Jump to content

She cancelled our date


Recommended Posts

I disagree with "punishing" her for cancelling the date.

 

If it upset you that much that she cancelled, then just stop dating her! None of this "I'm gonna make her do all the work, I won't ask her out". That's childish, imo.

 

No its not "childish". She cancelled on him last minute, she gets to make the next date and take on some responsibility.

 

OP if she has been flaky in the past just stop contacting her all together, if she reaches out it'll be for a date and you can go from there which some space should spur to happen unless she's dating another guy.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Replies 114
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

I’m surprised how deeply people are offended by this. Going as far as labeling people as “flakes” and saying “I wouldn’t even want a friend like that.”

 

I cannot imagine throwing a fit because a guy, whom I’ve only been on a few dates with, gave me a full days notice that he had something else he really wanted to do instead of our date. As if he owes it to me to make me a priority?? Owes me his time? Now if it’s a pattern, okay, that’s annoying...

 

But that’s the beauty of life. It takes all kinds of kinds, and what would be perfectly fine for me may be a deal breaker for you. No point in feeling angry or resentful (or being rude to someone simply for thinking differently than you), just see the differences for what they are and keep looking for the right fit. Life would be pretty boring if we all thought and felt the same.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
I’m surprised how deeply people are offended by this. Going as far as labeling people as “flakes” and saying “I wouldn’t even want a friend like that.”

 

I cannot imagine throwing a fit because a guy, whom I’ve only been on a few dates with, gave me a full days notice that he had something else he really wanted to do instead of our date. As if he owes it to me to make me a priority?? Owes me his time? Now if it’s a pattern, okay, that’s annoying...

 

But that’s the beauty of life. It takes all kinds of kinds, and what would be perfectly fine for me may be a deal breaker for you. No point in feeling angry or resentful (or being rude to someone simply for thinking differently than you), just see the differences for what they are and keep looking for the right fit. Life would be pretty boring if we all thought and felt the same.

 

It IS very flakey and inconsiderate of people's time. I cleared out my schedule, turned friends and family down, and rearranged my work schedule/meetings to make sure I make it to the agreed upon date. What she did was very rude to just drop our agreement because she wanted to hang out with her friend at some event. I am not rude or mean to her... i basically told her "its fine, we can meet some other time then... let me know when you can meet up" A couple of mins later I hung up.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I’m surprised how deeply people are offended by this. Going as far as labeling people as “flakes” and saying “I wouldn’t even want a friend like that.”

 

I cannot imagine throwing a fit because a guy, whom I’ve only been on a few dates with, gave me a full days notice that he had something else he really wanted to do instead of our date. As if he owes it to me to make me a priority?? Owes me his time? Now if it’s a pattern, okay, that’s annoying...

 

But that’s the beauty of life. It takes all kinds of kinds, and what would be perfectly fine for me may be a deal breaker for you. No point in feeling angry or resentful (or being rude to someone simply for thinking differently than you), just see the differences for what they are and keep looking for the right fit. Life would be pretty boring if we all thought and felt the same.

 

It is rude. You do not make plans with someone, and then cancel if something better comes up. It shows a lack of character and selfishness. I do not do this to people. Once I am committed, i am committed. My time is valuable and busy, and I do not have time for people flaking out on me.

 

Please do not tell me that you do this?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Agree to disagree. I do get where you’re coming from, but I just don’t see it that way and clearly she doesn’t either.

 

You also seem to have a very busy life if going on a date requires you to move meetings, rearrange a work schedule, and refuse other plans with friends and family. Seems like a weird time to schedule a date for, as opposed to another evening when you were actually free. Regardless, if her life isn’t busy like yours, and she doesn’t know the lengths you went to schedule the date, how would she possibly know that it was that big of a deal to cancel on you? If her evenings are mostly clear, and she could easily reschedule a date, what would make her think it’d be any different for you? I can’t imagine many people lead such a busy life. But again, that doesn’t make either of you right or wrong, it just makes you different and not a good match.

Link to post
Share on other sites
It is rude. You do not make plans with someone, and then cancel if something better comes up. It shows a lack of character and selfishness. I do not do this to people. Once I am committed, i am committed. My time is valuable and busy, and I do not have time for people flaking out on me.

 

Please do not tell me that you do this?

 

I’m from a very small town, life is slow here. When something is going on, most of us are there, and if that means rescheduling something to tomorrow, that’s no big deal. It’s just how life is here, and we all know it and are fine with it. Seems like a very different life than the OP, but that doesn’t mean we’re flakes or inconsiderate, we just live differently. This girl may be the same. Maybe it works for her and her circle, just doesn’t work for OP.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Agree to disagree. I do get where you’re coming from, but I just don’t see it that way and clearly she doesn’t either.

 

You also seem to have a very busy life if going on a date requires you to move meetings, rearrange a work schedule, and refuse other plans with friends and family. Seems like a weird time to schedule a date for, as opposed to another evening when you were actually free. Regardless, if her life isn’t busy like yours, and she doesn’t know the lengths you went to schedule the date, how would she possibly know that it was that big of a deal to cancel on you? If her evenings are mostly clear, and she could easily reschedule a date, what would make her think it’d be any different for you? I can’t imagine many people lead such a busy life. But again, that doesn’t make either of you right or wrong, it just makes you different and not a good match.

 

I take it you do this without much regard to the person you made plans with. lol

 

I have a busy life but I will always make time for the person who i'm dating and I will always stick to my commitments.

Link to post
Share on other sites

There's a major aura of demanding respect while not necessarily earning it, and what feels like entitlement and some hair-trigger, emotional responses, and some immaturity.

 

I could be wrong...it's the impression I'm getting.

 

I question if attempts to date this girl consists of a lot of "let me know" and "wanna hang," and this leaves the girl doing a considerable amount of the footwork, planning an activity, trying to make sure he's okay with the plans, and chasing...making her chase, "What do you want to do?", so when this concert pops up, why not? I mean, this guy is a wet noodle, and this is what she wants to do, so come along...or don't. It's not like he's putting in any effort or anything.

 

Again, just my impression.

 

I'm all for the second chance. I don't recall the OP saying this is a repeated act of the last-minute bail on dates...if this is the first time, why not try a second? She did, after all, invite him. She didn't invite him using the script he conjured up in his head, but she did invite him.

 

I'm older. I have had to deal with kids, sick kids, cancelled babysitters, mothers who have something come up so dad takes the kids for the weekend, aging parents, family crises, job, traffic, social obligations, last minute, etc....these things happen. If life is so messy the second, possibly third planned date results in a cancellation...done...call me when your life slows down.

 

If this is a repeated situation, time to give up the ghost, OP, she's just not into you.

 

If the OP is being "chill" with his "let's hang," leaving his lady friend to make all the choices...meh, guys like that aren't interested and are immature. Effort in, is effort out.

 

Forgive me if I'm off-base.

 

Did you actually PLAN something? Time, place? Is this the first time or one of many times she's cancelled?

 

One of many? Move on.

 

One time? It won't kill you to see if there's potential for a re-do if you're really interested...your choice.

 

Wishy-washy and "let's hang" and "let me know"? Stop doing that. Make a plan. You'll have plenty of time to "hang." Go out, do something different, special...make her your priority and show it.

 

If you took the reigns and had a solid plan, and she bailed? Unless this is a repeated offense, I don't see the harm in trying once more.

 

Don't play games. Don't play this "respect card" and "She'll have to do all the work" garbage. If you want her, treat her as such. If she keeps dangling that carrot and leaving you without a date on Friday, walk away. When her life slows down, she can look you up.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Agree to disagree. I do get where you’re coming from, but I just don’t see it that way and clearly she doesn’t either.

 

You also seem to have a very busy life if going on a date requires you to move meetings, rearrange a work schedule, and refuse other plans with friends and family. Seems like a weird time to schedule a date for, as opposed to another evening when you were actually free. Regardless, if her life isn’t busy like yours, and she doesn’t know the lengths you went to schedule the date, how would she possibly know that it was that big of a deal to cancel on you? If her evenings are mostly clear, and she could easily reschedule a date, what would make her think it’d be any different for you? I can’t imagine many people lead such a busy life. But again, that doesn’t make either of you right or wrong, it just makes you different and not a good match.

 

This is the problem in today's society, no value for other people's time. It does not matter if she has a busy schedule or not, you should not do this to people.

Link to post
Share on other sites
There are two issues here:

 

1) Are they lying?

 

If I didn't trust someone not to lie, then I wouldn't have set a date with him in the first place.

 

This doesn't mean that I trust people blindly. My private trust meter is set to a neutral 5 on a 1 to 10 scale when I meet people. I use caution and observe over time whether a person EARNS more trust with consistently honest behavior, or whether flakey, mean or questionable behavior reduces my trust--in which case, I'd rather bail than stick around to analyze them.

 

2) Did they respect your time and committment to the date.

 

Sure. Whenever someone disappoints me, as most fallible humans are likely to do at some point, I pull back and allow them to show me how invested they are in making it up to me--without my influence. This doesn't mean that I expect some kind of grovel bouquet over a changed date night, but following up to reschedule or rescheduling on the spot is a good start followed by some act of kindness that rewards my generosity of spirit in overlooking the flub.

 

Short of that, if this was a one and only instance, I'm not likely to dwell on it because I have no trouble grabbing a Plan B for myself and moving my focus onto that.

 

She gets bonus points for not lying... she could have told me her dog died or something stupid. However, her honestly doesn't clear her from the fact she disrespected me and the committment we made together to go on this date. It doens't clear her from the fact that something better came around and she bailed out on me. No one was bailed on a ticket. There were tickets available and she bought it with her friend.

 

You get to decide exactly how you want to look at this, with no argument from me. Consider my opinions as speaking only for myself. If you believe that it's beneficial to view this girl as disrespectful, that's not against the law--it just doesn't leave you much room to decide your next steps with her, because who would want to continue dating someone who is disrespectful?

 

So try working backwards: if you do want to continue dating this girl and she tries to reschedule, then do you believe that it better serves YOU to view her as disrespectful, or as someone who felt comfortable enough with you to be honest about making an opportunistic switch? If you do NOT want to continue dating this girl, then decide whether it better serves you to feel lousy about being disrespected, or might it be better for your own head to view her as someone who's just not thoughtful enough to be a good match for you?

 

Choose the lens that works best for YOU. If that means pridefully ditching the girl, then feel good about yourself for that. If you'd prefer to keep seeing her, then minimize the impacts of her behavior to avoid feeling lousy about that choice.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
I take it you do this without much regard to the person you made plans with. lol

 

I have a busy life but I will always make time for the person who i'm dating and I will always stick to my commitments.

 

I am with you.

Link to post
Share on other sites
There's a major aura of demanding respect while not necessarily earning it, and what feels like entitlement and some hair-trigger, emotional responses, and some immaturity.

 

I could be wrong...it's the impression I'm getting.

 

I question if attempts to date this girl consists of a lot of "let me know" and "wanna hang," and this leaves the girl doing a considerable amount of the footwork, planning an activity, trying to make sure he's okay with the plans, and chasing...making her chase, "What do you want to do?", so when this concert pops up, why not? I mean, this guy is a wet noodle, and this is what she wants to do, so come along...or don't. It's not like he's putting in any effort or anything.

 

Again, just my impression.

 

I'm all for the second chance. I don't recall the OP saying this is a repeated act of the last-minute bail on dates...if this is the first time, why not try a second? She did, after all, invite him. She didn't invite him using the script he conjured up in his head, but she did invite him.

 

I'm older. I have had to deal with kids, sick kids, cancelled babysitters, mothers who have something come up so dad takes the kids for the weekend, aging parents, family crises, job, traffic, social obligations, last minute, etc....these things happen. If life is so messy the second, possibly third planned date results in a cancellation...done...call me when your life slows down.

 

If this is a repeated situation, time to give up the ghost, OP, she's just not into you.

 

If the OP is being "chill" with his "let's hang," leaving his lady friend to make all the choices...meh, guys like that aren't interested and are immature. Effort in, is effort out.

 

Forgive me if I'm off-base.

 

Did you actually PLAN something? Time, place? Is this the first time or one of many times she's cancelled?

 

One of many? Move on.

 

One time? It won't kill you to see if there's potential for a re-do if you're really interested...your choice.

 

Wishy-washy and "let's hang" and "let me know"? Stop doing that. Make a plan. You'll have plenty of time to "hang." Go out, do something different, special...make her your priority and show it.

 

If you took the reigns and had a solid plan, and she bailed? Unless this is a repeated offense, I don't see the harm in trying once more.

 

Don't play games. Don't play this "respect card" and "She'll have to do all the work" garbage. If you want her, treat her as such. If she keeps dangling that carrot and leaving you without a date on Friday, walk away. When her life slows down, she can look you up.

 

 

 

Say what??? lol We set a day, time, and location and she agreed to them.... and she canceled for something better. Who is the wishy-wash one here? lol

Link to post
Share on other sites
Well hell, the least she could have done was lie and told you she had a family emergency or some other bogus excuse like many people do, lol.

 

I'm being facetious obviously, point is she was honest and told you she wanted to attend a concert and invited you.

 

And for that, you are being advised to dump her?

 

This is precisely why people lie. Just like in another thread, being open and honest gets you dumped.

 

I dunno, I was taught the truth, honesty is best, apparently not. Ugh.

 

And the fact she invited you speaks volumes, but of course, this doesn't matter, just dump her.

 

Edit: She didn't "blow you off" she cancelled a date the night before, and invited you to join.

 

But I give up.

 

Good luck.

 

So this post is like 47 pages so I suspect there will be a plot twist that a I haven’t gotten to yet but since I’m on page on I must say I agree with this. Even if it wasn’t a once in a lifetime event, it’s just a date, concert with my friend wins, if they’re in a relationship... ok but simply dating? Why give up a good time and great memories for a maybe?

Link to post
Share on other sites
There's a major aura of demanding respect while not necessarily earning it, and what feels like entitlement and some hair-trigger, emotional responses, and some immaturity.

 

I could be wrong...it's the impression I'm getting.

 

I question if attempts to date this girl consists of a lot of "let me know" and "wanna hang," and this leaves the girl doing a considerable amount of the footwork, planning an activity, trying to make sure he's okay with the plans, and chasing...making her chase, "What do you want to do?", so when this concert pops up, why not? I mean, this guy is a wet noodle, and this is what she wants to do, so come along...or don't. It's not like he's putting in any effort or anything.

 

Again, just my impression.

 

I'm all for the second chance. I don't recall the OP saying this is a repeated act of the last-minute bail on dates...if this is the first time, why not try a second? She did, after all, invite him. She didn't invite him using the script he conjured up in his head, but she did invite him.

 

I'm older. I have had to deal with kids, sick kids, cancelled babysitters, mothers who have something come up so dad takes the kids for the weekend, aging parents, family crises, job, traffic, social obligations, last minute, etc....these things happen. If life is so messy the second, possibly third planned date results in a cancellation...done...call me when your life slows down.

 

If this is a repeated situation, time to give up the ghost, OP, she's just not into you.

 

If the OP is being "chill" with his "let's hang," leaving his lady friend to make all the choices...meh, guys like that aren't interested and are immature. Effort in, is effort out.

 

Forgive me if I'm off-base.

 

Did you actually PLAN something? Time, place? Is this the first time or one of many times she's cancelled?

 

One of many? Move on.

 

One time? It won't kill you to see if there's potential for a re-do if you're really interested...your choice.

 

Wishy-washy and "let's hang" and "let me know"? Stop doing that. Make a plan. You'll have plenty of time to "hang." Go out, do something different, special...make her your priority and show it.

 

If you took the reigns and had a solid plan, and she bailed? Unless this is a repeated offense, I don't see the harm in trying once more.

 

 

 

Don't play games. Don't play this "respect card" and "She'll have to do all the work" garbage. If you want her, treat her as such. If she keeps dangling that carrot and leaving you without a date on Friday, walk away. When her life slows down, she can look you up.

 

Understandable if something comes up with kids, work, illness or family. That is not what is happening in this case.

Link to post
Share on other sites
If I didn't trust someone not to lie, then I wouldn't have set a date with him in the first place.

 

This doesn't mean that I trust people blindly. My private trust meter is set to a neutral 5 on a 1 to 10 scale when I meet people. I use caution and observe over time whether a person EARNS more trust with consistently honest behavior, or whether flakey, mean or questionable behavior reduces my trust--in which case, I'd rather bail than stick around to analyze them.

 

 

 

Sure. Whenever someone disappoints me, as most fallible humans are likely to do at some point, I pull back and allow them to show me how invested they are in making it up to me--without my influence. This doesn't mean that I expect some kind of grovel bouquet over a changed date night, but following up to reschedule or rescheduling on the spot is a good start followed by some act of kindness that rewards my generosity of spirit in overlooking the flub.

 

Short of that, if this was a one and only instance, I'm not likely to dwell on it because I have no trouble grabbing a Plan B for myself and moving my focus onto that.

 

 

 

You get to decide exactly how you want to look at this, with no argument from me. Consider my opinions as speaking only for myself. If you believe that it's beneficial to view this girl as disrespectful, that's not against the law--it just doesn't leave you much room to decide your next steps with her, because who would want to continue dating someone who is disrespectful?

 

So try working backwards: if you do want to continue dating this girl and she tries to reschedule, then do you believe that it better serves YOU to view her as disrespectful, or as someone who felt comfortable enough with you to be honest about making an opportunistic switch? If you do NOT want to continue dating this girl, then decide whether it better serves you to feel lousy about being disrespected, or might it be better for your own head to view her as someone who's just not thoughtful enough to be a good match for you?

 

Choose the lens that works best for YOU. If that means pridefully ditching the girl, then feel good about yourself for that. If you'd prefer to keep seeing her, then minimize the impacts of her behavior to avoid feeling lousy about that choice.

 

 

The next steps is for her to let me know when she can meet up. I never said I was ghosting her. The ball is in her court now. Simple right?

Link to post
Share on other sites
So this post is like 47 pages so I suspect there will be a plot twist that a I haven’t gotten to yet but since I’m on page on I must say I agree with this. Even if it wasn’t a once in a lifetime event, it’s just a date, concert with my friend wins, if they’re in a relationship... ok but simply dating? Why give up a good time and great memories for a maybe?

 

Maybe what exactly?

Link to post
Share on other sites
The next steps is for her to let me know when she can meet up. I never said I was ghosting her. The ball is in her court now. Simple right?

 

You are going to go out with her again? Didn't you say she did something like this before?

Link to post
Share on other sites
This is the problem in today's society, no value for other people's time. It does not matter if she has a busy schedule or not, you should not do this to people.

 

I think YOUR stance is the problem with today’s society. If there are this many people who have an opinion that opposes yours, why can’t you just accept that other people feel differently? Why do you have to be right and they have to be wrong? Why does it have to be your way or no way?

 

We all need to learn to accept different opinions, or at least be tolerant of them. You don’t have to agree with me, but I can still see your side. I can respect your opinion and think no less of you while still maintaining my own point of view (without personally insulting you).

Link to post
Share on other sites
I think YOUR stance is the problem with today’s society. If there are this many people who have an opinion that opposes yours, why can’t you just accept that other people feel differently? Why do you have to be right and they have to be wrong? Why does it have to be your way or no way?

 

We all need to learn to accept different opinions, or at least be tolerant of them. You don’t have to agree with me, but I can still see your side. I can respect your opinion and think no less of you while still maintaining my own point of view.

 

She's not attacking you... she's saying its rude, disrespectful, and inconsiderate to do what that girl did to me.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Maybe what exactly?

 

YOU ARENT HER BOYFRIEND YOURE DATING HER!!!

 

You act like she owes you a blood vow and her first born...

 

Yikes...

 

My actual full response is coming, I just had to clap back at you real quick, everybody else is right fighting with each other so they don’t notice, but I see fully your smart Alec, entitled, insecure responses. Your expectations are insane and you posted to have a bashing party because your egos brushed. It’s gross and I’m so disappointed that this board keeps doing this with posters like you...

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
I think YOUR stance is the problem with today’s society. If there are this many people who have an opinion that opposes yours, why can’t you just accept that other people feel differently? Why do you have to be right and they have to be wrong? Why does it have to be your way or no way?

 

We all need to learn to accept different opinions, or at least be tolerant of them. You don’t have to agree with me, but I can still see your side. I can respect your opinion and think no less of you while still maintaining my own point of view.

 

I can be very flexible.. But, in this case, i do not want to continue with people who do not value my time. I value other's time, and always fulfill commitments, unless physically unable. This is who i am. I follow through on my word, and people know that they can depend on me. My life is busy and I have many good friends. I have reliable friends, because I have weeded out the flakes.

Link to post
Share on other sites
YOU ARENT DAHER BOYFRIEND YOURE DATING HER!!!

 

You act like she owes you a blood vow and her first born...

 

Yikes...

 

My actual full response if coninf I just had to clap back at you, everybody else is so. Yay right fighting with each other but I see fully notice your smart entitled insecure responses. Your expectations are insane and you posted to have a bashing party because your egos brushed.

 

Yeah, i'm insane for expecting people to meet their commitments with me! hahaha, do you live your life making decisions from an 8-ball? lol

Link to post
Share on other sites
Yeah, something similar. But last time I wussed out, probably encouraged her to do it again.

 

So, now it's your fault.

 

Dude, when she does it again, then you will have no one other than yourself to blame. She has shown you who she is.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...