Jump to content

Thoughts On Therapy?


Recommended Posts

I was talking with my mom today about how hard I’m taking this breakup and she mentioned if she thought it would help if I had someone to talk to/saw a therapist. We’ve been broken up roughly 7 weeks and I’ve been in NC for 5+ weeks.

 

Is it too soon to give in to therapy? And for those of you that decided on therapy for this reason or another, what are your thoughts on it? Did it help you? I just feel like I need something or someone to help me get through this difficult time.

 

I don’t want to feel embarrassed because my reason for going is because of a breakup. Is it common to do that? I also don’t want to always burst into tears when I talk to the therapist about what’s going on.

 

Any advice would be helpful. Thanks!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've always found therapy to be helpful. There's no shame in taking charge of your life and seeking help.

 

The guy in this video offers an interesting perspective on the stigma surrounding therapy and mental health issues. Such stigma really is nonsensical.

 

Do what you need to do.

 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi DC*

 

I've worked as a counselor/therapist for around 9 years now... You know what about 75% of my clients would come in for...?

 

Yup. Breakups and/or Divorce.

 

You're not the first and you certainly won't be the last*

 

I ended up in multiple therapies when my own marriage fell apart.

 

So a couple of things: Be mindful of the costs. Some countries do cover a certain amount of sessions... But better to be spending money on healing and mental health than drugs or alcohol right? :)

 

Shop around a bit. All counselors come with their own biases and experiences and most will specalize in certain areas. Find one you like and don't be afraid to change (we don't take it personally I promise*).

 

Deep therapy can be a little overwhelming when you're in the early stages of grief. You're already dealing with a lot. But it can be good to just talk and have someone listen.

 

Write out things you want to take to the session. You can go on all sorts of tangents during the session as it all comes tumbling out and before you know it the hour's up and you're back sitting in the car feeling more confused than when you went in! :)

 

Subscribe to this channel and watch the videos ~ https://www.youtube.com/user/CameroneProductions

 

Come to this forum to write stuff out and vent.

 

Try your hardest to not contact your ex and stay the hell away from FaceBook and social media...It will all still be there later but for now, stay off it*

 

It's never easy buddy and some take it harder than others....

 

Be patient and kind to yourself. This is about you and your healing now.

 

Focus Young Padawan*

 

Carus*

 

Edit: MetalTwin posted as I was writing this out. And it's true, it's not for everyone although a lot of that can depend on the points I've mentioned above. S'why I think it's so important to find the right one....

He also mentions psychiatrist/psychologist... Different to a counselor. Those guys can be a bit quick sometimes to jump straight on the meds (that's my opinion, not advice. Meds have their place but grief is not depression. That's why you haven't heard of antiGrief pills. Boy I wish there were! :-/)

 

Anyway, hope this helps. Give it a go. If it helps, great. If it doesn't then maybe put it aside for a while*

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I just got out of a relationship a little less than two weeks ago and I started seeing a therapist this week. I have seen therapists and psychiatrists before for other reasons, but I definitely do not think a break up is an embarrassing reason to go to therapy. Many people (such as myself) feel broken and lost, and have low self-esteem after tough break ups. I find it beneficial to talk to someone who is objective and a third party. You may not believe all the things your friends and family say to you because they love you. When I hear advice from a third party who is not invested in my life personally, i tend to take more stock in it. That is just me though.

 

Also, make sure you feel like the fit is right. I saw a psychiatrist many years ago who was quick to prescribe be anti-depressants. I wanted to work on the root of the issues, not deal with symptoms. So I stayed away from psychiatrists after that. Later on I saw a counselor who actually did more damage than actually help, and I continued to go (not sure why) until I realized the sessions were not making me feel any better. Now I found a spiritual counselor whom I hope will help me, she seems very empathetic and open. We have a good connection and that is so important. So I strongly recommend therapy, but with the right therapist for you!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My brother had a PhD in psychology and I fully believe in the benefits of a good therapist no matter the reason. Really, they have heard it all. They know about breakups and divorces and the angst some people feel and they can help you learn to deal with it and get thru it and move on as a whole person, not someone who is broken, which you seem to be. Put your feelings of doubt aside and go see someone, I think you'll be glad you did.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hmmmm, lemme think if I've found therapy helpful....

 

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

 

So, that's the short answer. Sorry if I cracked your screen.

 

Go, try it. Won't hurt. Will probably help. No shame in it—none—and it might just help some of that other unfounded shame dissolve.

 

Now, that's not to say I don't have some more complicated thoughts on therapy, because I do. Self-exploration can give way to self-absorption—which, while less corrosive than a post-breakup shame spiral, can become its own sort of unproductive spiral.

 

But that's the kind of stuff you start considering after, I don't know, a year of therapy. You're hurting, you're reaching, you could use some help in finding those footholds. Asking for help is about the strongest thing a person can do, one step removed from the really strong thing, which is getting help.

 

So give it a try.

 

My two cents.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, you might be "embarrassed" because you broke your ankle trying to breakdance at your cousin's wedding, but you'll still go get it treated, right? "Embarrassment" wouldn't stop you from getting treatment for any other medical issue.

 

Do you think the therapist will shout "LOSER!" when they find out you're there to get help for a breakup?

 

OK, now that you're feeling a bit silly and laughing, go ahead and see a therapist if you feel it would benefit you.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree, it can't hurt. My only advice would be to make sure you see a decent therapist, but that's a tricky one as it's hard to get recommendations and a lot of it is down to rapport. I am seeing a therapist over the weekend to deal with some residual issues from my break up, which happened around the same time as yours. Things like co-dependency, self-esteem issues, not knowing how to progress with my life...Half the problem is topics stuck in your head, memories of your ex going round and round. When you share these and have the perspective of a stranger, a lot of the angst is alleviated. There is nothing to be embarrassed about, just do it and you'll see! It could significantly help you. Good luck!

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you so much everyone for your replies! I spent today looking up different therapists and the benefits of seeing one. I definitely think it would help and I should at least try it. I agree having a stranger’s perspective on things would help a lot. I also realize it’s nothing to be embarrassed about or ashamed of thanks to all of you. That’s probably just my anxiety speaking. Anything to stop my mind from racing with thoughts about my ex and my self esteem and confidence is worth a shot. I will post an update after my first appointment to let you all know how it goes!

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Agree with Carus, it really depends on the therapist. Here in the US there are therapists who are book smart, but lack the proper insight, compassion or even empathy to be helpful and effective, imo.

 

Everything is by the"book" and they give the same "advice" to everyone, I found it to be very contrived.

 

But I suppose there are some good ones so as Carus said, shop around, you may even have to see a few before you find one you like and trust.

 

What helped me more than individual therapy were support groups, attended by folks experiencing what you are, monitored by a qualified professional.

 

I attended a support group after my parents died (grief) and after a bad breakup, I found them to be very helpful!

 

I'm sorry you're hurting, please know time heals!! I used to think it was just a silly cliche, but I know now it's not, time truly does heal, I promise!

 

Anyway, hang in and hope you feel better soon (hugs)).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Agree with Carus, it really depends on the therapist. Here in the US there are therapists who are book smart, but lack the proper insight, compassion or even empathy to be helpful and effective, imo.

When I was at Uni there were definitely those in the class who were so 'By-The-Book' that they almost became the damn book...!

 

I think I may have been the only one who even knew what NC was!

 

I remember thinking that some of these people shouldn't be counselors....However, perhaps they would be good for some. We all seem to react differently to different styles and modalities....

 

I usually tell people "Half of what I know I learned at Uni..." ;-)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I found group therapy to be a crutch.

 

I could use it as an excuse..."See, other people do these things too! That means it's OK for me to do them!" Or, I could tell myself "Well, I may be messed up but that person is WORSE than me!"

 

But, I am sure others find it helpful. I'll never judge someone for finding a healthy way to deal with their pain.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

See , an I would not find support groups helpful. I have done it a few times and found other people’s pain so overwhelming as an empath.

 

Wow, that's really interesting!

 

I did it as a teenager for a few years, but not as an adult. I honestly can't remember if it was helpful to me or not. I think it was probably helpful though, because I saw a lot of other kids coping with problems like mine. Often, their circumstances worse. Lots of foster kids and such. And I made friends, which was helpful. But a kid's experience is a lot different than an adult's. The therapists were authority figures to us (and we were united in rebellion!), whereas an adult would view a therapist as more of a peer and take a more mature view of the situation.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

For me, I preferred support groups as we could all relate to each other and would bounce off thoughts and different perspectives depending on what we were feeling and experiencing.

 

Kind of like we do on this forum on certain threads.

 

I am somewhat of an empath too and did feel their pain but for some reason it didn't overwhelm me, as it used to when I was younger. I related to it and was able to offer comfort and support and vice versa.

 

Sometimes harsh truths as well, which I never got from private therapy.

 

Anyway, I found them helpful, agree whatever works, it's really a personal and very individual choice.

 

You might even try doing both! The private therapist may also monitor a support group, mine did.

 

Good luck whatever path you choose!

Edited by katrina1980
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Have a look at these videos by Alain de Botton. They are wonderfully produced and really highlight the benefits of therapy.

 

 

 

I've been in therapy for about a year now. I sometimes see the benefits of it but most often enjoy that someone will listen to me drone on for an hour about whatever is on my mind. I think the long term benefits happen after years of dedication to it. It's like the subtle whisper in your ear of how things could be different, how you could react and perceive things differently.

 

There are different types of therapy and they all have their merits. I think that for something like a breakup, psychotherapy is probably the most beneficial. There is just no point in trying to change your thoughts/change your feelings (CBT) when you are completely running on emotions. Almost nothing will change those feelings until they run their course. I think that CBT is useful when things settle down a bit and youre ready to make some surface level changes.

 

Dont feel embarrassed about going. Its not like you have to check-in to your therapist on facebook where everyone can see. Besides, you'd be amazed at the people you see coming and going from a therapist's office. You might even embarrassingly bump into someone you know (happened once).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If you're in the US and your employer has an Employee Assistance Program (EAP), you can use the 3 free sessions to learn whether a therapist is a good fit for you. I compared the list of EAP providers with the list of providers in my insurance network, so I narrowed my list down to providers on both lists in case I'd want to continue working with my EAP provider.

 

Another option, if you're in school, your tuition covers mental health counseling on campus.

 

People have no problem hiring a plumber or a dentist or a tax expert for 'practical' matters, but what could be more practical than your quality of life? Hiring an expert to teach us coping skills to move through our most difficult times makes sense to me, and I'm glad to hear that your Mom is supportive of this.

 

If you cry, then cry. Grab some tissues and lean into it. Think of it as a cleansing of anything toxic you've held onto, and trust the healing power your tears.

 

Head high, and I hope you'll let us know how things go.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wow, that's really interesting!

 

I did it as a teenager for a few years, but not as an adult. I honestly can't remember if it was helpful to me or not. I think it was probably helpful though, because I saw a lot of other kids coping with problems like mine. Often, their circumstances worse. Lots of foster kids and such. And I made friends, which was helpful. But a kid's experience is a lot different than an adult's. The therapists were authority figures to us (and we were united in rebellion!), whereas an adult would view a therapist as more of a peer and take a more mature view of the situation.

Before EMDR I was constantly overwhelmed by people’s “ noise” or emotion/energy output. I could even hear it from people on here just their typed word . Just type the words I could feel the person’s energy. It was like never ending chatter in my head . After EMDR I can close that out . I would say I have less of an empathetic /psychic experience. I still feel energies just not as intensely . But that’s why I always avoided groups where there would be high amounts of emotion . It was unbearable.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...