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Heartbroken and betrayed! Just need someone to talk to!


lucidaconsole0
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Hi! I was supposed to get married with my ex boyfriend. He is a Hindu and I am Christian. His parents doesn't approve of our relationship but he fought for me. They even threatened to disown him. I tried to prove my love and even reach out to his sibling. I told him that I love his brother so much and I am hoping they will give me a chance but all he did is told their father about it to ignite fights and told him I am trying to enter their lives. Their father got mad at my ex. I was not even allowed to post and tag photos on social media but we stayed strong. The greater mess started when he went home for Diwali. We couldn't talk properly and every time we would talk, his mother would unplug the wifi router. How rude can you be? I felt like a criminal. I just wanted affection and assurance but then he started treating me so badly. I know someone is manipulating him against our relationship. I felt so bad for myself. End of January, I cut all communications with him but I am still struggling. I am feeling depressed, betrayed and lost. I treated him like a family. We had so much plans for our future but everything got destroyed now. I just want to get this all out. I am feeling so down. :(

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You're taking the right approach by severing ties completely. You're still hurting and probably still hoping he is coming back. We all go through this and it rarely happens just once.

 

Go back and reread your post. If they are making you feel like a criminal, why would you accept this as your future? You'd never be able to escape from this situation, especially if you were married, had kids and then wanted a divorce from him. I've seen this happen and it is hell.

 

Stay the course, stay NC, find a way to forward a little bit each day in a small way. This is a planet of 6 billion people and once you're healed and your mind and heart are ready, there's a high probability that some one who is more more compatible socioeconomically and culturally will cross your path.

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It sounds like you dodged a bullet. This guy was not strong enough to uphold his boundaries when it came to his family. Imagine having to raise children under such hostile circumstances and him cracking at a later stage. It could have been much worse then. It's best that you found out now rather than later. Feeling like a criminal is not how a relationship should feel. It was a sign of incompatibility. Unfortunately, not all relationships are meant to survive. Your plans could not succeed because the environment turned out too hostile and he didn't have the necessary backbone needed under such circumstances. Once you mourn, you have the chance to find someone who is more compatible to you. This person sadly wasn't.

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You knew what you were getting into when you saw it, so why cast yourself as a victim in this? That's not a confidence builder for navigating your future. Either you can use the mistake to learn how to avoid setting yourself up for the same kind of power struggle moving forward, or you can view yourself as at the mercy of other people's lousy judgment. I'd rather get clear about my own responsibility for choosing a better match, and I'd thank myself for the lesson I taught myself.

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Was he studying or working in your country? Is he back in your country? Has he tried communicating directly with you? How and when would this secret marriage have taken place? Was it known from the start that he and his family are traditional, have arranged marriages and frown on or forbid marriage to outsiders? Keep in mind he has known this all along and this is his decision.

 

Of course your hurt and anger are directed at his parents at this time, but all along he knew he would eventually do what is consistent with his family and culture. Not saying you were deliberately strung along and deceived the whole time, but that when he considered everything, going against the grain for him was not worth the loss of his family. His family is not cruel. He knew all along what the deal was when it comes to marrying. When your hurt subsides you will see more clearly that all these secret marriage plans was talking and not doing.

We planned for a secret marriage. I trusted him. Something really terrible must have happened when he came home. I just couldn't understand how parents and family can be so cruel.
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I love him and he fought for me. We were supposed to get married. We planned for a secret marriage. I trusted him. Something really terrible must have happened when he came home. I just couldn't understand how parents and family can be so cruel.

 

I'm sorry you're hurting, but at any time a relationship, much less a marriage, must be kept a secret, nothing good can evolve from that. Period.

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