ever envisioned it being where I ended up settling down, but they offered her an incredibly comparable salary to what she makes here in NYC, with this area being something like 50% the cost of living on its most expensive day.

 

So right now we're actually looking at properties right across the border in Indiana. It's actually got me pretty excited eyeballing all these acres. It'll be good to have my own land out of the way to safely shoot, some land for some goats and chickens to start with, some tillable land to do some growing or at least lease out. Don't think it'd bring in too much, but I can still fill in some translation work remotely and spend more time day trading for income while growing the homestead. My heart sank a bit when she told me hers was set on this job, but after taking some time to really reflect, I've been ever increasingly pumped to be able to literally buy the farm when a lot of brothers were unfortunate to have to do so figuratively. We're planning on starting a family next year, and I think bringing all the lessons and experiences I've gotten in urban life to heartland will be a good complementing duo for the future little j.kids. Guess we'll see, though.

 

More of a rambling and an update than anything. I very rarely have issues to post about, so I feel a bit bad if I don't throw some stuff out there so that I'm not just that jack ass jeering from the bleachers the entire time.

Edited by j.man
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Since I always like your rambling I’ll ramble back.

 

First off: congrats! New adventures! Chickens! Whatever made you who you are, it’s clear from your posts that you know how to live.

 

I grew up—as an adult—in NYC. Moved there at 17, obsessed with all the clichéd ideas of becoming a “New Yorker.” The city was like a religion to me—or, really, a marriage. Saw her across the dance floor and said to myself: yes, this, forever. Blind commitment. All in. Zero doubts. Which served me well—for a while. I became one of those clichés I dreamed about as a restless suburban kid.

 

Which leads me to why I’m sharing all that. Many years ago I was in a great relationship with an extraordinary woman who was dying to get out of NYC, and wanted to do it together. Being a bit of my own island, stubborn, and not mature enough to really hear her or understand partnership, I sort of dismissed these conversations. Eventually we broke up, pretty amicably.

 

And what did I do? I left NYC after 17 years, and have had a blast since. Transformative stuff. Lots of fun. Blah blah. My story, still unspooling.

 

While that relationship is long in the rear view, I do internally thank her for the little push. One of the lessons that surfaced over the years was how sometimes leaning into/going with another person’s needs can lead to you finding more of yourself. Like, I don’t regret being a stubborn dude back then—alas, it’s who I was—but she was so clearly right, saw something I didnt see. Moving forward I have a little internal policy to just say yes to a partner in these scenarios, even when the heart is sinking a bit.

 

It’s still a hypothetical to me, since the partner search is ongoing, but guess I just wanted to share that since, well, this new chapter in your life is inspiring stuff to these ears.

 

Don’t think you need it, but best of luck and all that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

hey congrats! you guys are making an excellent move and what most of us big city dwellers are figuring out - life is too expensive in the big cities (or in the expensive states) that we get too caught up trying to stay above water to be able to sit back and smell the roses. i myself am tryin to secure a work from home job so i can move to a much cheaper area (CT... i now live in the Bay Area which is routinely #1 or #2 expense of living in America). So I'm hoping to secure a similar situation to you - secure a CA salary that lets me work from home and live anywhere, then move to CT (where my gf lives) that's much cheaper.

 

Good luck to you and your family (future and present!)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sounds great!

 

But...

 

Let me give you just a few words of caution.

My cousins sunk $500k into an 11 acre ranch. They said a lot of the same things you wrote. Wide open spaces, chickens, acres for their kids to run around in. Problem was, they were city kids who had no idea how to manage and maintain all that property. They became overwhelmed and tried to sell the property six months after they bought it but found no buyers. They walked away from it and took a huge hit on their credit.

 

You most likely have more experience than they did, but if not, just do a LOT of research on what it takes to maintain a large property.

 

Good luck!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Congrats j-man! Exciting update! I live in Northwest Illinois (Chicago suburbs - insanely expensive but less than NYC!) and I drive through Indiana to visit my mom in Kentucky. Lots of bang for your buck house/land wise in Indiana....for sure! Your new adventure sounds cool - nice place to raise a family. Good luck to you and yours! I'll wave when I drive through :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I grew up in Toronto, which is one big ass city! Moved to a small town at 25 then bought a farm at 30. 100 acres in mid west Ontario. People thought we were nuts, but let me tell you, the farm was awesome! All that land, the 14 acres of bush, the 12 acre apple orchard, the barn, the driving shed, and the peace and quiet and a creek running thru the back of the property! I thought I'd died and gone to heaven! It was a wonderful learning experience and a great place to raise kids along with chickens, turkeys, ducks, a few cows and some sheep, plus rabbits!

 

I hope you enjoy your acres as much as I enjoyed mine!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sounds great!

 

But...

 

Let me give you just a few words of caution.

My cousins sunk $500k into an 11 acre ranch. They said a lot of the same things you wrote. Wide open spaces, chickens, acres for their kids to run around in. Problem was, they were city kids who had no idea how to manage and maintain all that property. They became overwhelmed and tried to sell the property six months after they bought it but found no buyers. They walked away from it and took a huge hit on their credit.

 

You most likely have more experience than they did, but if not, just do a LOT of research on what it takes to maintain a large property.

 

Good luck!

 

Yep. I’ve lived in an agricultural area for a few years and have made friends with local farmers.

 

Depending on where the land is it could be very expensive, even if its only 10 acres. You have to be prepared for these expenses.

 

With chickens, even though they are easy to care for, they attract predators like nobody’s business if they aren’t housed properly. You’d be amazed how intelligent foxes and raccoons are when you think you’ve got the hen house locked down. And with goats, males are violent. Also you get any livestock, be prepared to get a large dog who will drive away the predators and pests. So really, be prepared with some vet bills.

 

Ask local farmers on what to grow and raise: they will know the land much better.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wow, that's quite the switch in lifestyles coming up! An exciting new adventure!

 

At the risk of sounding cheesy, I'm so happy for you and it warms my heart knowing you are living full out. I don't know the full extent of what you've been through, but I have tremendous respect for those who have served. I think you living this amazing life is in a way honouring others who can not.

 

Also I'd like some of that ham that you'll be making lol. Tradesies , of course.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Congratulations and bravo on supporting your wife and her goals!

 

I have lived on property most of my life and love it. It can be hard work but it is a good kind of hard and has been good for my soul all these years.

 

Soon enough you will be posting about your toothless neighbor burrowing your tractor and bringing it back empty :-)

 

Raising children in a rural setting is an awesome idea.

 

Lost

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

  • Top Discussions this Week

  • Our picks

    • Adultery - the New Monogamy?
      Adultery is the Future of Marriage? The ancient institution of monogamous marriage is ill-suited to the exigencies of modern Western civilization. People of both genders live and work longer (which renders sexual exclusivity impracticable); travel far and away frequently; and are exposed to tempting romantic alternatives via social networking and in various workplace and social settings. As leisure time increases and physical survival is all but effortlessly guaranteed, recreation takes precedence over procreation.

       
      • 0 replies
    • Healing the Child Within
      In today’s episode of The Terri Cole Show, you are in for a treat. I am interviewing a new pal, his name is Nate Postlethwait, but you may know him as @nate_postlethwait on Instagram.

       
      • 0 replies
    • How to Sort Your Life Out | Self Improvement
      This video is about how to sort your life out. There are four important things you need to do to sort your life out ASAP.

       
      • 0 replies
    • Triggers
      You may be tempted to deal with your triggers by avoiding everything or everyone that triggers you. Although that will help you feel better in the moment, it will make life a lot harder for you over all. Instead, here's an emotionally intelligent way of managing your triggers that will help you a lot more.

       
      • 0 replies
    • No Intimacy Without Personal Boundaries (Q&A)
      The ability to thrive in intimacy is inextricably linked to the capacity to maintain and enforce personal boundaries. In personality disordered patients, both are sorely compromised.

       
      • 0 replies
×
×
  • Create New...