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It is so easy for him to hit me, but leaving him isn't so simple.


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I apologize for the lengthy post, but I figured the near-whole story is better than just the highlights.

 

Some details:

-I am a 24 year old graduate student working on my PhD in chemistry.

-He is a 31 year old that has a couple of rotating jobs.

-We have been together for over a year.

-We live in a house we rent together. (lease ends in 6 months)

-We have a dog together. (I have recently --secretly-- registered our dog on "American Kennel Club", and only listed myself as the owner)

 

The first time he physically hurt me was about 2-3 months into the relationship. He slapped me across the face. After that, he has intermittently been abusing me until now. When he does, it consists of strangling, slapping, punching, kicking, or just the general pushing to the ground, etc. Although I don't think anything warrants physical abuse from a partner, in the beginning, I was definitely a little immature in the relationship. Even though that was over a year ago, I think I have matured a lot since then, and in general gotten used to our relationship and how he is as a person. I was definitely spiteful and immature in the beginning, which I think definitely sparked his abusive behaviors.

 

In the beginning, each time it happened I would say I am done, the relationship was over. This would always result in more anger and fighting from him. Eventually it got so bad about 7-8 months in that we did end it. By that point we were living together, so I kicked him out (police were involved) and he was living in hotel rooms for a week, and then I caved and let him back in. He offered to buy me a puppy as a gift (dogs are my weak point), and I said yes. He gave me $2,500 to buy a golden retriever puppy from a breeder, and that is how we got Cooper. Cooper is 6 months old now. A little after we got Cooper, I honestly thought things were getting better. We still fought, but it was much more infrequent, and physically, I was starting to fight back. From month 10 in our relationship to month 13, things generally seemed pretty good. Like I said we still had intense fights a handful of times, but is was do-able. I think I learned that it is impossible to get angry at him. Which sucks. Even when he is annoying me, or has actually done something to piss me off, I can't make a fuss out of it, because if I do I know that I will be the one who will get physically hurt. So I have learned to not get mad or annoyed with him.

 

I am now in month 14 of the relationship, and things are getting bad, possibly the worst it has been. We have already had 3 really bad fights and just in general had many nights that weren't necessarily fighting, but we did not go to bed on good terms. The most recent fight was yesterday: my boyfriend got mad at our dog (he barked once), and my boyfriend hates barking. --Side-note-- my boyfriend is not a dog person, but agreed to get a dog because he knew how much I love dogs. Anyways, my boyfriend got mad at the dog, and screamed, quite literally, at the top of his lungs to "Shut the up". He does this all of the time. He will get extremely mad at our dog for the most trivial of things. Now as I said before I have been in the relationship long enough to know that I cannot get mad at my boyfriend. However, when he treats my dog poorly, I cannot control my anger. My dog is defenseless, and if I don't stick up for him against my boyfriend, who will? Anyways, I got angry with my boyfriend for yelling at the dog and started yelling at him to "Leave him alone". This didn't bode well with my boyfriend. He grabbed my neck and punched me right in the nose. At first I thought I was crying because my face felt wet, and usually when he punches me or slaps me my eyes start to water. However, I started to taste blood and knew my nose was bleeding. He saw my face and instantly felt bad and started freaking out that he really did some damage. He immediately dropped all of his anger and was trying to wipe the blood away. I ran to the bathroom and I was covered in blood, and it was dripping everywhere. This is definitely the first time he has hit me hard enough where there is a large amount of blood.

 

Anyways, he calmed down, got mad again, destroyed the WiFi router box, the Roomba, a potted plant, and a set of wine glasses. And then he calmed down for the night. That is typically how his outbursts go: he hurts me, calms down, destroys some things in the house, calms down.

 

I think the blood is what really scared me. My relationship with him has been a ride of abusive firsts. The first time he slapped me, the first time he strangled me, the first time he spit in my face, the first time he kicked the dog... etc. And I notice a trend with this, if once it has happened once, he will 100% do it again. So now that he has punched me that hard so blood poured out and I can barely touch my nose today, I know he will know it is okay to do it again. I keep thinking about all of the other firsts that haven't happened but could happen: break a bone, send me to the ER, use a knife on me, possibly kill me. He is not mentally stable. If you are rolling your eyes at me scared he will kill me... he would if he was pushed to. When he gets angry, there is nothing stopping him. He will purposefully ruin his life if that's his train of thought when he is mad.

 

Also, I have noticed either I am getting worse at fighting him back, or he is getting better. Just this month, every time I have gone to defend myself, it is a miserable fail.

 

Now you are thinking: just leave him and be done. And I am going to give the cliché answer that I love him. But there are many other logistical reasons as to why I cannot leave him. And I will get to those. But I do love him. When things are good, we get along very well. But then I think to myself, I can get along with many guys, that aren't mentally unstable and abusive. I was thinking about it today, and I realized the only core things my boyfriend gives me that your average boyfriend wouldn't already give you is absolute commitment and can fix my jeep for free. When I say absolute commitment, I mean it. I have never had a boyfriend so committed to me before. He moved from Ohio to Virginia just to live with me. I am thinking of moving to Portland Oregon for law school sometime in the near future, and he said he was fine with that, and he will come too. He is completely committed to me. And honestly, that is something I haven't found in previous relationships. And the whole fixing my jeep for free is great too, because it seems to always have an issue.

 

But logistically, it is also hard to break-up for several reasons.

One: he is crazy and might try to kill me, the one time I broke up the relationship for a week, I had to call the police, and they were there to escort him away. Back then he moved into my apartment, and only I was on the lease, so I had a legal right to have him escorted away. We have since moved in together in a house.

Two: We are currently both in a lease together on this house that doesn't end for another 6 months. We are both on the lease and therefore legally bound to pay the rent. And unfortunately I cannot afford two rents, so I will be staying in the house. And there is no way to kick him out. He has a legal right to stay in that house, and I can guarantee you, he will not leave.

Three: Everything in the house is mostly owned between us. Pretty much all of the furniture we bought half/half... so I'm not sure how that would work logistically.

Four: Our dog. Now: I have tried to make some precautionary measures with Cooper and had him registered only under my name. When dealing with the breeder, I bought him. My name is on all of the papers, all email correspondence was through me. The only thing is, the money came from my boyfriend. I really don't think my boyfriend would try and put up a fight and try and take Cooper if we were to break-up, because he really isn't a dog person. But I will never let him take Cooper. I'd rather spend the rest of my life with my boyfriend if that's what it means to get Cooper.

Five: This is probably the worst excuse, but my pride would be shot to hell. I unfortunately have been one of those people on Facebook that has shared a decent amount of pictures of my boyfriend and I. I can just picture it... the horrible reactions of eye-rolls and "I told you so" from people on Facebook when they realize that I have removed the "In a relationship with..." Again, I know that is a horrible excuse to not break up... I shouldn't have even of typed it.

 

Well obviously I can't paint the entire picture of our relationship, but I figure that's enough to get a general image. I can of course answer any questions or clear any confusions up.

 

Any and all advice is accepted, I would even like hearing past similar experiences and how you dealt with them.

 

Thank you. ❤️

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Not if you got a restraining order, which of course you should. He can get a police escort to get his stuff.

Two: We are currently both in a lease together on this house that doesn't end for another 6 months. And there is no way to kick him out. He has a legal right to stay in that house

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Surprisingly he is not like that. When he is not angry, he is not manipulative or controlling. He is just a pretty chill guy. Unfortunately all of my family is several hundreds of miles away, however I do have a great friend group I have made since starting grad school. My boyfriend is friends with them too. It isn't that I'm scared day to day when I wake-up or come home from school. It is just when he is angry that he is mentally unstable. Which... is typically predictable. He will only get angry if I get mad or annoyed at him ofr something. But I can't not get mad when it involves my dog.

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Not if you got a restraining order, which of course you should. He can get a police escort to get his stuff.

 

Exactly. And it's important to get everything documented. I'd also avoid breaking up with him home alone and when you do already have an action plan and like Wiseman said restraining order and police. The logistic reasons you gave are easily solved.

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I got out of an abusive marriage with pets.

 

He bought you a dog and therefore "anchored" you and insured that you will not leave. Make sure vet records are in your name only and go to a new vet if you have to.

Yes, you can leave. do you have a relative or friend you can stay with for a few days or weeks to get safe?

I would make sure you have copies of important papers in your purse or a bag. your birth certificate, ssn, copies of bank info, etc, and bring it with you every day to work or class. make it look normal to carry that bag, and also when he is not home, take a larger bag out with you to the car every day so that neighbors are used to seeing you come and go with it so that they don't mention anything odd to him.

 

Then one day, don't come back. take cooper with you -- a couple days of food and his main items -- you can always buy more food, and you will have another sofa someday, too.

When you are out, you can ask the landlord to release you from the lease and explain the circumstances and they may release you and its up to your boyfriend to find a roommate or you pay a pentalty to end the lease.

 

I got out with my pets, a few family heirlooms and photos and some pet supplies - and basic clothing.

I had previously taken a few small things here and there to a friends -- he hated a particular painting so i "gifted" it to the friend but the fried was "in on it" and knew that they were just holding on to it for me. (a relative painted it so i wanted to keep it)

 

Identify a few irreplacable items (great grandmas wedding photo, etc) and get them to a safe deposit or a friend or family member and then remember the rest -- the spaghetti strainer, the wastebasket are all just stuff.

 

you may end up with the rest of your stuff in the end - who knows - but you need to get out. And also call the police...get a papertrail - get a restraining order.

 

Honestly, who cares about facebook. hide your relationship status or keep it the same. It doesn't matter what facebook says.

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Surprisingly he is not like that. When he is not angry, he is not manipulative or controlling. He is just a pretty chill guy. Unfortunately all of my family is several hundreds of miles away, however I do have a great friend group I have made since starting grad school. My boyfriend is friends with them too. It isn't that I'm scared day to day when I wake-up or come home from school. It is just when he is angry that he is mentally unstable. Which... is typically predictable. He will only get angry if I get mad or annoyed at him ofr something. But I can't not get mad when it involves my dog.

 

Almost every abuser is "amazing" when they're not being abusive... the problem is that they're... abusive and the abuse tends to get worse and worse and the "non abusive" moments less and less as he realises gradually what he can get away with. Abuse almost always escalate. Don't expect him to change and stop abusing you... he won't.

 

Your life is more important than social media.

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I really appreciate the advice from everyone. It warms me up so much that complete strangers are willing to put in the time to write a reply to me.

 

Unfortunately, I cannot move back home with family. I am determined to at least get my Masters of Science before ending school here in Virginia. After that I would like to go to a law school out in Oregon, which I envision my new life starting. Until then, I would have to stay here in Virginia and finish my degree. I know when comparing education and abuse, education seems trivial. But it means everything to me. If I move back home now, (Massachusetts) I will forfeit all of the work I have done on my thesis, and would have to start over again.

 

However, reading all of your comments really just makes me want to move out of the house. I have a really nice landlord, this lovely old man. I'm sure if he knew my situation he would release me from the lease, or at least let me pay a penalty, instead of footing half of the rent until August. I think my next move is finding a new place to live on my own with Cooper. While I have many friends who would have open door policies with me, I don't want to burden them too much, seeing as we are all full-time students. But I will start to look for new rents that I can afford on my own.

 

And to all of the social media comments, I know 1000% you are all right. I just have this annoying pride about me and I like everyone to think that everything in my life is perfect. I know this is stupid, but I honestly think it is a self-confidence issue or something. But you guys are all right... screw social media. I might raise a few eyebrows, but there will be a drama the next day people can focus on.

 

Again, thank you all so much for the advice. You have no idea how much it means to me.

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I got out of an abusive marriage with pets.

 

He bought you a dog and therefore "anchored" you and insured that you will not leave. Make sure vet records are in your name only and go to a new vet if you have to.

Yes, you can leave. do you have a relative or friend you can stay with for a few days or weeks to get safe?

I would make sure you have copies of important papers in your purse or a bag. your birth certificate, ssn, copies of bank info, etc, and bring it with you every day to work or class. make it look normal to carry that bag, and also when he is not home, take a larger bag out with you to the car every day so that neighbors are used to seeing you come and go with it so that they don't mention anything odd to him.

 

Then one day, don't come back. take cooper with you -- a couple days of food and his main items -- you can always buy more food, and you will have another sofa someday, too.

When you are out, you can ask the landlord to release you from the lease and explain the circumstances and they may release you and its up to your boyfriend to find a roommate or you pay a pentalty to end the lease.

 

I got out with my pets, a few family heirlooms and photos and some pet supplies - and basic clothing.

I had previously taken a few small things here and there to a friends -- he hated a particular painting so i "gifted" it to the friend but the fried was "in on it" and knew that they were just holding on to it for me. (a relative painted it so i wanted to keep it)

 

Identify a few irreplacable items (great grandmas wedding photo, etc) and get them to a safe deposit or a friend or family member and then remember the rest -- the spaghetti strainer, the wastebasket are all just stuff.

 

you may end up with the rest of your stuff in the end - who knows - but you need to get out. And also call the police...get a papertrail - get a restraining order.

 

Honestly, who cares about facebook. hide your relationship status or keep it the same. It doesn't matter what facebook says.

 

This is such amazing advice... I am sorry that you had to go through this abit... gratifying to see that you have come out the other side and can provide hope for the OP to do the same.

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Good Lord! Stop with all of the excuses!

 

If you want out, then leave, before he kills YOU!

 

I can't imagine any lease that would be binding if your life is at risk. Have you contacted an abuse hotline regarding your rights?

 

Point #5 is crazy. I think that your friends would think t would be insane to be with a guy like this. Have you told friends and family? If not, why not?

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Your story is so disturbing, for a number of reasons.

 

Firstly, what he is doing to you is very scary and you are in a terrifying position.

 

Secondly, I'm not quite sure that you realize it. At times it seems like you do but other times you mention things that really have me wondering if you realize the seriousness of this.

 

You make excuses for him and speak as if all this is somewhat normal. He is very nice when he's not punching you???? That he fixes your car is a bonus? You'll stay with him forever so that you can have the dog??? Girl, he will kill that dog AND you if you don't get out of there. You are worried about social media - facebook... but if I was you I would be worried that I would end up all over worldwide media for reasons far far far worse than a breakup. Stop saying he is nice, he is committed. Please stop thinking these things because they DO NOT MATTER. They stopped mattering when he slapped you the first time.

 

Everything has to come to a stop right now. All you should be figuring out right now is how to get yourself and the dog out of there safely. I advise you to take abitbroken's advice and do your research carefully on getting out safely.

 

You are so young. Please do everything not to make yourself a statistic.

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Where will Cooper go when he eventually murders you or puts you in a coma? Or when he kills your dog? It doesn't matter what kind of degrees you want to pursue, you need to educate yourself on domestic violence. Don't be irresponsible and foolish. Unfortunately the first time he kills you or your dog will be the last.

it consists of strangling, slapping, punching, kicking, or just the general pushing to the ground, etc. He will get extremely mad at our dog for the most trivial of things. destroyed the WiFi router box, the Roomba, a potted plant, and a set of wine glasses. The first time he slapped me, the first time he strangled me, the first time he spit in my face, the first time he kicked the dog... etc.
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But logistically, it is also hard to break-up for several reasons.

One: he is crazy and might try to kill me, the one time I broke up the relationship for a week, I had to call the police, and they were there to escort him away.

So, you rather risk being killed than breaking up with him?? Really?

 

Call the police and get a restraining order. It CAN be done.

 

I also strongly advise you seek professional counselling/therapy to help you figure out exactly WHY you choose to remain in an extremely toxic, dysfunctional and abusive relationship, as it's just not normal (imo). Please, get help. The sooner the better. Choosing to stay with someone who physically abuses you .... well, that's on YOU.

 

I have never read such an extremely disturbing post in all the years I have been here on ENA. OP, You seriously need to get help and get out.

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Hi Rose,

 

I know it's scary. I know this won't make sense. But I completely understand. Let me give you some thoughts that are "typically true" of abusive relationships that may inspire some idea or path to get where you need to go.

1. You know yo have to leave him eventually right? You know that longer your stay the more complex/difficult it gets to leave correct? This is why it's always better to leave EARLIER than later. It just gets darker and deeper and harder to do the right thing the longer you stay.

2. There are always options - more than you will probably ever know. Be it shelters, assistance programs, or friends and family who actually undestand what's going on (even though you don't know they do) and are ready to jump in and help (even though you don't know they are). They are just looking for that "sign" from you to jump in and help at the same time you are probably thinking you dont' want to burden or bother any of them, they're so busy bla bla bla. Believe me, anybody who has had a friend victimized by abuse is SO READY to be there and help their friend out - just as many more than yo know are ready to help you. Promise me you will just let out the word to all you know , and just let them know yo are coming around finally to understand you must leave - and you will see just how much help there is that you'll wonder "why did i wait this long?" And of course if you don't know, or need help to do this, please call any abuse victims hotline or shelter hotline and they will be very happy to help.

3. Who ever said it woudl be easy? yes i know it's not simple. It's not easy. It's downright terrifying in fact. I remember calling my best friend on the phone one Saturday morning crying (I am a man!) and just saying, "i'm stuck... i can't see a way out.. there is no way out.." and it shocked me to hear myself saying this and truly believeing it. This is how the abuser programs the victim to believe and so all this difficult, scary, fear for your life, etc. - is the ABUSER'S PROGRAMMING OF YOUR BRAIN they've done to you to ensure you do not leave! It's all a hoax Rose. It's not real. Believe me it's not real. This is the same game every abuser plays on their victim (yes.. i am a male victim of a female abuser!)

4. The last part i want to address is your thesis and degree. I completely undersatnd that you look at it now and dont' want to "lose any work" or "waste any of teh hard work" you've already spent on this pursuit. But, history has nothign to do with it. Just like "easy" doesn't have anything and shouldn't have any influence on what we decide. To fulfill one's life you can't decide easy vs hard, you do what's right vs wrong. To life a fulfilling life you don't decide based on "what you've already invested in the past", you must always ask yourself "what would it require me to invest going forward.. what do i want to invest the time/energy i have left in?" Continuing to play this abuse game that's making it harder for you to succeed and waste more energy on this game? Or to break free from it and maybe redo a few months work?

 

I actually see it the opposite way. Look at how much time you've invested and wasted being a victim to this person. YEARS! If not decades! Do you really want to spend more years/decades on this vs ending it and redoing a few months work for a degree? You could probably get more out of your degree and studies without the abuse distraction in your life don't you think? Even write a better thesis?

 

I know how hard and scary it is. I"ve been studing abusive relationships for decades. AFter all that I myself became andn abuse victim as a male to an ex-gf (it was MY final lesson and understanding of what victim's go thru and personalize it so it wasn't just textbooks for me in the end.) And as a person who got thru it (many never do) - I'm telling yo. it's absolutely worth it to end the abuse FIRST and then go back and live your life including your degree. It REALLY is. tHE ANALOGY i would use as an equivalent is one's health via weight/diet and smoking. Yeah we can work real hard at our diet and weight maintenance - but it really doesn't matter if we quit smoking. The thing that makes the MOST difference is quitting smoking first.. then you can work on your diet/weight. Smoking is abuse. Diet/weight is like your degree.

 

Think about it.. please? and hang in there.

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Please watch "Dirty John". It just finished. It's available On Demand, and listen to the podcast. It's all free.

 

It's a completely true story about the "greatest" guy in the world, and how he swept a woman off her feet.

 

Social media? Afraid to remove "In a Relationship"? How about Facebook having to create one of those "Memorial" pages for you?

 

This is so bad.

 

Please, please, please, go to a women's shelter. DO NOT LET HIM KNOW you are going. Do not use your phone to call them. Call from another number. Do not look any of this up on your computer. Delete your history on whatever device you are using to access this site.

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I got out of an abusive marriage with pets.

 

He bought you a dog and therefore "anchored" you and insured that you will not leave. Make sure vet records are in your name only and go to a new vet if you have to.

Yes, you can leave. do you have a relative or friend you can stay with for a few days or weeks to get safe?

I would make sure you have copies of important papers in your purse or a bag. your birth certificate, ssn, copies of bank info, etc, and bring it with you every day to work or class. make it look normal to carry that bag, and also when he is not home, take a larger bag out with you to the car every day so that neighbors are used to seeing you come and go with it so that they don't mention anything odd to him.

 

Then one day, don't come back. take cooper with you -- a couple days of food and his main items -- you can always buy more food, and you will have another sofa someday, too.

When you are out, you can ask the landlord to release you from the lease and explain the circumstances and they may release you and its up to your boyfriend to find a roommate or you pay a pentalty to end the lease.

 

I got out with my pets, a few family heirlooms and photos and some pet supplies - and basic clothing.

I had previously taken a few small things here and there to a friends -- he hated a particular painting so i "gifted" it to the friend but the fried was "in on it" and knew that they were just holding on to it for me. (a relative painted it so i wanted to keep it)

 

Identify a few irreplacable items (great grandmas wedding photo, etc) and get them to a safe deposit or a friend or family member and then remember the rest -- the spaghetti strainer, the wastebasket are all just stuff.

 

you may end up with the rest of your stuff in the end - who knows - but you need to get out. And also call the police...get a papertrail - get a restraining order.

 

Honestly, who cares about facebook. hide your relationship status or keep it the same. It doesn't matter what facebook says.

 

Amazing advice and very inspiring.

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Good Lord! Stop with all of the excuses!

 

If you want out, then leave, before he kills YOU!

 

I can't imagine any lease that would be binding if your life is at risk. Have you contacted an abuse hotline regarding your rights?

 

Point #5 is crazy. I think that your friends would think t would be insane to be with a guy like this. Have you told friends and family? If not, why not?

 

Agree. Abuse almost always escalates and doesn't get better and if it's at this point already...

 

Also if you have children with this man you'll be introducing them to the cycle of abuse.

 

Your survival is detrimental for your education goals. You can't take your PHD if you're not alive to take it. And if your friends are good friends they rather see you safe and happier than being beaten and abused by a monster just so you keep the appearances. Also if you have family I'm sure they'd help and shelter you if they knew your life is in risk. Or that a friend would help you through this. Asking for help and support is not a sign of failure. Abusers thrive on isolating their victims. He chose you to be his victim probably because he saw that your fear of showing your life is not perfect and asking for help would keep you from leaving and from getting help. Or maybe he manipulated you and isolated you so that you think this.

 

I haven't been through such violent abuse like you, but I was in a very abusive relationship many years ago that in the end when I finally left was already beginning to become physical. You'll be surprised with how many people are willing to help you if you ask for help. I strongly advise at least calling an abuse hotline. They'll know how to advise you and what you need to do to escape safely.

 

And sorry for all my rambling and probably incoherence but I'm very disturbed by this thread and very concerned about you.

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It sounds like we are all trying to scare you.

 

And actually, we are. We are all trying to scare you into being smart, responsible, and safe. We don't even know you, but we care about you.

 

This isn't just a bunch of people on the internet typing a bunch of stuff. Please read all of these posts, and get a plan together, immediately.

 

And stop making excuses. Social media, degree that you want to get, the dog. Just take care of yourself, bring the dog, get out of there. Please, today.

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Honey. Sister. Girl. Please, for your life and your safety, please leave him. Get the dog. Get a restraining order on him. Find a women’s shelter. Who cares about all of the stuff - it won’t do you any good if you’re not alive to even use it all. And who cares about what people think on Facebook. Just keep your well being and safety in mind. Please!

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Surprisingly he is not like that. When he is not angry, he is not manipulative or controlling. He is just a pretty chill guy. Unfortunately all of my family is several hundreds of miles away, however I do have a great friend group I have made since starting grad school. My boyfriend is friends with them too. It isn't that I'm scared day to day when I wake-up or come home from school. It is just when he is angry that he is mentally unstable. Which... is typically predictable. He will only get angry if I get mad or annoyed at him ofr something. But I can't not get mad when it involves my dog.

 

Its not surprising. Most people who have never been in these situations think text books describe everything perfectly and that abusers are predictable caricatures. So you kinda have to try to not allow your defenses to go up because people are basing their advice on what they read and hear about, its illogical to them how getting out can be such a huge mental process but it is.

 

 

the problem is that they're... abusive and the abuse tends to get worse and worse and the "non abusive" moments less and less as he realises gradually what he can get away with. Abuse almost always escalate. Don't expect him to change and stop abusing you... he won't.

 

This is very true though, trust me I went through it for years and as you stated each first means it becomes a regular occurrence and the more normal this all becomes the more 'normal' it will be for the both of you, its only going to get worse as he pushes that envelope more and more.

 

DO NOT LEAVE UNTIL YOU ARE PREPARED.

 

I realize some will think this is terrible advice but hear me out, I left multiple times, each time it was right after abuse and as soon as I calmed down, I went right back, it wasn't until this last time, where he actually left me and tried to come back that I realized that I didn't want to live like that anymore, by that point I had everything in place which helped me stand by my choice.

 

Another poser who said it is right, that dog was an anchor.

 

Talk to a trusted friend or family member, make a plan, act on that plan.

 

Go completely NC if you don't he WILL get you to go back.

 

I realize your emotions are high and you may very well convince yourself things arent that bad after you calm down. Things ARE that bad and it will get worse. Please give serious thought to getting out.

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I really appreciate the advice from everyone. It warms me up so much that complete strangers are willing to put in the time to write a reply to me.

 

Unfortunately, I cannot move back home with family. I am determined to at least get my Masters of Science before ending school here in Virginia. After that I would like to go to a law school out in Oregon, which I envision my new life starting. Until then, I would have to stay here in Virginia and finish my degree. I know when comparing education and abuse, education seems trivial. But it means everything to me. If I move back home now, (Massachusetts) I will forfeit all of the work I have done on my thesis, and would have to start over again.

 

However, reading all of your comments really just makes me want to move out of the house. I have a really nice landlord, this lovely old man. I'm sure if he knew my situation he would release me from the lease, or at least let me pay a penalty, instead of footing half of the rent until August. I think my next move is finding a new place to live on my own with Cooper. While I have many friends who would have open door policies with me, I don't want to burden them too much, seeing as we are all full-time students. But I will start to look for new rents that I can afford on my own.

 

And to all of the social media comments, I know 1000% you are all right. I just have this annoying pride about me and I like everyone to think that everything in my life is perfect. I know this is stupid, but I honestly think it is a self-confidence issue or something. But you guys are all right... screw social media. I might raise a few eyebrows, but there will be a drama the next day people can focus on.

 

Again, thank you all so much for the advice. You have no idea how much it means to me.

 

Your degree is not worth your life. you can also transfer, can you not - maybe repeat some things but still graduate? Could you take a few months off and go stay with your parents just to give you a chance to be away from him without the temptation of running right back to him? Also, there are people looking for a roommate and a pet is okay-- divorced woman who got the house but needs a roommate to afford it, an elderly lady who doesn't need care but would benefit from just having someone around even if you pass like two ships just not to be totally alone, other women in your program, etc. If you can afford half a house, you can afford to rent a condo or an apartment. the best thing that happened is that i could move away from where i was for awhile to remove all temptation on running back

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I'm sorry I cannot read your post, OP, because I am not able to tolerate animal abuse. You are an adult and have the faculties to leave the home and leave abuse. It is YOUR CHOICE to leave or stay.

 

However, your innocent doggie cannot make that decision, so little Cooper is in fact the real victim here. Please PLEASE take him out of there immediately away from this sick animal (and human) abuser. The thought of him mistreating a little doggie just breaks my heart. You're a grown woman - just leave!

 

(Disclaimer - I left an abusive situation when I was in my 20's and had very little means of income though working full-time. I've been there. It IS possible to just leave! )

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