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I’m venting. How do I walk away from someone who makes me so happy and so sad?


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Honestly guys I know I have posted about her before. I’m not really looking for advice. I just need to vent. It’s been a rough day and I need to or I’m going to freak the crap out.

 

I kind of hate myself. I don’t understand what’s wrong with me. I can acknowledge how toxic this relationship is and I can’t get out of it. She makes me so happy most of the time and others I fell like complete crap. This is a crap day. She always tells me how attractive I am. How sweet I am, how I’m so good to her, but she always wants me to prove that I’ll be there with her. But to be honest I think it’s all crap. She gives me all this stuff about lasting and we will see if your still around. Talking like she expects me to leave her. But it’s all crap, I’m just another guy to her. I’m sure she has plenty. That’s why she doesn’t want labels because then she can continue messing around with whoever she wants. She always. With the sweet stuff, our future together, miss you etc. but it’s all crap. And it hurts me. Cause I truly like her. And I don’t understand my behavior, I’ve never felt this way before. I’ve never acted this way, so kind and giving and open. You guys tell me I need to walk away from her, because it’s going to end bad. But I’m so stupid, I keep telling myself to enjoy the present, right now I’m mostly happy. Later I’m going to feel like crap. I set ground rules with this girl, about our relationship and she did as well. I thought we had an understanding but she breaks hers and gives me speeches about how I should understand. But I don’t. I want to walk away but it is t that easy. Why would someone personally make themselves feel like crap. I do t know what to do. Ghost her! Talk to her and tell her how I feel! I just can’t deal with it. It’s a freaking roller coaster and I’m tired. What should I do.

 

Should I just accept this bad with the good. Because lately before this day and after earlier post things have been great, amazing actually. I finally stopped feeling like an option and more like a priority. Until today I mean, I hear other things about someone else and it freaking kills me. No matter if it’s small or not. I can’t deal with it. It’s making me miserable.

Not to mention I ended my relationship with my best friend recently (we started dating) and it all went to hell. Now I feel like I have no one. The reason I’m posting here.

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If we have all advised you to leave, then why do you continue to ask?

 

My thoughts exactly.

 

You keep saying “I just don’t know what to do!” Like you don’t have fiftyeleven post about this woman, you even went so far as to lie about who the posts were about like were all turnips who just fell off the turnip tree.

 

What’s the point of using the board as a sounding board if you don’t plan to change anything? We’re just here to help you cope until your next ‘hit’ in other words until she throws you a bone.

 

It would actually be quite easy for an emotionally healthy person to walk away from a woman who is treating him like crap , that’s why it’s often advised people don’t use dating as a coping mechanism as a reflection and sense of self, you attached your wellbeing to her probably the second she said hi and that is just so damaging..

 

I don’t have any advice because it’s all already been said and when you’re ready to hear it you will until then, if you need something to soften the drug withdrawal... read the other threads... there’s a ton of them...

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Your completely right. I should use the advice given. Frankly I really appreciate it. Also I’m not emotionally unstable, I enjoy having someone in my life. Even though she makes me feel like crap. If that’s being emotionally unstable, then I I guess I am. I like the attention abd flirtation. But maybe your completely right. Just stop dating till I don’t have that want for someone in my life.

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Also I’m not emotionally unstable, I enjoy having someone in my life. Even though she makes me feel like crap. If that’s being emotionally unstable, then I I guess I am.

 

No guessing. You are emotionally unstable.

 

And I'm sorry for that, truly.

 

But if you can start by just owning that you're unstable, and use this as a wake up call to get sturdy, it'll all be worth something.

 

As FiO said, emotionally stable people do not invest, repeatedly, in people who make them feel like crap.

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Not one to pile on or to kick a guy when he is down.

 

However, at this point I think you ought to shake it off, get a little spine and be able to abandon this woman, reject this toxic way of things.

 

Important: Just because 70% of the time you like whatever attention she gives to you does not excuse the 30% that destroys your soul.

 

Be brave, move on!

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OP you are stuck in a loop of insanity with this woman. It's one thing to "vent" with the purpose of being able to let the feelings go and take responsibility... it's a totally different thing to "vent" with the purpose of expecting people to patiently listen and empathize while you express resentment, anger and blame every couple of days about a situation that is completely within your power to change.

 

Given how long this has been going on, the fact that you are miserable in this relationship is totally on you. You either need to accept this woman for who she is and stop complaining about the relationship, or you need to let the relationship go.

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Go through the pain of the process...that's it...you have to take measures to not contact, do not accept contact. If it's too much to block and delete, too "nuclear," then "hide" profiles and notifications, and this will require the same process with mutual friends, as you don't need her popping up through someone else. Delete her number. Delete her email...you don't want to write or call in a moment of weakness. You can write these things down in an address book as a backup...never touch it.

 

Because this person has taken up a considerable amount of your days and time, her absence creates a major loss, a void, and this exacerbates the situation. Is there anything you'd like to try or do to fill that void? Do you think something like crochet\knitting or building a model airplane/car, cross-stitch, or some sedentary hobby at home would help? I have a feeling reading or movies or even video games will not help. You need something methodical; something that takes some concentration, but not too much brain power or thought, like counting stitches...and keeps you from dwelling on this woman. Of course external hobbies and and activities are useful, but we need to focus on what happens when you're home, alone, and with not much to do, and especially if your personality is more introverted, so external hobbies will be far more exhausting and less useful. As an extrovert, explore clubs, meetups.

 

The bottom line is you just have to stop. You have to resist. There is no magic cure or reset button for this...just sheer willpower.

 

Seriously, think about some sedentary hobbies that get you excited to see the end result, some pride...you can easily get lost in these activities for hours, forcing yourself to put this down because you have work in the morning. Separation and NC will do you immeasurable good if you can figure out how to make the transition less painful.

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