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Confused By His Response, Please Help!!!


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You come across as a person with low self esteem who is letting someone else make important life decisions for you. If someone makes it crystal clear they are interested, they will ask you on dates and want to get to know you. It sounds like this a guy who you want something with, and he isn't taking it to the next level. If a guy doesn't make effort with you, stop interacting with him. If there is something you want to happen, ask for it, and if he's not on the same page, make a clean exit.

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He really is not interested in you - he just wants to keep you on a tether in case something else doesn't come along for him. He is reiterating to you that you "talking" to eachother means very little -- you are not growing a relationship. He is passing the time.

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Just talking? You can't ask that of someone you are just talking to. He owes you nothing at this point.

 

I may be wrong, because somewhere along the way this thing happened where I became older and my vocabulary became antiquated, but I think "just talking" means "just hanging out and having sex semi-regularly without talking about what any of it means."

 

Some clarity, OP?

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I think your statement was very odd. It sounds like he did too.

 

You’re basically saying, I don’t want to date you now, but if someone else comes along and wants to date you, let me know because at that point I may want to date you.

 

What are you trying to get out of this??

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This is a little confusing... What was the lead up to the conversation?

 

Again maybe I don't know the new dating terms but what is "just talking"?

 

To be fair it's a simple request. If I was dating someone and I was dating other people. I would let them know so they can do it the same too. That said I don't date like that.

 

Nice you are being open. Just depends on what your relationship really is.

 

As his response can be considered valid if you are literally just talking and nothing else.

 

But it's an odd thing to text. I think something that defines a relationship or it's future course is a face to face thing personally.

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You asked a very strange question and made a very strange request. He conveyed that the best he could without directly saying it.

 

If you asked me that, you'd be lucky to get that much. I'd probably roll my eyes and put the phone down regardless of how much I was into you before. If we're "just talking," who wants to date me or even who I go on dates with isn't your business. If you don't believe in multi-dating and are that serious the person your dating shouldn't either, state as much. I'd advocate for a thicker skin, but your standards are your standards. I'd respect it and wish you the best. However, I nor pretty much anyone with self respect wouldn't feel so compelled to report a coffee date with someone else to you.

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Replied in your identical post under username "sarahdavina3" , " (24) Don’t Know What His (25) Answer Means, Please Help!!!"

Me: You and I are both single and just talking right now. I get it. But if somebody comes along and wants to date you please tell me, and I will do the same. Then at that time we can decide what we want to do. Does this sound okay to you?

 

Guy: I guess?

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Yes, this situation has been very bizarre from the beginning. What happened is he and I met at school 3 months ago and started talking in person. But he is a high functioning person with autism. He seems normal but has issues with social skills.

 

He and I have been chatting on Facebook. He initiates the conversations almost every time, but when we first started talking he was with someone. I let him know that I wasn’t cool with his flirting with me while he was with someone, so after he saw another guy at school trying to hit on me he told me just a few days later how he broke up with that person. I still don’t know if that’s true.

 

He then asked me to not see any other guys, while also not being willing to commit to me as more than just friends. As of right now he says we’re just friends that are talking.

 

He’s basically wanting to have his cake and eat it too, so I sent him this message to see if him knowing that another guy could ask me out would bother him at all. I’m not waiting around for this guy to take things further and turn down other possible guys in the process because he’s not ready.

 

So far I have felt like his backup. We have not even kissed or been intimate in any way, because that’s not something I would go for either unless we were going out on actual dates.

 

He hasn’t even asked me to go out yet, all we’ve done is talk while at school and on Facebook. And he has the nerve to tell me to not see other guys? I don’t think so.

 

Why couldn’t he just answer the question? Couldn’t he see where I’m getting at with the question? That I’m not going to put my life on hold for him when he’s not trying to go further with me at all?

 

Our schedules also recently changed so that instead of having lunch together daily during the week, we will only have lunch together on Friday’s. Neither one of us had control over it, but that’s not enough for me when he’s asking me to not see other guys. But one day a week is enough for him.

 

Anybody think I’m asking too much? Please tell me if you do... I’m here to learn! As I don’t have much dating experience myself.

Edited by animallover03
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Why are you wasting any time with this guy?

 

He showed you he was a creep when he was flirting with you (had a gf). That should have been enough for you to delete him from your life.

 

What a complete waste of time on FB! You should expect more from people.

 

Delete and block this guy. Next time, do not have a social media/texting relationship. You should be going out with guys after a week or two of communication.

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Yep, totally agree. I guess I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt because he does have a mental disability. But he’s also very smart and seems capable enough to know how to date properly. However, I learned that the teacher he has has told the students that when it comes to dating, as long as you have met the person face to face before, and they’re not a stranger, then talking online only is sufficient enough when trying to get to know someone or for dating someone.

 

Why would she teach them this? They need to know, especially the guys, that if you want to take interest in a girl you need to more than just chat online!

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Even with that context it's still an awkward and confusing question... and I don't understand why you asked the question in the first place. Why didn't you just tell him you plan to see other people because you want more than he is willing to offer?

 

People on the spectrum often have a hard time with social nuances as it is, never mind trying to decipher the tone and meaning of your text.

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You are not dating. Why waste time on this? Be friends if you want but he's not asking you out or interested. Why not use dating apps rather than FB freinds to find dates? If you have trouble communicating with him, then keep it simple and just be freindly classmates.

 

What happened to your identical thread with the other username? "sarahdavina3" , " (24) Don’t Know What His (25) Answer Means, Please Help!!!"

He hasn’t even asked me to go out yet, all we’ve done is talk while at school and on Facebook.
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Me: You and I are both single and just talking right now. I get it. But if somebody comes along and wants to date you please tell me, and I will do the same. Then at that time we can decide what we want to do. Does this sound okay to you?

 

Guy: I guess?

 

First off thank you for providing more context in your last post.

 

My understanding is "talking" in today's lingo, can mean just "talking" (an on line thing) but it can also mean casually hanging out together, no sex.

 

It has the undertone of dating but it's all very casual.

 

It is confusing cause a couple can be just "talking" on line for example, but consider themselves "dating" or even in a serious relationship!

 

Contrast to that, other couples can be casually hanging out/dating in real life, but consider themselves just "talking"!

 

Anyway, you asked us to decipher his response (above).

 

To me it's not confusing at all; his "I guess" means he's meh, just going along for the ride, doesn't care either way. Whatever you want.

 

He also lacks the backbone to assert what he wants - so even if he did want more (which is actually possible), he'd never tell you for fear of disagreeing with you.

 

Or he may not even know what he wants and doesn't care enough to figure it or himself out.

 

In short, he's a "yes" man.

 

This would be a huge turn off for me, I lose respect for "yes" men real fast!

 

They're too wish washy for me, lack backbone and the ability to self-reflect and introspect, have a mind of their own and stand up for their beliefs and opinions.

 

Just me though, if you're into him, that's your prerogative, good luck!

Edited by katrina1980
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