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Thanks so much! I feel empowered!


Calohboy
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Oh, I can’t thank those enough that replied to my initial post. And, I spent a lot of time on this site reading other posts, replies etc last night.

Recap...I broke it off almost two weeks ago for the second time in the last 2 1/2 months because I was on a roller coaster and didn’t know why. After a solid 10 months of consistent behavior and good displays of character, I had learned that the roller coaster was caused by my boyfriend’s ex of 10 yrs showing back up. Mind you, I never knew about that relationship, nor the fact that his ex had a live in boyfriend the entire time they were seeing each other!

Anyhow, today I gathered his belongings that were left here. I drove them to his house (he was at work) and left them on his porch. I did leave a note...and that was for me...For my closure...as I had acted out of character in my recent insecurity and while I did the right thing by ending it, I didn’t do it from a high value stand point. I reacted emotionally and with hurt and anger and I did want to redeem myself, for me.. The note said that I didn’t want the last words he received from me to be words spoken in anger. I reiterated that I was moving on, thanked him for the good times we had and wished him well. I didn’t mention anything about what he had done or anything that would remotely require answers to questions or any validation. I also stated that nothing that I may have at his place is anything I want or need, so he was free to keep it or trash it. (Things like pans, Tupperware, etc)

I then deleted our entire texting history (over a years worth). Blocked him and deleted him from my phone.

To anyone that struggles with no contact...PLEASE be diligent! No contact will give you clarity and strength. Then, once you have it, don’t allow them access to your head or you will go back to square one!

Something I saw on this site last night was something I said over and over to myself as I was driving to his place...”I DO love him, but I love myself MORE and I have to do this for ME”

Be strong everyone!

Thanks for the support!

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Of course this morning I have to fight the battle in my head all over again. I really am hurting. I know I’m doing the right thing and it isn’t easy.

 

It feels so sappy to say, but I truly loved this guy and he lit up my world. People would say I lit up like the 4th of July when we were together. We had fun doing anything together and because I live such a busy lifestyle, I made a point to push the pause button every weekend for him. The first 10 months was total quality time and always fun. Any issues we had which were very few, were super minor and easy to work out. I had no idea that his heart was torn and that he wasn’t over his ex. I honestly thought he loved me the same way that I loved him.

When things started to change, it took me 2 months to get to the bottom of it all. In that time I experienced several rejections from him, confusion, and so much inconsistency. My heart and ego and self esteem have taken a pretty good beating. But, at least I know at 49 years old, that I am still capable of loving and trusting. I do feel betrayed somewhat, but I don’t even think he truly understood his feelings until she showed back up. As a matter of fact, I still don’t think he is being completely honest with even himself about what he feels.

 

I know I need to just feel the feelings and I hate it! Had a stupid dream this morning. I was on a plane that was going to crash. I wasn’t going to call anyone, but at the last minute, I wanted to call him and tell him I loved him...but, my phone wouldn’t work...lol. I woke up before the plane went down.😀

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I’m going through a break up as well and I can totally relate to the vacillating emotions. One minute I am feeling great and happy that I ended an unhealthy relationship , and the next I am reminiscing on all the pleasant memories we share. All the good times I will never have again with him. While it is true that only time will heal these wounds, and it is true that we need to just sit in the pain, and not avoid it, I think it is also important that we try not to ruminate. Meditation has helped me in the past few weeks in order to try and stay in the present. Too often we live in the past or look forward to the future, and end up forgetting that he present is just as important.

 

I wish you luck in getting over this breakup. In the end just remind yourself it was for the better, and you made the right choice even though it hurts. ❤️

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