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my boyfriend will not stop talking to this girl


rvan
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I have long distance relation with my boyfriend for two years. He lives in Japan. He told me he wants have kids and I told him I am not ready at this moment of my life and i don't know when i am ready. One month after our conversation he met this British girl trough a language exchange website and they became friends. I knew about their friendship 2 months after. I didn't mind, because i know he really wants to improve his English and he is also bit bored.

 

After the summer I had to go back to school. That moment of my life was really hard, I didn't had money and I need to pass the exam and find a job. So I was angry and sad a lot and I will react this frustration on him. So he didn't wants to talk to me. He spend long hours with this girl, so I told him not to hang out with her anymore. But he kept hanging out with her. Eventually I will cry and get mad, but he still kept hanging out with her. I told him I want to breakup. He will apologize but nothing will change, he still will hangout with her. Eventually he asked me to give him a proof from a dokter that I am able to have children , otherwise he will not marry me. He was married and divorced before, so he does't wants another divorce.

 

My question is why is he doing that. I'm very confused! He doest wants to breakup, but he doesn't wants to stop talking to this girl. And now he wants proof if I'm able to have children. Why is he doing that?:upset:

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You don't share the same relationship boundaries, so it'll never work. Find a relationship that you're not regularly upset, angry, and frustrated with. Otherwise, you're settling. You'll never get inside anyone else's head. The only thing you need to know is that the relationship isn't working for you.

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Have you ever met in person? He sounds like an ahole. Set yourself free and start dating local guys.

I have long distance relation with my boyfriend for two years. He lives in Japan. he asked me to give him a proof from a dokter that I am able to have children , otherwise he will not marry me.
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yes I met him couple of times and he is super nice and very gentle guy when I met him. But suddenly he asked me this question. Why now, why did he not ask years before. Why is he keep hanging out with this girl when he wants to marry?

 

he is my first boyfriend, so I don't know what is health in relationship.

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We who have posted have a lot of life experience and have all told you to leave. Learn this life lesson that he is an unhealthy partner. Date locally so you can learn far more quickly who is right for you and who isn't. Life's too short to waste time on LDRs which have a higher risk of failure, and you can't see what the person is up to day by day and learn what you need to know.

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I've never understood why people question why LDR's have such a high failure rate. People should assume and accept the risk of infidelity upon entry. It's hard enough to cultivate and maintain a healthy and positive relationship with relatively close proximity to a partner in the age of social media and electronic dating options.

 

I know I sound like a heartless d*** for saying this but it's tough for me to have empathy in situations like this. However, I've been heartbroken and shattered over the end of a relationship and later seen signs of emotional cheating. For that, I'm respectfully sorry for the pain that the OP is going through and wish her the best in her positive recovery and growth.

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Sorry this is happening. Free yourself from this. It's not healthy. Dating local boys is healthy. He is looking to get out of a LDR (very understandable, since they are too difficult) and date local girls. You should do the same.

yes I met him couple of time But suddenly he asked me this question. Why now, why did he not ask years before. Why is he keep hanging out with this girl when he wants to marry?
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It's not an "LDR" when you've only met a couple of times over the course of YEARS. It's an electronic leash that eventually most healthy people want to be released from.

 

A true LDR has a strong base to begin with before going long distance. Not someone you meet online only or who you meet on vacation or who you met once or twice for a few hours.

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It's not an "LDR" when you've only met a couple of times over the course of YEARS. It's an electronic leash that eventually most healthy people want to be released from.

 

A true LDR has a strong base to begin with before going long distance. Not someone you meet online only or who you meet on vacation or who you met once or twice for a few hours.

 

This ^^^. Let him go, stop worrying about his motivations and carry on with your own life. Find someone who's genuinely available to you, and is on the same page.

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