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Was fine until ex messaged..


rachael260
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My ex (he broke up with me) messaged me to meet up after few weeks of NC, and I responded but then he cancelled last minute. I'd just started moving on but now I can't stop thinking about it and just feel worse. I'm constantly wondering if it was something I did or said and I just get upset because I don't know why he did it. I don't know why he wanted to meet up and I don't why he decided he didn't want to. I can't tell if it was just a legitimate reason for cancelling or if it was just his way out. Now I'm left with more questions than before and I'm just confused.

 

Why did he do that? Has anyone ever messaged to meet up and then changed their mind? I just want to understand... I don't know if I should just bring it up with him directly and ask or just leave it and see what happens... Any advice/opinion on this?

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He had a moment of doubt about the breakup and wanted reassurance that you were still open to dating him if he decided be wanted you back. In my opinion, it was a power move, though he may not have consciously known he just wanted reassurance. I know it's hard, but stick to NC and move forward. Depending on the type of guy your ex is, knowing you're pining away may be just as good as having you.

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Sorry to hear this, what was the breakup about? It may be time to delete and block him. Some exes get randy and figure a quick easy solution is sex with an ex under the guise of miss you, lets catch up, etc.

My ex (he broke up with me) messaged me to meet up after few weeks of NC, and I responded but then he cancelled last minute.
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He broke up with me because we started having little arguments in the last month and we were both just really stressed out during that time and he just couldn’t handle it anymore I guess. For the most part we were pretty happy together with minimal arguments if any at all.

 

About getting back together, I thought I just got to the point where I started to feel indifferent. I think his message got my hopes up, and I guess deep down I still do want to at least try again? I think I also just feel worse because I was the one who just went NC and stopped replying, and it just made me feel stronger and more empowered because it was more on my terms? If that makes any sense... But now that he’s cancelled, it’s got me wondering more and I feel like that strength just got stripped from me...

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I'm sorry that happened when you were starting to feel good. Just go back to NC and remember how replying made you feel if he reaches out again. At the end of the day, if really doesn't matter who has the "power" after a breakup. It just matters that you move forward and find happiness again.

 

Good luck!

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Block his number so he can't do this to you anymore.

 

And any of the excuses you think of for why you "can't" are just that...excuses.

 

You CAN, you just need to decide your well being is more important than trying to leave the door open to someone who doesn't mind hurting you.

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The one that chooses to end it goes through their own withdrawals.

Just because he decided to leave doesn't mean it wasn't difficult for him too. He may have a bad day, a weak moment and he reached out.

 

He had a moment to think about it and then reconsidered. Though unfair and insensitive to you, it's pretty typical.

In the meantime block him so he can't do it again.

As you are learning, the set back isn't worth it.

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He broke up with me because we started having little arguments in the last month and we were both just really stressed out during that time and he just couldn’t handle it anymore I guess. For the most part we were pretty happy together with minimal arguments if any at all.

 

About getting back together, I thought I just got to the point where I started to feel indifferent. I think his message got my hopes up, and I guess deep down I still do want to at least try again? I think I also just feel worse because I was the one who just went NC and stopped replying, and it just made me feel stronger and more empowered because it was more on my terms? If that makes any sense... But now that he’s cancelled, it’s got me wondering more and I feel like that strength just got stripped from me...

 

Why not just block and delete him and do your utmost to change the subject of him when he pops into your thoughts? He broke up with you and if he really wants you back, he'll knock on your door.

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This actually may sound counter-intuitive, but if he misses you enough and it is hard for him to even get in touch with you, it is a good thing. It might force him to realize how much he misses you and than make a real effort to get you back. Most of the time, the guy comes back after the breakup if he really loved you.

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Thanks for the responses, I appreciate the advice!!

I know it doesn't matter, but just out of curiosity, what are the chances of me hearing from him again after this incident or do you guys reckon he's likely to have made up his mind for good this time?

 

So you are not going to block him?

 

I'm curious to know what reasons you have for not blocking him.

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Thanks for the responses, I appreciate the advice!!

I know it doesn't matter, but just out of curiosity, what are the chances of me hearing from him again after this incident or do you guys reckon he's likely to have made up his mind for good this time?

*sighs*

 

I don't know the odds of him contacting you again are but unfortunately it appears that the odds of you answering him if he does get in touch again are 100 to 1 that you will.

 

What reason did he give you for cancelling?

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I’m more hesistant to him because we were been good friends for years before we got together and we sometimes have to see each other for work.

We actually were at the same work function a day or two after he messaged, so I’m not sure if that’s related to him cancelling either. I can’t really think of any reason for him to cancel because of that though.

He cancelled because he said he had family coming over for dinner but I’m not sure if that’s just a coverup for an out...

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I’m more hesistant to him because we were been good friends for years before we got together and we sometimes have to see each other for work.

We actually were at the same work function a day or two after he messaged, so I’m not sure if that’s related to him cancelling either. I can’t really think of any reason for him to cancel because of that though.

He cancelled because he said he had family coming over for dinner but I’m not sure if that’s just a coverup for an out...

Well, he cancelled but he didn't reschedule. To me that says it all. Don't contact him again and if you're smart, you'll accept completely that the relationship is over and that responding to him will just keep you from moving on from him. If he talks to you at work, keep it professional, calm and completely non committal.

 

Good luck.

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Thanks for the responses, I appreciate the advice!!

I know it doesn't matter, but just out of curiosity, what are the chances of me hearing from him again after this incident or do you guys reckon he's likely to have made up his mind for good this time?

He broke up with you and after the fact arranged a date, then flaked out.

 

How about you think a little more highly of yourself. Decide you deserve better and deny any further contact from someone who decided to lose you to begin with?

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So he basically set a date and broke it with you. Imagine if you had never known him before and this was a first date. What would you do to a guy who broke the first date? You'd never give him a second chance probably.....why would do give this guy a break?

 

I tried to set a date with my ex. She broke it with a litany of excuses. I replied, "Ok, I understand...".........and that will be the last thing I ever communicate to her.

 

It sucked at the time but today I'm glad I never went back for leftovers.

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Thanks for the responses, I appreciate the advice!!

I know it doesn't matter, but just out of curiosity, what are the chances of me hearing from him again after this incident or do you guys reckon he's likely to have made up his mind for good this time?

 

If you mentioned it, then it does matter. Here is what I believe you are dealing with. I think you are still in shock and denial that it is over. If in your head it was over and you were over him, your X could call you all the time and you wouldn't care. But since something simple as a cancelled date has got you in a tail spin, the question is not why he did it, the question is why are you allowing it to affect you. Its like you are driving around on a flat tire trying to figure out how you got the flat, doesn't matter how it got flat, you fix the issue.

What you are doing it trying to solve a problem that you don't know the answer to. Be honest, for every answer you get, it will only make you ask 3 more questions. Which brings me back to the root of your issue. Denial.. You have not accepted that it is over. You can say that you have but you just asked if he has made up his mind for good. Look. In all honesty just letting him go will be the best thing to happen to you. This will allow you to move forward with your life without looking back or looking at your phone 100 times a day seeing if he texted you. Also, he broke up with you, the little arguments were him trying to get out of the relationship. Doesn't matter why he wanted out, but he wanted out. If you stay in the same place, then what incentive have you given him to look at you again? By making you happy, you will not only have him look at you again, but have other guys who are far better looking at you.

You will be just fine without him. Move forward.

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