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Difficult to find friends anywhere


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I’ve always had struggled to find friends. In anywhere possible which is very weird. I’ve seen people who rarely goes out but still have friends. Yet here i am right now having the time of my life.

 

To me a friend is someone who i can confide with and talk to. I’ve tried my best to communicate, make people laugh and talk with them about their interest. But after that lost of communication and there was no continuation after that. I’d always be the person to start first, ask them how’s up and done. No one seems interested. At the end they just get bored of me. I understand why they’d feel that way. I look like an interesting person but deep down i’m very boring.

 

I’ve tried my best to tell myself that hey, everyone’s interesting in their own ways. But the more i try to find friends, the more i hurt myself and realize how shallow and mean people are. They want to be understood but they can never understand.

 

I’ve been told by a previous psychologist that if i just be myself then people will come eventually, but i did try and people go. And now i’m back to 0 friends. I want to have friends online but i can’t seem to find someone that i could trust. Even online friends get bored of me! Which is frustrating. I don’t know what to do.

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Yes. I’d try to meet people through shared interests whether it’s volunteer work or a fitness class, a book group a dance class or working backstage at a community theater helping to build sets. For example. For now I’d avoid environments where you have to do a more cold approach. Also do a lot less talking and a lot more active listening - like 80% listening. Good luck !

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Maybe you're trying too hard, trying to build instant connections with people. Sometimes it takes years of regularly interacting with the same people, such as with people you would gradually get to know if you engaged in activity groups as suggested by other posters, before a deeper friendship could form.

 

I remember when I was in a girls masonic group as a teen, there were a few girls I became friends with, but it didn't start off that way. They said that I came across as snobby, because I was shy and they misread me. But because we kept getting thrown together in activities, they gradually got to know I was fun to hang out with, and one of them, years later, was my maid of honor and we're still lifetime friends, although are long distance friends now since I moved.

 

Try to set a goal of enjoying an activity with like-minded people who share in that fun, and let things happen organically. There will always be people you share a chemistry with and others who you just don't gel with. Mellow out about sharing your deepest emotions with someone, and just discuss how much you love the activity and good movies you've seen lately, etc. Over time, maybe there will be someone you clique with, who you can spend one-on-one time with, but don't push for that too quickly. Read signals from the other person that they welcome time with you and will make an equal effort in getting to know you better. Good luck.

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The best way to both make friends and be interesting is to join some groups or clubs that interest you. Volunteer. Takes some classes. Yoga, dancing a language, whatever. Round out your life more by developing interests and participation in groups and clubs. Learn new things. Walking up to someone joking, talking etc is fine but when you have common interests or goals you can have enough in common to start friendships. Also friends aren't therapists.

To me a friend is someone who i can confide with and talk to. I’ve tried my best to communicate, make people laugh and talk with them about their interest. the more i try to find friends, the more i hurt myself and realize how shallow and mean people are.

I’ve been told by a previous psychologist that if i just be myself then people will come eventually, but i did try and people go.

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Are you into music?

 

Go to a gig of a band you love. That's automatically being surrounded by people who are all super passionate about music/the band in question. Have a couple of drinks and talk to people. Husband and myself met a few friends this way.

 

Yes great idea! I would not do the couple of drinks when you're first meeting people -make a first impression sober -order non alcoholic drinks if you think you need to hold/sip something. I don't drink and never could finish an entire glass of wine (enjoy wine, am a lightweight) and I spent years at major dance clubs and going to hear bands/concerts, you name it. And met a lot of people. I know alcohol "helps" for certain people and I'd advise against it, strongly.

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I’ve been told by a previous psychologist that if i just be myself then people will come eventually, but i did try and people go. And now i’m back to 0 friends.

I'd rather say: be the best version of yourself. People love being surrounded by positive and uplifting folk.

 

 

I look like an interesting person but deep down i’m very boring.

Why do you say you're boring? What are your hobbies? What do you enjoy doing on your spare time? If you don't have any hobbies, try some out so you'll find some that you genuinely like. Also, being informed enough about current events or anything newsworthy makes you interesting. Just avoid any (potentially) controversial topics when initially meeting someone. Additionally, (as Batya mentioned) actively listen to others more than you speak. That's a desirable attribute.

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You know, I've felt this way before too. I like to think I'm someone who's friendly and all that, but for some reason I have a hard time connecting in certain scenarios. But finally, I've joined in with a Bible study at my church and honestly, that's been wonderful. I've met a few people and fortunately, it's somewhere super welcoming and I didn't expect to find friends. Maybe that could work for you!

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your therapist is right. and just because you change and do things right doesn't mean success comes RIGHT AWAY. You have to stay consistent at it, trust in it, have faith in "the process" and eventually things wil turn around.

See.. it's not about changing how you are and talk to people. It's changing your ENTIRE universe with the new mindset and living EVERY LITTLE ASPECT of your life to the new way of thinking.

 

The way of thinking should be, "stay in the moment. have fun. be me and do what brings me joy." Right now you are putting your entire happiness and joy on depending on OTHERS. Wrong move. nobody is going to put YOU first before themselves - much as YOU need to always put yourself first.

 

So enjoy. Find joy. Be in the moment. Fill yourself with things that bring you joy just because - where you dont' need to depend on anythign else but yourself. And keep doing it - even if it's slow starting. AFter this becomes autonomous to the point you're not even thinking about it anymore -0 you're just doing it and enjoying it.. you'll be surprised how things turn around and change for you after that. It has for me!

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There are apps similar to dating apps that are for friendship.

 

I know bumble has a "bff" setting. Not sure of other ones but there must be.

 

Also there is a "meet up" app. I think it's for people to meet up with similar interests.

 

Online friends are fine. But using those apps you can meet people in real life too.

 

Although I've met some lovely people from going to evening classes. So maybe think about classes.

 

Friendships come and go... That's normal. So expanding hobbies can be great to meet people with similar interests.

 

Also you have to remember only true friends will stay there for you regardless. So the people you have lost so far are not worth having around.

 

One of my mum's best friends she met later in life. So there is no rush on finding friends in life.

 

Best of luck :)

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