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fspro10
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Hello. I am a 20 year old male. I'm in a place in my life right now where I am really stuck and my life feels like a hell. For the past 7 years I have been suffering from severe acne that has left many marks and holes all over my body, especially on my face, back, chest, shoulders and arms. This, combined with a pretty low self-esteem and a negative body image has made me really depressed. I didn't really have friends in high school and I don't now either. I am in my 2nd year of college. However, the thing that bothers me the worst is this girl from my class that I can't get out of my head. I've been crushing so hard on her from the first day of college. I know that this sounds silly, but I just can't talk to her. When it comes to sex & relationships, I am very insecure and I hate myself and the way I look. Regarding acne, I have seen dermatologists and they have been able to stop my acne but not my huge and very ugly scars. I just can't find strenght in myself to just do it. I just don't know What to do. When I look in the mirror all I see is a disgusting human being that doesn't deserve to be loved. I have tried to talk to my parents about this but they never take me seriously or they try to deny my problems even if I tell them that it bothers me and it causes me suffering. I am just afraid that I will never be able to confess what I feel to this girl and that I will never fulfill my dreams in life because of this self hatred stuff. In my case, I don't think it's just a mental issue, because I actually have a reason or maybe multiple ones to hate myself. I don't want my life to be filled with suffering and regret anymore but I don't know what to do since I absolutely hate myself and I don't have any backbone or self-confidence. There are days when I just come home from school and start crying because I can't confess my feelings to her and I see her with other dudes. She has shown interest in the past but I haven't been able to do anything about it. It wouldn:t be so hurtful if I was able to talk to her and even if she would have rejected me it would have been fine. I just regret not being able to truly live my life and be able to love and have fun and fall in love with someone I really like.

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Dear fspro10, First of all, you CAN and WILL be loved. But one can not accept to be loved if one doesn't love him/her self. Start small, don't think about all your difficulties and stuggles but make a list of all the things you are proud, happy or facinated by about yourself. You are in your second year of college, so for sure you can't be talentless. Remember this, your future is bright. You have got a whole life ahead of you. There is no need to hurry, take your time. Every morning take a look into the mirror and greet yourself, tell your self that it is a new day and you are going to live it like no other. Gathering confidence is all about selflove. Your scars do not define who you are. Your scars do not define your personality. Build yourself from within and people will be blinded by the positivity that radiates from your chest. Yet again, no pressure. When your ready, take your chance talk to this girl. Baby steps, maybe start by talking to other people about simple things, like how you are looking forward to springbreak. But when speaking remember that ears cant see. They can only listen to your story and admire your words. Please don't live your life in the dark just because you feel you can't compete with the roll model males. You are a just as beautiful, even a more beautiful human with emotions and fears. We all have them, some are just better at hiding them. There is already to much hate in the world for you to hate your self. So listen closely and breathe out the hatred and breathe in the love because oxigen is all you need to live a better life.

Love,

Leonardini

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My youngest son suffered from acne that were more like boils. He was on Acutane for about a year and a half and it took care of the problem. I could tell that he would have ultimately ended up with scars, much like you described.

 

It sounds like the acne has run it's course and you are now bothered by the scars?

 

You are 20 and a college student. You are of age and considered an adult and you don't need your parents permission to seek treatment.

I imagine you are either on their policy or as a student you can likely qualify for student aid. Either way you need to be your own advocate and begin to look into it.

 

There are laser treatments and filler injections for your scars. There is a solution to your issue, but you need take action and seek it out.

 

Most of all, you are more that his. There is so much more to you than the scars. There are people who overcome much more and learn to love and are loved in return.

 

You need to believe this will happen for you and decide that something like this won't stand in your way.

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My youngest son suffered from acne that were more like boils. He was on Acutane for about a year and a half and it took care of the problem. I could tell that he would have ultimately ended up with scars, much like you described.

 

It sounds like the acne has run it's course and you are now bothered by the scars?

 

You are 20 and a college student. You are of age and considered an adult and you don't need your parents permission to seek treatment.

I imagine you are either on their policy or as a student you can likely qualify for student aid. Either way you need to be your own advocate and begin to look into it.

 

There are laser treatments and filler injections for your scars. There is a solution to your issue, but you need take action and seek it out.

 

Most of all, you are more that his. There is so much more to you than the scars. There are people who overcome much more and learn to love and are loved in return.

 

You need to believe this will happen for you and decide that something like this won't stand in your way.

 

I am financially independent. I wasn't talking about financial support from parents. I was talking about emotional support. I don't really have that person in my life to bring me up when I'm down and to understand and accept me the way that I am. My parents just tell me that I shouldn't feel like this and they try to repress the way I feel about this which makes things worse. I don't know how old you are but for someone my age it can really bring you down, plus I had this since I was like 12 or 13. I don't know..

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Man... I’ve been there and still am! I’m 22 just got dumped for another guy, balding(tho I look good with a shaved head), have bad acne scars on my back and face.

 

GO TO THE FU*KING GYM TOMORROW. Don’t ever stop. Get big and get confident. Focus on your school work and developing a hobby. One day you’ll save enough money to maybe get acne scar treatment. But that’s besides the point.

 

Get in with a good group of guys. That’ll help solve your confidence.

 

As for the girl. The more time that goes by the more weird it’ll be if you try to talk to her. BE GOOFY BE FUNNY. Not all girls will like you but you’ll never know until you try. The way I see it if you can make them smile then it’s a win. Never knowing is worse than rejection.

 

 

Go to the gym go to the gym go to the gym. It’ll be the best thing that’s ever happened to you.

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Have you sought professional counseling regarding your feelings of self-hate? The thing is that you need to learn to bring yourself up and accept yourself or you risk forming unhealthy relationships. Expecting another to bring you up and accept you when you don't yourself, can be putting too much pressure on another. Each one of us has a responsibility to learn to accept ourselves and bring ourselves up. It's what being an adult is about. It's not easy and many of us have had to seek guidance on how to go about to achieve this.

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I get how you feel I really do as I feel like that myself sometimes. However there is soooooo much more to someone then there physics appearance and I believe you would have a lot to offer someone. Google turia Pitt she is covered in scars from a terrible accident but she has a ripper personality which makes her so attractive and I actually think she’s quite beautiful. Acne is not the end of the world, you are wasting precious time, imagine in 10 years if you found out she liked you but you didn’t do anything about it you would be kicking yourself!

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Try putting vitamin E oil on your face at night. It really helps with the scars. I'm 33 and still dealing with acne but washing my face with apple cider vinegar and using vitamin E oil at night has really helped.

 

As for how you feel about yourself, that will take a lot of work. It takes a long time to convince yourself that you're no longer that acne ridden teenager. I bet your skin isn't as bad as you think. When I look back at pictures from me in my 20s I am shocked at how clear my skin was compared to how I felt it looked at the time. Body dysmorphia is a real thing. It takes time and therapy to resolve.

 

Tldr: vitamin E oil for the outside, therapy for the inside.

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Your tuition covers mental health counseling on campus, and since you've already paid for it, why not use it? I'd make it my goal to learn how to adopt resilience as a life skill. I'd ask the counselor to teach you how to shift your focus away from drilling your emotions into a deeper hole to climb out of, and to use your emotions instead as your guide to identify the problems you want to solve. Then you can tap into your best logical thinking to plan steps for resolving those.

 

Free form misery is an abstraction, and nobody can resolve abstractions. We're not taught in classrooms how to to translate our emotions into problem-solving drivers, but counseling can offer the tools and techniques to do that. Over time you can prove to yourself that meeting your own practical and emotional needs is a skill that CAN be developed. Doing so builds a better foundation for pursuing relationships.

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  • 2 weeks later...

As you've recognised, the real problem here is your very low self esteem.

 

I've known plenty of guys with prominent acne scars who have no problems either starting or maintaining relationships, and for them it was a non-issue. If you can deal with your emotional issues, and let yourself know that you are lovable and wonderful, it will become a non-issue for you, too.

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As you've recognised, the real problem here is your very low self esteem.

 

I've known plenty of guys with prominent acne scars who have no problems either starting or maintaining relationships, and for them it was a non-issue. If you can deal with your emotional issues, and let yourself know that you are lovable and wonderful, it will become a non-issue for you, too.

 

Sure, plenty of men have learned to 'lean in' to their rugged appearance in the same way a man who is suffering hair loss can look fabulous with a shaved head. It starts with a decision to 'wear it well,' and that translates into confidence, which translates in to 'hot'.

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A few things:

1. Its great that you are brave enough to come here and speak your mind, congrats on that

2. There are treatments for the acne scars. I have a friend that has them too, and he is 40 and complains all the time.. I dont think its easy, but they have ways of "sanding down" skin, so the unevenness is less visible. Talk to your doc.

3. consider counseling for your self esteem. you arent just about your skin. People will love you for who you are. I assume you are a kind warm caring person. and that is what someone will get to know and love

4. you are 20. its time to have fun, and enjoy life. it will take time for you to find the one... dont rush it. meet people.. develop relationships.

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Man... I’ve been there and still am! I’m 22 just got dumped for another guy, balding(tho I look good with a shaved head), have bad acne scars on my back and face.

 

GO TO THE FU*KING GYM TOMORROW. Don’t ever stop. Get big and get confident. Focus on your school work and developing a hobby. One day you’ll save enough money to maybe get acne scar treatment. But that’s besides the point.

 

Get in with a good group of guys. That’ll help solve your confidence.

 

As for the girl. The more time that goes by the more weird it’ll be if you try to talk to her. BE GOOFY BE FUNNY. Not all girls will like you but you’ll never know until you try. The way I see it if you can make them smile then it’s a win. Never knowing is worse than rejection.

 

 

Go to the gym go to the gym go to the gym. It’ll be the best thing that’s ever happened to you.

 

I have been working out and was able to put on some muscle but my body still looks really bad and gross with all the scars on my chest, back, shoulders and arms. So not much I can do about it I guess..

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