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Unhappy with life, job, relationships.


Austino96
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Hello everyone, I’m looking for some advice how to become happier in my life. I’ve struggled with trying to find my purpose in life but it’s all became more stressful here recently.

 

3 months ago my long time girlfriend broke up with me and it’s really left me directionless. She in part left me because I feel like my unhappiness really made the relationship stressful for her and it made me feel as if I couldn’t handle the continuance of it. I’m not trying to make this a breakup post but I had a lot of plans built on the premise of me and her being together.

 

My dream has always been to build my own business part in because I want to make a lot of money but I also want to be my own boss. My ex supported it but told me after she never really wanted it. We made plans to build it together and I feel I put my relationship on the back burn for it. Anyways to achieve that dream I took a job driving trucks that keeps me away from home. I don’t like it I feel like I’m missing out on life even tho I know it’s the best choice to achieve that dream the quickest. Without my ex I only hate it more and being lonely really affects me out here. My relationship suffered because of my job as well being away a lot. At 22 I feel it’s hard to have a life with my job nowadays not to mention relationships.

 

I’m 22 and I still live with my mother. I haven’t moved out because I thought it was the best financial option. My ex in part left me because of that too and me wanting to wait to get an apartment together which I thought wasn’t a good financial decision. That too has made me want to move out it’s like my whole idea of what I wanted changed. I don’t really get along with my mom and since the break up me and her have gotten better since I realized what my problems where. My mom is just extremely hard to get along with in general. We share rent on a house and I don’t like the arrangement of it.

 

I recently started thinking of moving out and maybe going back to school. I still want to achieve my goal of owning my own business but I feel like to get to that goal using my current job will bring me unhappiness for a couple years unless I can get use to being completely alone. I was looking at mechanical eng tech courses that I could afford and complete in 1.5 years. But doing that would set back my goal of owning my business but in term I’d have a job making more money and being at home where I could have a better social life and move away from my crap town.

 

I also been looking at getting a local truck driving job but that would mean most likely a pay cut of 600$ weekly which I don’t want/can’t afford with my future prospects. I would appreciate any advice, I’m looking more toward going to college because it would make me happier and changing my job. Any advice from anyone who has had to go through this type of thing?

 

One of my old buddies sorta stole my business idea after I told him about it and successfully started his business with his dad. It took along time to get over that in some ways I’m still jealous over it. Which I know I could do it as well. Seems like everything is worse since my ex left. I feel like I’m trying to prove myself to someone who doesn’t exist.

 

I feel alone a lot and I’ve downloaded tinder. Which only seems to make me feel like I’ll never find anyone as good as my ex WAS(WAS). You know I miss my ex but I miss the lifestyle I had with her the most. Going out and having fun with your best friend in her awesome city. God I miss her city the most. I cry about missing that city and places me and her went together. What I would do to have a future relationship in that city again.

 

My job even tho I make great money just makes me so depressed. Idk how much longer I can handle it. I need to work for a little while longer at the least to save up money. I’ve spent a lot of money paying for a trip I’m going on and building up my wardrobe.

 

At the end of the day I just really need to figure out what I’m going to do. It feels like I’ve changed because I’m lonely. When I was with my ex I never wanted to move to another city or go back to school. I had a plan of saving money for 3 years being with her and starting a business. When she left that went with her. I don’t wanna be some weak dude who can’t be alone. The truth is tho I’m on tinder looking for someone to spend time with. I do get looks from girls and stuff but I think my biggest problem is not being confident.

 

A lot of stuff I know to much for one post most likely. Any advice about any of this would be appreciated. I feel like I’m living my life to get her back even tho It’s over.

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1. NEVER make your happiness or future dependent upon something else. Always make it about things YOU yourself control. You've now learned this lesson. NEVER forget it again!

 

2. Why is it hard to have your job nowadays? I understand why it's hard on relationships - but it's not impossible. Why?

 

3. In the end, you must always do what's right and best for you - not your mother, not a gf, not anybody else. You can already see how impossible and horrible it is to try and build your life with all these dependencies and expectations to appease everybody else - STOP THAT - and only do what's right and best and appeases YOU! (so that means.. your own business.. moving out.. going to school. DO THOSE THINGS! Maybe you can't do them all now, or all at the same time - but DO THOSE THINGS.. not what mom or an ex-gf or a gf wants.). This ties into not comparing yourself to others and trying to live up to or prove yourself to somebody else. STOP. The only person you have to live up to, impress, make happy, and live up to expectations for IS YOURSELF! STOP worrying about everybody else, what they think.... no more! This is YOUR show - not theirs. Not anybody else's.

 

4. As far as the alone part. That is a natural human being trait - we are social animals. BUT ... there is a difference between wanting and needing social interaction and DEPENDING on it. Again. ONLY DEPEND on you! Don't depend on anything else you can NOT control. The funny thing is - when you start just worrying about yourself, controllling what you can, and live that way - that ends up making you the best version of yourself, thus the most DESIRABLE version of yourself - and that's when the GOOD ONES start being attracted to you. So not only is this a better way to live, and good advice on how to live, it will ACTUALLY get you better and more companionship and a far more active and effective dating/relationship life!

 

5. Yes.. you DO need to do the hard work of figuring out your life. But it's not as hard and daunting as you may think. Just think of what brings you joy. What makes you smile. What you would do for free and be happy with if we didnt' need money. From those things you can figure out what you're good at and make you happy and make life enjoyable that you can maek a life out of.

 

6. Lastly.. if you have to beg and plead - then it's not right for you. Anything you have to beg and plead for that somebody else must grant you - is never the right choice or the answer. Back to #1 - NEVER make anythign important to you and to your happiness DEPENDENT upon somebody else. NEVER! Because it's not. anything you can think of that seems dependent upon another can be self-fulfilled if you reogznie what is driving it. "I want her back because it makes me happy" - well. then the need is "your happiness" - not "being with her because it makes you happy" -see what i mean? FIND THE ROOT need - not what you think is the solution to that root need - THEN we can talk about all the things that can fulfill that root need ... THEN you have a list of the things you can do that will take care of it. Pretty easy if you figure that part out and do it that way.

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What you're experiencing is a pretty normal part of grieving a loss. You don't just grieve the person. You also have to grieve the vision that you had of a future with that person and everything it entailed.

 

So, you had some plans that only made sense with your ex, and now that she's gone you're looking to adjust. Accept the loneliness and discomfort as normal, and continue down the path of questioning what you want without her influence. Change can be very good after a relationship has ended. Making more ambitious choices can help us rebuild our self-esteem and form a life worth living that does not include the person who left.

 

My only word of caution is to take a month or two to really think about what you want before making any decisions. Right now, you're still in the early stage of heightened emotion where you may be prone to make decisions you regret down the road. If you feel like you're making any decisions about your career and personal life out of fear or to prove something to your ex, treat those egoic thoughts with compassion, and then step back. She no longer runs the show.

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