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I am 24 next month and been with my boyfriend for a year and half, I became pregnant in October, but unfortunately I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks :(

My parents weren’t thrilled about the pregnancy, so after I had the miscarriage my mum said to me ‘no more babies and to go on the pill’

But I don’t want to go on the pill and I want to try for a baby again,

So I haven’t been taking the pill and been buying ovulation tests to help time it right for a baby,

My boyfriend and I both want a baby, both responsible adults, both work with both of us having university degrees and earning enough money etc.. and moving into a flat together next month,

Just now my mum come to me say ‘you taking your pill?? Why you have those tests in your cupboard??’

Is it right at the age of nearly 24 that my mum look in my cupboards at my personal things?

 

It’s not just the pregnancy thing... it is all aspects of my life, she needs to know everything and what I am doing, at the point where I feel I am 8 years old or something..

 

It makes me so upset when she does this, the feeling I get inside me is like a tunnel craving in, my heart drops and I feel I can never be who I truly am because I have to be the way my mum wants me to be.... which is to be an athlete all my life, she makes me feel guilty for wanting my own life and always when she start at me like this I am too scared to answer her back - I don’t want that life anymore, I want to make nice family with my boyfriend, ... the happiness and joy that I had when I found out I was pregnant was amazing!

 

I want that again and to make a life with the man I love,

 

Is it right that my mum do this or no?

Is she allowing me to be what I want? Or keeping me in her ‘control’

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  • 1 month later...

Firstly very sorry to hear about your miscarriage and hope you are looking after yourself.

 

Your mum is probably just concerned for your future however at the end of the day its your decision whether or not you take the pill/ have a child. Having a child means you've someone else to prioritise before all else and will have to make sacrifices for for the rest of your life (career, lifestyle, holidays etc etc). I would suggest that before getting pregnant you think about what you would do for childcare etc and have some money put aside for a rainy day (inevitably unexpected things come up and this will make them easier to deal with).

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No, mom is not "too much". you aren't married. she might feel that you should not rush to try and get pregnant and wait until you are on solid ground. I feel you want to get pregnant partially to defy your mother - not that you are really ready to raise a child. I get the happiness of finding out you were pregnant - i have miscarried myself - but all of that,and the baby showers fade and you have a child to raise. Are you sure that after a year your boyfriend is the right one? Do this - go on the pill or a combo of condoms, the sponge and tracking your cycles for a year. Do you fight fair? are you compatible in other ways? See in a year if your boyfriend is someone who is worthy of being a future husband. If he is, then waiting a year won't make a difference, and if he isn't, you will be glad you came to your senses. also, what if you get pregnant down the line and miscarry again and find out you can't have a child. does your boyfriend seem as attractive to you?

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I think she may be crossing the line but please try to understand where she is coming from. Also will you be wanting your mother's help/input with child care? What are your plans for child care? When I was in my late 30s I considered being a single mother by choice. I asked for my mother's opinion. She was not a fan and also added "you know I would love to help you when you have a child and please understand I'm getting older and I'm not sure I could be of much help even though I'd love to be" -(she helped my sister some and she was much younger when she became a grandmother for the first time). I really appreciated my mother's input and that practical input -so take into account the practicalities too.

 

I'm really sorry about your loss. I hope you go on to have a successful pregnancy when the time is right.

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Your sex life shouldn't be discussed with your parents at your age. It's none of their business. You need to move out and make sure your parents stop helping you financially. Make sure you have the finances to support a child and childcare etc.

 

What's the rush? Have you considered being in a stable live-in relationship for a while before you rush to put an innocent child in the mix? Do not have a child to rebel, have a child because you are both ready, willing and able to.

I am 24 next month and been with my boyfriend for a year and half

But I don’t want to go on the pill and I want to try for a baby again,

both responsible adults, both work with both of us having university degrees and earning enough money etc.. and moving into a flat together next month,

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Your sex life shouldn't be discussed with your parents at your age. It's none of their business. You need to move out and make sure your parents stop helping you financially. Make sure you have the finances to support a child and childcare etc.

 

What's the rush? Have you considered being in a stable live-in relationship for a while before you rush to put an innocent child in the mix? Do not have a child to rebel, have a child because you are both ready, willing and able to.

 

LOL I think parents can be great resources at any age to discuss sexual matters.

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I'm sorry about your miscarriage.

 

No, it's not right for your mother to control you.

 

No, she is not allowing you to be what you want.

 

Go your own way in life and break free of your mother.

 

Live your own life. If she doesn't approve, that's her problem, not yours.

 

Either she'll come around one day or if she doesn't, it's her loss.

 

Carve out your own happiness in this life.

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