Jump to content

She cancelled our date


BrokenGator
 Share

Recommended Posts

She was presented with a better offer, and chose to run with it, leaving you holding the bag...so to speak. I see that as rude, disrespectful, inconsiderate, etc.

 

I wouldn't waste another minute of my time with someone of this mentality...

 

Absolutely its rude, disrespectful, and inconsiderate!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 114
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

I actually agree with Katrina. Why shouldn’t she do what she wants to do? She told you a day in advance, plenty of time for you to make other plans.

 

Would you rather she go on the date with you and wish she was somewhere else the whole time?? Would you rather she told you she was sick, and potentially have to find out later that she wasn’t??

 

I personally highly value a persons ability to tell me the truth, especially when they know it isn’t what I want to hear. I respect the girl for being straight with you. Most would have just lied. I like a direct, honest person. You don’t have to guess, you always know where you stand with them.

 

These were my first impressions as well. If a date told me the day before that someone someone just bailed on a ticket and he was invited to use it, I'd be happy for him and glad that he felt that he could be straight with me.

 

However, delivery can be everything, and if you felt that she was dismissive with you, then your interpretation wins. I'd just question for myself if that attitude is my own 'default' and I interpret everything in the worst light, anyway, then maybe this girl isn't the best match for you to keep dating.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I disagree with "punishing" her for cancelling the date.

 

If it upset you that much that she cancelled, then just stop dating her! None of this "I'm gonna make her do all the work, I won't ask her out". That's childish, imo.

 

I'm not going to punish her or scold her verbally. However, if I set dates with her and she cancels when somethign better comes along, then the ball is in her court to tell me when she's absolutely free and committed to honor her dates. It's simple really.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I disagree. She invited you to come - YOU refused.

It's not as if you had been dating a while either (I gather it was just a first date) - so you had no obligation towards each other at that point.

 

I would ask her out again and MAKE a date out of it.. none of this "contact me when you're free" stuff. Come up with a specific date, a time, a plan - and ask her to join you for it:

- if she says 'no' - she's not into you

- if she says 'no, that date doesn't work for me - but i'm free on (insert another date/time to go out)' - she's into you

- if she says 'yes', duh.. she's into you.

 

Good luck.

 

Make a date she won't be willing to commit to? So she can accept a date, make me clear my schedule and block everyone else from doing stuff so she can just hang out and wait until something better comes around? She needs to tell me when she's willing to meet her commitment. This isn't a difficult concept.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

These were my first impressions as well. If a date told me the day before that someone someone just bailed on a ticket and he was invited to use it, I'd be happy for him and glad that he felt that he could be straight with me.

 

However, delivery can be everything, and if you felt that she was dismissive with you, then your interpretation wins. I'd just question for myself if that attitude is my own 'default' and I interpret everything in the worst light, anyway, then maybe this girl isn't the best match for you to keep dating.

 

There are two issues here:

 

1) Are they lying?

 

2) Did they respect your time and committment to the date.

 

 

She gets bonus points for not lying... she could have told me her dog died or something stupid. However, her honestly doesn't clear her from the fact she disrespected me and the committment we made together to go on this date. It doens't clear her from the fact that something better came around and she bailed out on me. No one was bailed on a ticket. There were tickets available and she bought it with her friend.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

For those applauding her for "honesty"....oh come on.....

 

Her so called honesty amounts to "Hey BrokenGator, I got a better offer and will go do that instead, even though we have long standing plans for a date. I realize that makes me a sh$tty person, so to make myself feel better, I'll invite you along while hoping that you read between the lines and actually stay away. Will call you IF I happen to be bored with nothing better to do. Do stand by.....let see how big of a doormat you actually are...." smh....I cannot believe that some posters are actually condoning and trying to excuse this kind of bs......

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

For those applauding her for "honesty"....oh come on.....

 

Her so called honesty amounts to "Hey BrokenGator, I got a better offer and will go do that instead, even though we have long standing plans for a date. I realize that makes me a sh$tty person, so to make myself feel better, I'll invite you along while hoping that you read between the lines and actually stay away. Will call you IF I happen to be bored with nothing better to do. Do stand by.....let see how big of a doormat you actually are...." smh....I cannot believe that some posters are actually condoning and trying to excuse this kind of bs......

 

Those that condone this are the ones that probably actually do this often themselves.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

For those applauding her for "honesty"....oh come on.....

 

Her so called honesty amounts to "Hey BrokenGator, I got a better offer and will go do that instead, even though we have long standing plans for a date. I realize that makes me a sh$tty person, so to make myself feel better, I'll invite you along while hoping that you read between the lines and actually stay away. Will call you IF I happen to be bored with nothing better to do. Do stand by.....let see how big of a doormat you actually are...." smh....I cannot believe that some posters are actually condoning and trying to excuse this kind of bs......

 

I agree! Now, we are commending people for not lying.

 

The bottom line is, she blew off your plans for something better. She shows a lack of respect for the other and their time.

 

 

Don't be a doormat.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree! Now, we are commending people for not lying.

 

The bottom line is, she blew off your plans for something better. She shows a lack of respect for the other and their time.

 

 

Don't be a doormat.

 

YES!!! That's the bottom line. So the question here is, what should be my response if she texts me or calls me to say hello?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

YES!!! That's the bottom line. So the question here is, what should be my response if she texts me or calls me to say hello?

 

Personally, I think life is too short to keep flakes in it. I generally won't bother responding or simply brush them off. I'd rather spend my time developing better relationships with people who can manage to keep their word and commitments. Ultimately, it depends what they say. If it's just some goofy "hey what's up", going to ignore them. If they ask to make plans, "sorry can't." or in a dating situation just let them know that I don't think we are a match and that's that. The point is that I no longer care about them or what they think or want with me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So the question here is, what should be my response if she texts me or calls me to say hello?

 

Depends on whether you are ok with maintaining "friends only" contact with her or not. You could reply hi but keep it short and treat her like a friendly acquaintance from now on.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Depends on whether you are ok with maintaining "friends only" contact with here or not. You could reply hi but keep it short and treat her like a friendly acquaintance from now on.

 

I don't want to be her friend. I think "acquaintance" level is good. What happens if I run into her?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, all I can say is that in the "good ol days" what she did would be viewed as very rude, major bad manners and very disrespectful - all of which I agree with.

This is nothing to do with "honesty". The bottom line here is that she found something better to do, something better than going on a date with you and to make herself not look too bad, she quickly threw in "you can come too if you want to" ...... probably knowing full well that you wouldn't. Nice girl. NOT.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Make a date she won't be willing to commit to? So she can accept a date, make me clear my schedule and block everyone else from doing stuff so she can just hang out and wait until something better comes around? She needs to tell me when she's willing to meet her commitment. This isn't a difficult concept.

 

if you're not intersted in her, the no of course not.

but if you are.. umm.. duh..yes.

 

if she does it again then you have an established pattern and can then conclude for sure.

i don' think this 1X you can make a clear conclusion .. because she INVITED YOU ALONG! It's not as if she shut you out and left you dry. SHE INVITED YOU TO JOIN HER! don't forget that part.

 

your interpretation and revisionist history of memory towards the event is wrong. SHE INVITED YOU TO JOIN HER!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

if you're not intersted in her, the no of course not.

but if you are.. umm.. duh..yes.

 

if she does it again then you have an established pattern and can then conclude for sure.

i don' think this 1X you can make a clear conclusion .. because she INVITED YOU ALONG! It's not as if she shut you out and left you dry. SHE INVITED YOU TO JOIN HER! don't forget that part.

 

your interpretation and revisionist history of memory towards the event is wrong. SHE INVITED YOU TO JOIN HER!

 

She has done it before.

 

They had plans, it does not matter if she invited him. It is rude!

 

Honestly, it would take only once for someone to pull this on me. I do not have time for people like this. Why would you?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

if you're not intersted in her, the no of course not.

but if you are.. umm.. duh..yes.

 

if she does it again then you have an established pattern and can then conclude for sure.

i don' think this 1X you can make a clear conclusion .. because she INVITED YOU ALONG! It's not as if she shut you out and left you dry. SHE INVITED YOU TO JOIN HER! don't forget that part.

 

your interpretation and revisionist history of memory towards the event is wrong. SHE INVITED YOU TO JOIN HER!

 

Her invitation to join was a pitty invitation. The plans went from a date with her and I to her and her friend with me tagging along. Had she said "hey BrokenGator, there is this event happening that my friend is going to how do you feel about ***US*** going there instead?". But what she communicated to me instead was "hey there is this event happening and ***my friend and I*** are going there instead of the date you and I committed to going to. You can come if you like.". She invited me only because she felt obligated.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, all I can say is that in the "good ol days" what she did would be viewed as very rude, major bad manners and very disrespectful - all of which I agree with.

This is nothing to do with "honesty". The bottom line here is that she found something better to do, something better than going on a date with you and to make herself not look too bad, she quickly threw in "you can come too if you want to" ...... probably knowing full well that you wouldn't. Nice girl. NOT.

 

I agree! Even if the invite had been genuine, you don't just suddenly disregard the other person and change original plans simply because you feel like it. Have some consideration towards the other person. (Of course there are exceptions such as emergencies, once in a lifetime opportunity, etc.)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
 Share


×
×
  • Create New...