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My bf’s male friend


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Ok, so, my boyfriend plays video games and has a few online friends. One guy he has been talking to for a couple years. Sometimes when I am playing video games on my boyfriend’s tv, the guy will message him thinking it’s him and send a few messages. Sometimes my bf will answer and say that his gf is on. So, the guy sent a message asking if it was me, and I said yes. When I opened up the text box online I could see previous messages from the guy, including I (heart emoji) you. That kinda creeped me out A LOT.

I noticed a few weeks ago that my bf and this guy exchanged phone numbers and now frequently text. This guy messages my boyfriend ALL THE TIME. It’s teally starting to make me feel uncomfortable, and I’ve seen a few texts when my bf’s phone has lit up that are also weird, like “I miss u,” and constantly asking to play.

In the video game messages, I saw that this guy asks where I am a lot... and when I’m going to come back, if I’m out. It is a guy, I’ve heard his voice when they are playing.

 

I don’t want to overreact or misjudge, so I haven’t said anything, but I would like some outside perspectives. This guy is supposedly in his mid 20s, a little younger than us.

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That's weird.

 

Straight guys simply do not message other guys with "I miss you". I haven't said that once to anyone ever in my life of the same sex. Not once. I can't even draw up a scenario in my mind where any of my friends would say it to me.

 

I'd either ask him to explain, or install a keylogger on the computer and find out if it's innocent or not.

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Aside from this, have you ever suspected your boyfriend to be interested in men? How long have you guys been together?

We have been together for 3 years. When we first started dating, he told me that his longest relationship was 3 months... and that was when we were 26. I kinda questioned it at first, wondering why, but I chalked it up to him being shy and no one giving him a chance. Now, after seeing what I’ve said, I feel a bit concerned. :/ and I don’t know how to bring it up without accusing or coming off the wrong way...

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That's weird.

 

Straight guys simply do not message other guys with "I miss you". I haven't said that once to anyone ever in my life of the same sex. Not once. I can't even draw up a scenario in my mind where any of my friends would say it to me.

 

I'd either ask him to explain, or install a keylogger on the computer and find out if it's innocent or not.

 

I’m not going to invade his privacy anymore than I already have by seeing those messages while playing. I’m aware what a keylogger is, but if it comes to that point... mind as well not even do it and leave. Yeah, I mean, it’s just a little weird to me. I don’t even do that with my girl friends.

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Well, I'd just bring this up. You guys are grownups. Don't start snooping around, setting traps, peeking over his shoulder, and so on—the minute you go down that road you've already lost. I don't think you want to be a 30 year old woman trying to understand her relationship through a video game—so, you know, don't be that woman.

 

Let him know know what's what: what you've noticed, that you're a bit confused. No need to be aggressive. Let him talk, listen to what he says.

 

But, big picture: yeah, the whole thing seems a bit odd.

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Homoerotic humor is a common thing. Hearts and "I miss you" aren't exactly erotic, but you get the idea.

 

I mean, if it's every other message, then yeah, it becomes less of a running "joke." Otherwise, after three years, I assume you'd be confident in how much or little of a threat a man he knows online would be to your relationship. I see little-to-no point in bringing it up.

 

It sounds like you're just looking for something, though. Still, kudos for respecting your boyfriend's privacy. Sounds like what you do know has simply come in passing.

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Homoerotic humor is a common thing. Hearts and "I miss you" aren't exactly erotic, but you get the idea.

 

I mean, if it's every other message, then yeah, it becomes less of a running "joke." Otherwise, after three years, I assume you'd be confident in how much or little of a threat a man he knows online would be to your relationship. I see little-to-no point in bringing it up.

 

It sounds like you're just looking for something, though. Still, kudos for respecting your boyfriend's privacy. Sounds like what you do know has simply come in passing.

 

Thanks for the advice. I do remember a few months ago this guy said he was going to be in the area and asked to meet up with my bf. He said yes, but as far as I know the guy never ended up taking the trip.

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Are you sure its a guy? Sometimes women have more masculine than feminine voices.

 

Anyway, you've been together three years so just ask your b/f what this 'guy's' dealio is and see what he has to say about it and, yes... good on you for not going to the extremes of installing a key logger or other such invasion of privacy.

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This whole situation does sound a little sketchy, but just to play devils advocate, my best friend whom I've known since we were kids tells me "I love you" quite a bit; its nothing sexual, its just a close friendship thing. He's been married for 2 years and has a little girl now.

 

Your situation on the other hand, I would definitely try to talk to him about this if I were you. Regarding the whole "looking over his shoulder" thing, it sounds to me that you never intentionally snooped around on his stuff; it just so happened you saw it while you were playing video games. Go to your boyfriend heart-to-heart and voice your concerns. Personally, when I'm in a relationship with a woman, I have no problem letting her snoop around my phone messages, because I never have anything to hide. I believe that NOTHING should ever come in between someone in a relationship, a healthy relationship at least. When you talk to him, just say something like "hey, I pondered upon some messages you and this dude were sending each other", then voice your concerns about that. I for one would be a little sketched out if some random dude told me he misses me and he loves me; of course if a woman told me that I would be flattered, because I'm a straight guy. I would definitely talk to your boyfriend about that, you have the right to know if he still loves you and wants to stay in your relationship.

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Are you sure it's a guy or this same guy sending these heart emoji type texts? Do grown men send that type of thing? Are they meant for you or your bf? Are you worried this player is under 18 and your bf is a pedophile? Or are you worried he's got some sort of bromance going on?

When I opened up the text box online I could see previous messages from the guy, including I (heart emoji) you. It is a guy, I’ve heard his voice when they are playing.
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Are you sure it's a guy or this same guy sending these heart emoji type texts? Do grown men send that type of thing? Are they meant for you or your bf? Are you worried this player is under 18 and your bf is a pedophile? Or are you worried he's got some sort of bromance going on?

 

Nowhere did I express that concern. Quite frankly, I’m appalled you brought that into my thread.

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Just say for one second his friend is interested in your boyfriend...big deal.

 

You're boyfriend isn't gay and I doubt he takes the messages to heart.

 

I'd say you're worrying for nothing.

 

My concern is that this guy likes my boyfriend and my boyfriend doesn’t see it. I don’t think I’m worried about my bf... he never replies to the weird messages I saw, but it stil makes me feel uncomfortable that this kinda random guy is saying things like that to my bf.

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My concern is that this guy likes my boyfriend and my boyfriend doesn’t see it. I don’t think I’m worried about my bf... he never replies to the weird messages I saw, but it stil makes me feel uncomfortable that this kinda random guy is saying things like that to my bf.

 

If that's the case, and your boyfriend is indeed not responding to the messages, then I don't think you have anything to worry about. I would still keep an eye out on this dude who's messaging your boyfriend, it's quite creepy if you're asking me.

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Yeah but even if he is flirting with your boyfriend, it's no big deal. At least I don't think it is.

 

You're boyfriend isn't going to respond to it and he's not gay, so what's the problem?

 

If this guy has developed a bit of a crush on your boyfriend, I don't see the issue. He's clearly not a threat and your boyfriend doesn't say the same things back to him.

 

I don't know, maybe it's just me but I wouldn't be bothered.If it was a girl on the other hand...that's completely different.

 

But it's like other posters have said as well, this guy might be more expressive and tells his friends he loves them or misses them. Again, no threat, and no issue or big deal.

 

I wouldn't mention it to your boyfriend, he will think you're causing a problem where there isn't one.

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That's weird.

 

Straight guys simply do not message other guys with "I miss you". I haven't said that once to anyone ever in my life of the same sex. Not once. I can't even draw up a scenario in my mind where any of my friends would say it to me.

 

I'd either ask him to explain, or install a keylogger on the computer and find out if it's innocent or not.

 

Actually, my boyfriend and at least one of his friends joke around like this all of the time. They try to see who can get most uncomfortable first (at this point, they're both numb to it but they still carry on). It's just their sense of humor and some pretty funny stories have come out of it.

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Agree with Sherry, as more information is coming out.

 

You don't think bf is gay, bf isn't engaging in the "weird" messages, so what's to be concerned about? That maybe, maybe a video game pal has a slight crush?

 

Which brings me to the bigger q: How much is this connected to your more general frustrations (voiced in an earlier post) about the role video games plays in your bf's life? That is time and energy is, in your view, a bit too wrapped up in games and the community of gaming?

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Agree with Sherry, as more information is coming out.

 

You don't think bf is gay, bf isn't engaging in the "weird" messages, so what's to be concerned about? That maybe, maybe a video game pal has a slight crush?

 

Which brings me to the bigger q: How much is this connected to your more general frustrations (voiced in an earlier post) about the role video games plays in your bf's life? That is time and energy is, in your view, a bit too wrapped up in games and the community of gaming?

 

Its only a problem if he turns into being a stalker/its an out of control fixation.

But i can also see where you think BF should say something like "dude, knock it off".

Do you think your bf is leading him on by not shutting him down to jerk this guy's chain?

Or if this guy is a kid (16 with an adult voice) or developmentally disabled, maybe he genuinely means "miss you" as a platonic little brother/big brother type of feeling. Kids can say that stuff

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I can't necessarily defend the humor as particularly mature, but this post reminded me of a friend of mine in my 20s, so I dug up and charged an old phone of mine.

 

oKcciTp.jpg

 

Like Jibralta's guy, we'd just say goofy **** for our own amusement. Diagnose it however you want, but it's a lot more common than you'd think. With it being the information age and it being a lot less awkward to make such jokes over text, I think you see this kind of thing more often, though you're only seeing it for having access to his PMs to some extent.

 

Though it's not an every day thing, there are times still I'll end a quick phone call with a friend of mine with "love you" just to put them in a position to react.

 

I'd leave it alone.

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j,man, you know these friends in real life so "i love you, man!!" while drunk or acting silly is a whole different thing. I remember my brother trying to get his buddy to go out with him and his other dude friends and he wouldn't so he mimicked Kate Winslet in Titanic "jack! jack! Come back Jack!" and fake cried.... if you never met someone and are not 20 years old it is a little weird.

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