Jump to content

I don't know what to do


Anabelle24
 Share

Recommended Posts

I have been with my boyfriend nearly a year and a half now and things are generally pretty good. However, I know he is chatting to other girls as I have seen on his phone. There is one in particular I am worried about because they chat a lot and some of the messages have really upset me but he doesn't know I've seen them. I would like to think he would never properly cheat on me. But I am so scared of losing him, I don't know what to do.

If I confront him he will just make a joke out of it. I just want some clarification that he isn't going to leave me or cheat on me, without seeming like a psycho girlfriend.

I love him so much and don't want to lose him. What should I do?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

He already is "properly" cheating on you. I assume you've made it quite clear in the past that sexually suggestive messages with other women do not fit into your vision of a monogamous committed relationship. I think it is time to get out. You already feel the need to snoop and you found what you were looking for. You don't trust him and you're right not to. Find someone you can trust because this guy will never make you happy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yep, I agree. This is already cheating.

 

Please don’t commit yourself to a lifetime of insecurity, walking on egg shells, snooping, and stess. Please don’t stay with a cheater.

 

You now know what kind of person he is and what he’s capable of, so if you choose to stay, know that you consciously made that decision.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Whether he would "really" leave you for that is not the relevant question right now.

 

The relevant question is: Do you want to be in a relationship with someone who is engaging with another woman in this manner?

 

The answer, I suspect, is no. Otherwise you wouldn't be posting here.

 

Which leads to other questions: Why are you scared to lose someone who is not respecting you or your relationship? Why are you scared to confront him? Why would you remotely consider yourself "psycho" for not wanting your bf to be sexting and connecting with someone who is not you? Why are you sacrificing your own value and worth? What's going on with you to be putting up with him?

 

This dynamic, in short, does not sound "generally pretty good." Like, not at all. You don't trust him, because if you did you wouldn't be snooping through his phone. From the snooping you now have reason to not trust him. And so what you have is a relationship with zero trust.

 

So, what to do?

 

I think you leave him. I don't say that simply because of his behavior, since I'm someone who believes infidelity can be worked through, but because of how scared you are to confront him. It speaks to a dynamic in which you feel minimized, disempowered, insecure, and probably have for the majority. That is all so very unhealthy. That is not to be salvaged, but to be shed, so you can make room for the people who treat you right, who make you feel safe and secure.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You were fine before you met him 1.5 years ago. Why the desperation, so much so that you've become dependent and would put up with anything? If he leaves, it won't be about sexting this woman. It will be about you making him the center of your universe and suffocating him.

I have been with my boyfriend nearly a year and a half now and things are generally pretty good.

-I am so scared of losing him, I don't know what to do.

-I just want some clarification that he isn't going to leave me or cheat on me, without seeming like a psycho girlfriend.

-I love him so much and don't want to lose him.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

First of all, he is already cheating. Betraying you by talking to other women in a sexual or romantic way, is cheating.

 

Secondly, why on earth would you love a man who cheats on you and then makes fun of your feelings when you express to him something that is bothering you?

 

He sounds like a selfish jerk who is no good. You need to higher your standards and stop accepting such bad behavior from a man.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

People have different definitions of cheating. Some believe that if nothing has physically happened it is not cheating. But I believe most, would agree that this is emotional cheating. If he is talking to her frequently, and expressing that he feels a connection with her, this is more then just innocent texting. I'm not sure why you are accepting this, other then you are possibly afraid of being alone. Because to be honest this guy doesn't sound like a catch. And the fact that he is texting multiple women behind your back should be enough to make you realize that you can do much better. And you can. You just have to believe it, and you have to expect it from your partner. Ignoring this will not make it go away. Do not accept this behavior and disrespect, you are worth more.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

But I am so scared of losing him, I don't know what to do.

 

You have already lost him... I think what you are really afraid of is losing the fantasy of the relationship you want. The relationship you really have is with someone that has no respect for you or your feelings at all... to the point that he is openly engaging in sexting with other women.

 

I just want some clarification that he isn't going to leave me or cheat on me

 

He is already cheating, and it's only a matter of time before he leaves. Face your fear.... what's the worst thing that could possibly happen if this guy leaves you or you leave him? You will be sad and lonely and need time to grieve... maybe your self-worth takes a beating temporarily as you go through the feelings... but imagine staying in a situation like this long term and how devastating that would be for you emotionally and spiritually.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

About them having a 'connection' and generally quite sexual texts.

But I know that this woman already has a husband and three kids so would he really leave me for that?

 

But I am so scared of losing him, I don't know what to do.

 

Why are you afraid of losing someone who completely disrespects you? Let's be honest, he's sending sexual texts to a woman. To top it off, to a MARRIED one. What the?! An honourable man treats his partner with respect.

 

Remember that you are worth it! And if someone doesn't appreciate you, just show them the door.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree that he has already cheated. I went through the same thing w my current ex who I was w for 7 yrs bc. I turned a blind eye bc I was so afraid to lose him. Trust me when I say that what you found is only the tip of the iceberg. I eventually stopped looking bc I was so afraid of what I'd find. I knew it would send me into a insecure crazy mode, I wasn't going to leave plus he'd just turn it around on me & I would end up being the one apologizing.

It doesn't get better only worse. The longer you stay the crazier & more insecure you'll feel until you no longer trust your own judgement. Don't end up like that bc I can tell you its not a fun way to live, its exhausting.

He doesn't respect you or love you. He only loves himself. The longer you out up w his crap the further he'll push, he'll just hide it better. by staying your essentially telling him you'll put up w anything to keep him. This isn't love,would you treat someone you love like This?

Deep down you know all this but are afraid to truly admit it to yourself bc then you'll actually have to do something about it. LOVE yourself first & foremost. Leave him bc you deserve & can do better. I speak from experience.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...