Mums - I Need Your Advice! How Did You Handle Two Babies/Toddlers?

[itsallgrand]

Hey myloita :) I'll leave the mom experience to the moms. But my advice would be - don't be shy in letting others who offer support to do so. Support can come in many forms and from all kinds of sources.

 

Just a little story. One of my good friends is now a mother of three. We've been friends since before her first child, and through out. I'm so glad she didn't push me out when she became a mom. Some of my other friends, they did. And that's fine if that works for them. But being an 'aunty' to the kids, and how our friendship has deepened over the years is a great source of joy to me. I like the idea of being 'reinforcement' for when my friend could just use a hand or a bit of time to herself. And I have the non depleted reserves for giving the kids attention - I love spending time with them.

 

If you can't tell, I'm a big believer in big fat support systems .

[Seraphim]

Hey myloita :) I'll leave the mom experience to the moms. But my advice would be - don't be shy in letting others who offer support to do so. Support can come in many forms and from all kinds of sources.

 

Just a little story. One of my good friends is now a mother of three. We've been friends since before her first child, and through out. I'm so glad she didn't push me out when she became a mom. Some of my other friends, they did. And that's fine if that works for them. But being an 'aunty' to the kids, and how our friendship has deepened over the years is a great source of joy to me. I like the idea of being 'reinforcement' for when my friend could just use a hand or a bit of time to herself. And I have the non depleted reserves for giving the kids attention - I love spending time with them.

 

If you can't tell, I'm a big believer in big fat support systems .

Exactly, I wish I had had more support. I was drowning at the time, but I didn’t open up either .

[Seraphim]

Really, I have just emerged from the drowning experience in the last year. But don’t take my experience as typical . And a lot of my experience was due to a lot of my own mental health issues not necessarily my child. We do have a lot of unique experiences though and unique challenges .

[Batya33]

Hey myloita :) I'll leave the mom experience to the moms. But my advice would be - don't be shy in letting others who offer support to do so. Support can come in many forms and from all kinds of sources.

 

Just a little story. One of my good friends is now a mother of three. We've been friends since before her first child, and through out. I'm so glad she didn't push me out when she became a mom. Some of my other friends, they did. And that's fine if that works for them. But being an 'aunty' to the kids, and how our friendship has deepened over the years is a great source of joy to me. I like the idea of being 'reinforcement' for when my friend could just use a hand or a bit of time to herself. And I have the non depleted reserves for giving the kids attention - I love spending time with them.

 

If you can't tell, I'm a big believer in big fat support systems .

 

Yes yes yes and yes on the not making assumptions about the help moms vs. non-moms can do. I had all sorts of experiences including the best help from non-moms and the most judgment from other moms.

[mylolita]

Hey myloita :) I'll leave the mom experience to the moms. But my advice would be - don't be shy in letting others who offer support to do so. Support can come in many forms and from all kinds of sources.

 

Just a little story. One of my good friends is now a mother of three. We've been friends since before her first child, and through out. I'm so glad she didn't push me out when she became a mom. Some of my other friends, they did. And that's fine if that works for them. But being an 'aunty' to the kids, and how our friendship has deepened over the years is a great source of joy to me. I like the idea of being 'reinforcement' for when my friend could just use a hand or a bit of time to herself. And I have the non depleted reserves for giving the kids attention - I love spending time with them.

 

If you can't tell, I'm a big believer in big fat support systems .

 

Hey myloita :) I'll leave the mom experience to the moms. But my advice would be - don't be shy in letting others who offer support to do so. Support can come in many forms and from all kinds of sources.

 

Just a little story. One of my good friends is now a mother of three. We've been friends since before her first child, and through out. I'm so glad she didn't push me out when she became a mom. Some of my other friends, they did. And that's fine if that works for them. But being an 'aunty' to the kids, and how our friendship has deepened over the years is a great source of joy to me. I like the idea of being 'reinforcement' for when my friend could just use a hand or a bit of time to herself. And I have the non depleted reserves for giving the kids attention - I love spending time with them.

 

If you can't tell, I'm a big believer in big fat support systems .

 

Hi itsallgrand,

 

Nice to hear from you! I'm sorry if I first maybe put you off or you felt excluded by my question title, I wrote it without much thought thinking that the best people with experience of this would be other Mums themselves but as you say, other people with other opinions are just as valid so, I apologise for my title, a bit thoughtless I guess I wrote it in much speed whilst bubba was napping!

 

I have a hard time letting people support me! I am a bit of a "solo person" and I like all the control to myself, it's harder this way and I kick myself everyday for it, it makes my life much harder, not just in the area of looking after my young baby but doing other things as well. For example, there is this little girl next door but one (we live on a row of townhouse terrace houses if you get my jist). She is 9 and absolutely adores my son. As soon as he was born her Mum and Dad, who me and my husband are friends with and love having as neighbours, were constantly saying oh she would love to come round etc. so I made a point of walking out with her every week when he was a newborn.

 

I don't mean to sound harsh but this was a bit of a hinderance to me. She would try and wake him up while he was napping because she obviously just wanted to play with him but I used to try and explain nicely that he needed his naps and that walking him out was his time to nap. So, we would talk and very sweetly she would hold his hand while he slept in the pram. Very cute but I used to think, boring for her maybe. So I started inviting her to come round when he got older and he had longer wakeful periods and she would play with him very nicely. She tried a few times to stand and pick him up which I had to say no, you must be sitting down in the cushions incase you dropped him etc and she seemed to understand although one time, I stepped out of the room for 4 seconds max and came back in to her about to stand up and try to kind of, dance with him at 3 months old. Anyway I never left the room again after that incident. But all the while I felt like it was more hassle for me to have her round. Her parents adored the free time it gave them and she skipped back home very happy after an hour or two but I would be left a bit more exhausted than if I'd just carried on with the day myself.

 

Which made me think - I think it was my mental attitude towards the whole thing that makes me think like that. If I was positive about it and used help as help presents itself I could maybe ask her to hand me things and get her to lend a hand which I know she wouldn't mind. Instead I would try and entertain her as well, get her drinks, or when we were walking we'd always stop for sweets that I'd get her and I felt like I was always putting pressure on myself to give her a great time.

 

This is my attitude say when my parents come to the house! Instead of letting them busy themselves helping me, I wait on them hand and foot (I am a self forced and natural hostess and I simply can hardly help myself even when I am exhausted and partly resenting it) and I'm getting them coffee after coffee and then I start deciding I'll cook and roast a chicken then it turns into this huge sit down meal and they leave after an hour of play with my son all perky and having had a great time and I am left even more exhausted!

 

And it angers me because it's ALL MY OWN FAULT! And my husband even says, what are you doing?! Sit down! Let them watch him! Let's go out, let's relax! But I never listen!

 

Maybe I need to learn to ask for help and accept help because I am half killing myself doing things this way!

 

Lo x

[mylolita]

Really, I have just emerged from the drowning experience in the last year. But don’t take my experience as typical . And a lot of my experience was due to a lot of my own mental health issues not necessarily my child. We do have a lot of unique experiences though and unique challenges .

 

Seraphim, you sound like just such a brave woman and I don't know how you manage, I really don't, and I won't begin to even try to imagine what life has been like and is like for you but I must say you have done a fantastic job by the sounds of it and I hope you are acknowledged for this and life will start to become a little easier for you soon.

 

Lo x

[mylolita]

I don't want to exclude anyone here but I have another sideline question as the pregnancy nausea and exhaustion has really been hitting and I just want to know, how do you cope when feeling like this and having to still look after a very rambunctious, walking, no, running, 1 year old?!? Who is 1 and a half stone!

 

They always say as well, be careful lifting weights and the like when you're pregnant but how on earth are you supposed to avoid this when you have to carry and lift a 1 year old constantly all day every day?! I don't get that. So my husband will rush to help me with shopping bags that weigh a fraction of what my son does but I cart him around constantly all day and no one bats an eye?

 

By the end of the day my stomach does feel so crampy from it and I feel so tired, I don't think he understands the sheer type of exhaustion that comes from this early stage of pregnancy, it's like, all consuming. I am a very hyperactive, high energy type of girl and this stage always kills me because I simply can't stand the feeling of this overwhelming tiredness.

 

I have tried getting early nights but I'm getting up 2/3 times a night for a pee and also my son is sometimes restless so I was woken up at 2.30am and 4.00am because he was stirring and crying. Arrrrrrrgggghhh I wish I could take a pill that perked me up.

 

Lo x

[Batya33]

Hi itsallgrand,

 

Nice to hear from you! I'm sorry if I first maybe put you off or you felt excluded by my question title, I wrote it without much thought thinking that the best people with experience of this would be other Mums themselves but as you say, other people with other opinions are just as valid so, I apologise for my title, a bit thoughtless I guess I wrote it in much speed whilst bubba was napping!

 

I have a hard time letting people support me! I am a bit of a "solo person" and I like all the control to myself, it's harder this way and I kick myself everyday for it, it makes my life much harder, not just in the area of looking after my young baby but doing other things as well. For example, there is this little girl next door but one (we live on a row of townhouse terrace houses if you get my jist). She is 9 and absolutely adores my son. As soon as he was born her Mum and Dad, who me and my husband are friends with and love having as neighbours, were constantly saying oh she would love to come round etc. so I made a point of walking out with her every week when he was a newborn.

 

I don't mean to sound harsh but this was a bit of a hinderance to me. She would try and wake him up while he was napping because she obviously just wanted to play with him but I used to try and explain nicely that he needed his naps and that walking him out was his time to nap. So, we would talk and very sweetly she would hold his hand while he slept in the pram. Very cute but I used to think, boring for her maybe. So I started inviting her to come round when he got older and he had longer wakeful periods and she would play with him very nicely. She tried a few times to stand and pick him up which I had to say no, you must be sitting down in the cushions incase you dropped him etc and she seemed to understand although one time, I stepped out of the room for 4 seconds max and came back in to her about to stand up and try to kind of, dance with him at 3 months old. Anyway I never left the room again after that incident. But all the while I felt like it was more hassle for me to have her round. Her parents adored the free time it gave them and she skipped back home very happy after an hour or two but I would be left a bit more exhausted than if I'd just carried on with the day myself.

 

Which made me think - I think it was my mental attitude towards the whole thing that makes me think like that. If I was positive about it and used help as help presents itself I could maybe ask her to hand me things and get her to lend a hand which I know she wouldn't mind. Instead I would try and entertain her as well, get her drinks, or when we were walking we'd always stop for sweets that I'd get her and I felt like I was always putting pressure on myself to give her a great time.

 

This is my attitude say when my parents come to the house! Instead of letting them busy themselves helping me, I wait on them hand and foot (I am a self forced and natural hostess and I simply can hardly help myself even when I am exhausted and partly resenting it) and I'm getting them coffee after coffee and then I start deciding I'll cook and roast a chicken then it turns into this huge sit down meal and they leave after an hour of play with my son all perky and having had a great time and I am left even more exhausted!

 

And it angers me because it's ALL MY OWN FAULT! And my husband even says, what are you doing?! Sit down! Let them watch him! Let's go out, let's relax! But I never listen!

 

Maybe I need to learn to ask for help and accept help because I am half killing myself doing things this way!

 

Lo x

 

Yes, you have to find the right village and the way to accept help. I am an extrovert who felt very drained being around people after I had a baby especially in the newborn stage.

[Seraphim]

Seraphim, you sound like just such a brave woman and I don't know how you manage, I really don't, and I won't begin to even try to imagine what life has been like and is like for you but I must say you have done a fantastic job by the sounds of it and I hope you are acknowledged for this and life will start to become a little easier for you soon.

 

Lo x

Not brave but his mom. 😀

[Cherylyn]

It's difficult in the beginning. You will be sleep deprived. Just tough it out in the beginning and know it will get easier eventually. Hang in there. You just do the best you can. What helped me during those early years was to enlist my husband's help. He grocery shopped, helped clean the house, helped cook the meals, washed dishes, took care of the kids so I could get a haircut or go to the dentist, took care of the kids so I could sleep in on weekends and basically picked up the slack. I couldn't have survived without him. I really needed him. He picked up the slack.

 

Then as years passed by, life did indeed become easier and I had both kids on the same schedule such as wake up, meals, naps, bath, play, story time, bedtime. Once they were both on the same schedule, I could breathe a sigh of relief. The good news about having 2 kids close together is you get everything done and over with quickly. You'll be done with diapers, toting diaper bags, bottles, strollers and highchairs faster. Then it's onto the next stage and before you know it, they're off to school at the same time. Their schedules are the same.

 

That's the advantage vs. another parent with kids who are spaced farther apart and have to start all over again with a baby. At least, it's full speed ahead for you and once you're done with the baby / toddler stage, your kids grow up together and life will become easier in many ways because you'll have less difficult responsibilities.

 

The bad news is that when kids are spaced close together there's more sibling rivalry but as a mother, again, you do the best you can to let them know to share or take turns or be fair.

 

I'd say the secret for me other than my husband's help was for me to stay organized. I never thrived on chaos. I was always very orderly, everything had to be a certain way and I was prepared the night or day before. For example, the diaper bag was always packed. The stroller was always in the car. I had extra supplies in the trunk of my car with a separate diaper bag just in case I had to jump in the car at a moment's notice with kids. Their snacks and beverages were always in the car to eliminate last minute scrambling. I was always prepared. Or, I'd pack a picnic lunch the night before so in the morning, I'd throw it all in a cooler with freezer packs so the kids could eat and drink on-the-go. I planned everything around their nap schedules. They took 3 hr naps from noon to 3pm and that was my quiet time for folding laundry or quiet chores.

 

The key and secret are routines, strict schedules, staying organized, constant decluttering and being orderly. I ran a tight ship.