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I don't know what I can do to help in this situation.

Any input would be great.

I'm dating this guy just over a month. We have become really close quickly.

 

It's a weird situation- he's been friends with this girl for 14 years. They have a 4 month old baby together. It's just one of those things that happened. He choose to live with her to help bring up the baby. There is nothing romantic there 💯. They sleep in separate rooms. So although this might seem like my problem... It's strangely not. It's a weird situation but I'm ok with it.

 

All his money goes to the baby. He's such a great dad and such a sweet and lovely person. He does his best. He loves his son and he really is a good guy.

 

So here's the problem. She's a party girl. She's always bringing people back to the house to throw parties. They wreak the house. Sniffing coke And doing pills while the baby is upstairs . God Forgive me cos I live in no palace myself but it's a dump. Cans everywhere, cigarettes, dirt, mould. I don't mind mess, but this house is un heigienic for a little baby. The guy I'm seeing cleans all the time but she just has more parties and wreaks the place. I don't mind mess. I'm not stuck up, but I'll say it how it is, the house is a filthy dump.

 

She's into drugs ( he is not) . She's always bringing back random guys. He told me she done this even while pregnant . he gave her money the other day, she spent it on pills and coke. I stayed there last night. She came home at 6am out of her face. He was after been taking care of the baby all night. Feeding him, changing him. She took the baby at this stage. I'm disgusted at the fact she took the baby when she was out of her face.

 

The guy I'm seeing went upstairs to give her the baby blankets. Next of all I heard a loud bang like something fell and her screaming the house down. Because I was worried something happened the baby, I ran upstairs ( as did his room mate) to see what was wrong. We walked in to witness her punching him and slapping and pretty much beating him. All because she was out of her face and earlier he had nicely asked her if she could keep the noise down as he was trying to sleep. He didn't touch her. He walked away. This guy wouldn't hurt a fly. His arms were covered in her nail scrapes and his lip was cut. He said this isn't the first time it's happened. She gets high and goes crazy. My heart broke for him. He really is a sweet heart... And when she goes crazy she then accuses him of hitting HER.

 

He's stuck. He knows he needs to move out away from her but she's using the baby against him. He's afraid he will lose his son.

 

 

It's not my business and I'm not getting involved. But what do I do to help him?? It's killing me knowing this poor little baby is being brought up with a mother who behaves this way. What if something were to happen the baby when she's on drugs? It's just not a good atmosphere for the child. What would you do? 😔 Who am I to say she's not fit to be a mom, but I'm sorry, she is not.

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Call child services and get out.

 

There's not place for you there, except as a codependent.

 

If you stay, it'll be a codependent train: he's her codependent and you'll be his codependent.

 

Codependency only enables. It never solves anything.

 

Seriously, get out.

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He's stuck. He knows he needs to move out away from her but she's using the baby against him. He's afraid he will lose his son.
Oh come on now, surely you are not that naive. She is an abusive drug user who couldn't look after that baby properly so getting custody should have been is first priority a long time ago. Your boyfriend has some serious problems if he hasn't yet seen a lawyer to work on full custody and getting himself and his son out of that squalor, physical abuse and substance abuse. He has severe codependency issues for staying and putting up with that.

 

You have found yourself in the middle of their hell. Get out after telling him once he has seen a lawyer and gotten FULL custody of the baby to call you. If you don't, well then I wonder about your codependency issues as well.

 

... and if it's "killing you" that the baby is in the midst of all that then yes, call children's services and save the poor thing before she does something to him that YOU will never forgive yourself for letting go on.

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It's not my business and I'm not getting involved. But what do I do to help him?? It's killing me knowing this poor little baby is being brought up with a mother who behaves this way. What if something were to happen the baby when she's on drugs? It's just not a good atmosphere for the child. What would you do? 😔 Who am I to say she's not fit to be a mom, but I'm sorry, she is not.

 

btw he is part of the bad environment and is equally causing it.

btw, if the child was older so more aware of things how would you like to live in a flop house with a druggie mom, dad, dad's latest honey and some roommate or another? Confusing to say the least. I agree to call CPS. If he hasn't moved out and filed for custody yet, he won't do it. Call CPS asking to remain anonymous to the parents and let them handle it-

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Thanks for the reply. Not sure why you put " killing me" in inverted commas. It is 😔 I feel so sorry for the baby. If I were to call social services, will the baby get taken away from his father too?

Your concern should be this baby. If the dad is keeping the baby in this insanity he is not being a good dad.

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You're right.

 

And my concern is the baby. It's just such a tough situation to be in. I appreciate all your comments. It's up to him to get the baby out of that hell hole. It's not my place but I'm gonna talk to him . I just can't believe someone with a child would do drugs around them 😔 I just checked the Child social services web site. It said it can't garentee being annomonius. I completely hear all you are saying... I've just never been in this situation before. I advised him he needs to move out .. away from her. I don't like running people down, but she is not a good mother. Her child should come first... Not her drugs

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Thanks for the reply. Not sure why you put " killing me" in inverted commas. It is 😔 I feel so sorry for the baby. If I were to call social services, will the baby get taken away from his father too?

Yes, you said this:

It's killing me knowing this poor little baby is being brought up with a mother who behaves this way.
I don't know if they would give the father custody or not but I doubt it since he's living with her and putting up with her abuse and the neglect of the upkeep of the home and putting up with her attacks. You seem to be focused on the mother's issues only. Please note that He has some big issues that he should be addressing with the help of a therapist if he doesn't have the common sense to see a lawyer and get advice on how to get full custody as well as staying and putting up with her physical abuse.

 

Please reconsider being in a relationship with a man that is so codependent that he stays in this woman's life as she beats him instead of doing what it takes to get out with that child.

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So you don't want to call CPS because you're afraid your boyfriend will get mad at you for calling.

 

How would you feel if something truly awful happened to that poor innocent baby? Would you tell yourself "Well, at least my boyfriend isn't mad at me!!"

 

BTW, he chose to lay down bareback with this so called druggie. So what does that say about him?

 

I sure hope you two are using condoms since you know he had sex with a woman who brings home random men.

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So you don't want to call CPS because you're afraid your boyfriend will get mad at you for calling

.

 

 

No, I never said that anywhere in my comments. That would be the least of my concerns. I also never said I didn't want to to cps. As I mentioned in previous comments.. I'm looking into it. You have to understand that this is tough for me to do.

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You are 38. I thought you were 18.

 

Do you always choose dramatic situations like this? This guy has red flags all over him.

 

There's no need to be mean. I'm just looking for advice to help a situation. If I didn't care, I wouldn't have posted

 

And to answer your question, no, I do not. I just found all this out last night. I haven't been dating this guy for a month knowing all this. Which is why I came here to ask " what would you do"?. I knew she had parties. Me and the guy I'm dating were all good ... no signs of red flags, Until I found all this out last night when she arrived home out of her face on pills. So no, I didn't even know I was in this dramatic situation.

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Do the right thing and contact CPS. There's the possibility you could be the only voice for this child.

 

I can only speak for myself, but I could never sleep at night while knowing of this child being in a dangerous environment.

 

Thanks for the response. I'm awake right now thinking about it. I'm definitely not going to turn a blind eye to it.

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Yes, you said this: I don't know if they would give the father custody or not but I doubt it since he's living with her and putting up with her abuse and the neglect of the upkeep of the home and putting up with her attacks. You seem to be focused on the mother's issues only. Please note that He has some big issues that he should be addressing with the help of a therapist if he doesn't have the common sense to see a lawyer and get advice on how to get full custody as well as staying and putting up with her physical abuse.

 

Please reconsider being in a relationship with a man that is so codependent that he stays in this woman's life as she beats him instead of doing what it takes to get out with that child.

 

You're 100% right. It's not just her issues. He needs to man up and sort this out. I think I was more focused on her because she's the one with the drug issue. I definitely will have to do something for the poor babies sake. It's not fair on the poor innocent child .

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There's no need to be mean. I'm just looking for advice to help a situation. If I didn't care, I wouldn't have posted

 

And to answer your question, no, I do not. I just found all this out last night. I haven't been dating this guy for a month knowing all this. Which is why I came here to ask " what would you do"?. I knew she had parties. Me and the guy I'm dating were all good ... no signs of red flags, Until I found all this out last night when she arrived home out of her face on pills. So no, I didn't even know I was in this dramatic situation.

 

You have only been dating this guy a month and you haven't bolted. Laney, even if the baby was not a part of the equation, why would his living situation not be one? This is why I thought you guys were teenagers. This is not something that adults in their 30's do. Why do you expect so little in a partner?

 

The fact that there is this serious issue with the baby, and this idiot of a bf has not taken any action, shows your inability in choosing good and stable partners.

 

Call CPS and get the hell out of this relationship. Your picker is way off!

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You have only been dating this guy a month and you didn't bolt. Laney, even if the baby was not a part of the equation, why would his living situation not be one? This is why I thought you guys were teenagers. This is not something that adults in their 30's do. Why do you expect so little in a partner?

 

The fact that there is this serious issue with the baby, and this idiot of a bf has not taken any action, shows your inability in choosing good and stable partners.

 

Call CPS and get the hell out of this relationship. Your picker is way off!

 

 

Maybe I have my own issues of insecurity I guess.. probably expect so little in a partner

as I've been hurt a lot in the past... but that's no excuse. You're right .

Thank you all for your advice. I intend to do something about this. I may seem naive... But the reality is I'm a soft hearted person and the thoughts of me being the reason a baby gets taken away from his mother makes me feel horrible... But the babies safety is much more important x

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Maybe I have my own issues of insecurity I guess.. probably expect so little in a partner

as I've been hurt a lot in the past... but that's no excuse. You're right .

Thank you all for your advice. I intend to do something about this. I may seem naive... But the reality is I'm a soft hearted person and the thoughts of me being the reason a baby gets taken away from his mother makes me feel horrible... But the babies safety is much more important x

 

This is all the reason you need to leave this guy. He is surrounded by drama. He sounds like a complete mess.

 

The baby deserves better than a mother like this. The baby is in a dangerous situation. I would also ask how you would feel if you found out the child died in her care?

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Sorry to hear this. You're only dating 4 weeks consider cutting your losses and stepping out if this mess.

 

He's pretending to be the victim but he's actively living there and participating in this neglect. Since surely you haven't been invited there (since they are living as a family unit) you have not witnessed this and therefore can't report whatever hearsay he tells you about her. You can however report him to CPS for allowing this to go on in his house with his kid there, since he told you this directly..

 

Do not "help him". Delete and block him because his stories do not add up and he has zero integrity allowing this to take place with his own kid in the house. He should be trying to be a decent father, not dating and BSing women about what a party animal his live-in gf is and how he's a poor victim..

I'm dating this guy just over a month.

They have a 4 month old baby together. He choose to live with her to help bring up the baby.

All his money goes to the baby.

She's a party girl. She's always bringing people back to the house to throw parties. Sniffing coke And doing pills while the baby is upstairs.

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