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Ghosted after 5 months of dating


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I was just ghosted. Unexpectedly. Without any warning.

 

After dating for 5 months, I thought we had a real connection. Though we both know this relationship isn’t the “one” for us because of our many incompatibilities with what we want for our future, I thought that at the very minimum, we respected each other enough to have a proper ending.

 

It hurts. I feel abandoned. I feel rejected. I feel humiliated.

 

I’ve been crying a lot and dealing with a lot of restlessness and anxiety. I just need to know I am not alone in the world.

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Thursday. We were exchanging messages. He didn’t reply to my last one. But I can see that he’s online on FB posting random stuff.

 

In the past, he would be very considerate in explaining why he couldn’t reply right away. This is the first time since we met that we didn’t talk for more than one day.

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I'm very sorry this has happened. I have been ghosted too in similar circumstances in the past and I know it hurts. After 5 months of consistent dating, ghosting is indeed a douche move.

 

It has nothing to do with you or you value but how he deals with conflict which is a very immature way.

 

Don't pursue him or text him. Take control by deleting him.

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So sorry to hear about your being ghosted, that's a VERY low blow on his part to just ghost you like that, especially after 5 months of dating. I for one would NEVER ghost someone flat out like that, especially after dating that long. Very immature move too in my honest opinion. I know it's difficult, but just take comfort in the fact that you had no control over this situation, this was all his decision. Don't let his way of thinking control how you are. Don't make any attempts to contact your ex, do your best to begin the healing process. Healing will be tough, but in the meantime, block his Facebook and all other social media, and delete every memory of him. That will help you heal a lot faster.

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You're definitely not alone. And like Annia says, it's more to do with him than you that's for sure!

 

I will say though that your reaction shows you may have been more invested in the relationship than you thought you were (?)

 

You'll be feeling better soon*

 

Question for debate: Which is worse? Ghosting or Bread crumbing?

 

I got bread crumbed....It went on for months!

 

Be kind to yourself*

 

Carus*

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Sorry this happened. What was your last message? Perhaps he sees all the incompatibilities and arguments as the breakup. What were the incompatibilities and was there any solution to them? How often were you seeing each other in person?

Thursday. We were exchanging messages. He didn’t reply to my last one. This is the first time since we met that we didn’t talk for more than one day.
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We never really fought. We wanted different things out of life though (he wanted to have a child and I didn’t). We actually had a breakup around Nov but neither of us stuck to it. We were still communicating with each other and seeing each other regularly. I know though that he’s averse to confrontation as he said he has that issue and he tries to avoid conflict.

 

Our last message exchange was just trading cat photos. My last text was a casual question asking him what he’s working on. That was the end of it. Less than a week before this ghosting, he didn’t message me for 1 day and apologized that there was a family crisis he had to pay attention to.

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What was the breakup in Nov about? What type of conflict is he trying to avoid? It sounds like he just hasn't messaged in a while.

 

All you can do is wait it out or shoot out a meaningful text and ask to meet up in person.

 

Is there simply too much nonsense texting going on? What about in person? When did you last see each other?

we both know this relationship isn’t the “one” for us because of our many incompatibilities with what we want for our future. We wanted different things out of life though he wanted to have a child and I didn’t. We actually had a breakup around Nov but neither of us stuck to it. We were still communicating with each other and seeing each other regularly.
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We ended things in Nov because we both agree that our differences didn’t give us a future together (religious differences mostly).

 

I last saw him on January 9, but it was quick as he just had a bit of time in between appointments. Our messages were a mix of chitchat and more serious stuff.

 

I don’t think it’s just not messaging. This hasn’t happened before. He would usually offer an explanation if he were busy. If he has time to go on FB to share random posts, then he certainly has time to respond to me. He just chose not to.

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I'm sorry this happened.

You aren't alone and it's going to be ok. I know it hurts now, but in the longer haul, this frees you up for someone who does want the same things you do. Like carus mentioned, it's easy to get comfortable with breadcrumbs that keep you stuck in limbo. Time flies, and some people spend years in that purgatory. The good news is you won't. Feel better.

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We never really fought. We wanted different things out of life though (he wanted to have a child and I didn’t). We actually had a breakup around Nov but neither of us stuck to it. We were still communicating with each other and seeing each other regularly. I know though that he’s averse to confrontation as he said he has that issue and he tries to avoid conflict.

 

Our last message exchange was just trading cat photos. My last text was a casual question asking him what he’s working on. That was the end of it. Less than a week before this ghosting, he didn’t message me for 1 day and apologized that there was a family crisis he had to pay attention to.

 

Many coward people ghost to avoid conflict. As you see it's his way of dealing with conflict and it has nothing to do with you as a person.

 

But be glad you werent with him longer and even more invested. The child incompatibility is a major one and it would cause more problems down the line. I know it sucks right now but luckily he jumped ship now than much later when the child issue would become more important.

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We ended things in Nov because we both agree that our differences didn’t give us a future together (religious differences mostly).

 

I last saw him on January 9, but it was quick as he just had a bit of time in between appointments. Our messages were a mix of chitchat and more serious stuff.

 

I don’t think it’s just not messaging. This hasn’t happened before. He would usually offer an explanation if he were busy. If he has time to go on FB to share random posts, then he certainly has time to respond to me. He just chose not to.

 

If you just saw each other 1 time in whole January it seems to me that he was already checking out and wasn't investing much time in you. Probably after the break up in November he never checked in again.

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Really sorry to hear about this. Ghosting, whatever the circumstances, just sucks. It speaks volumes about someone's character—or lack thereof—and while the sting is real beneath it is something even more real: a reminder that this is not the kind of person you need in your life.

 

Sounds like your relationship has always been kind of ambiguous, kind of real, kind of not. That happens. No shame. Sadly, these sorts of relationships often end on a nebulous note. Since they never really began, in earnest, they never quite end in earnest. They fade in and fade out, which is to say I wouldn't be surprised if you hear from him in a day or a week or whatever.

 

The thing this moment is teaching you is that there is nothing in this dynamic to serve you. Those major compatibility issues aren't going anywhere, and on a basic level he's not capable of even communicating in the way you expect from people. Time to focus on all that, rather than thinking he's got anything to offer you.

 

Been in your shoes, has have most. Not fun and I'm sorry. Deep breaths, take the sting knowing it'll fade and that clearer skies are closer than you think.

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I'm sorry this happened. Please understand that ghosting is never about you, it's always about the person doing it. They are literally avoiding the pain of confrontation for themselves. Has nothing to do with you as a person.

 

That said, you said that you two broke up in Nov, have major incompatibility issues like religion, children, etc. I mean serious stuff. You also say that despite all the talking you only saw each other once in Jan. Honestly, it sounds like your break up in Nov was the break up. Getting back to talking to each other just made things messy and ambiguous, but it doesn't seem like you really got back together. He essentially cut that final cord and just quit talking you.

 

Rather than fixating on rejection, maybe focus on why would you want to continue to waste time on a dead end situation where your incompatibilities are so serious and fundamental. This shouldn't even be about rejection, it should have been a mutual decision to part ways, done and finished long ago. It should be a relief it's over. If you are crying and sobbing and wanting to cling on.....better ask yourself why and what's going on with you. He so isn't worth your tears, not because he is a bad person, but because you two weren't compatible in the least.

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I’m really sorry OP. Ghosting is the worst! From his perspective he must have felt it ended in November so what else was there to do or say? Still he could have been polite and just ended on a friendly note not do the vanishing act.

 

It sounds like he did you a favor not with just incompatibility issues but with the type of person that would ghost.

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What did your last message to him on Thursday, which he didn’t reply to, say, OP?

 

It sounds like you two mutually understood that there really wasn’t any longterm potential with respect to this relationship.

 

However, although this seems to be a temporary thing, you clearly have feelings for the guy and want some answers.

 

Instead of assuming silence means things are at an end, have you reached out to him at all to ask him what’s up?

 

Since you two have been communicating daily for quite some time now, I can understand why the silence has caused you to think this way, but what’s the harm in reaching out?

 

Sure, there’s a possibility he might not respond, so prepare yourself for that if you do decide to contact him.

 

But wouldn’t you rather know than assume his lack of reply on Thursday means it’s over?

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Right after the “breakup” it’s as if we ignored it and still saw each other in Nov and Dec. But it doesn’t change the fact that we have acknowledged our incompatibilities. You guys are right. While the constant communication have kept me hooked, he may just be wearing himself off.

 

I’ve unfollowed him on FB. Should I unfriend or block?

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Right after the “breakup” it’s as if we ignored it and still saw each other in Nov and Dec. But it doesn’t change the fact that we have acknowledged our incompatibilities. You guys are right. While the constant communication have kept me hooked, he may just be wearing himself off.

 

I’ve unfollowed him on FB. Should I unfriend or block?

 

Yeah do go ahead and unfriend and block so that this doesn't get any more messy than it already is. When you broke up, you really should have done so back then. It's the breaking up, but then staying "friendly" that made this so confusing and painful now, like going through a second break up, but this break up is now ugly. Focus on the you weren't compatible in the least and off to greener pastures.

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You know sometimes text messages arent delivered right?, its incredibly common in iPhone especially as they get older...

 

Like another poster said it seems like a bit of a leap considering you havent really tried all that much. Not saying this isnt happening and Im sorry it is, I was ghosted after 8 months but there was no denying what he was doing, we had a disagreement and he didnt answer actual phone calls.

 

Is there a specific reason why you haven't called him?

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I haven’t reached out because it really feels to me like I’m being ghosted. If that last message wasn’t sent anyway, he could have messaged me anytime between Thursday and now— which he didn’t. I’m not reaching out bec on some level, I know that it has to end anyway. And I don’t want it to end on a note where I am ignored several times. Once is enough.

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