Jump to content

Does “not caring” really get a guy’s attention


jaquiiiimez
 Share

Recommended Posts

women tend to be attracted to it more for some reason.

 

Where's the official demographic study of men vs women that shows evidence of your claim? You don't need to cite the entire study, just paste the paragraph that has the conclusive findings or post a link, thanks.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I used to be very shy around guys, and because of that I would inadvertently ignore them, I didn't do it on purpose but It was a fear response, and so it came across as aloofness and like I was ignoring them. I did this to guys I had crushes on who didnt know I existed, and also to guys that I knew liked me, whether I also liked them or not. So basically any guy that wasn't a friend.

 

And all of those guys moved on to date other women who gave them the time of day. And I was single for a long time until I changed my ways. Lesson learned.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Where's the official demographic study of men vs women that shows evidence of your claim? You don't need to cite the entire study, just paste the paragraph that has the conclusive findings or post a link, thanks.

 

tons of them.. go and look.

also, personal experience. The less i go after and try to push things forward with a gal, the more they come at me and initiate themsleves.

also, a lifetime of observation when i'm out and about. We've all seen this many times where a guy who isn't "emotionally available" or not treating a gal as well as he should - somehow the gal keeps doing more and more and more for him. how many times have you seen it the other way?

Also, popular urban legend has it that "women love to date bad boys" (aka #2 above). This is not some big secret. It's well known and you can see it everywhere.

 

if you DO NOT know this or think it doesn't exist - you're not paying enough attention.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My friend doesn’t believe me that if you ignore a guy. The more he’ll be attracted. And if he doesn’t care then it’s a good thing. Can someone help me help her understand

 

It can initially, for like a day, but it does not work long term. A girl that ignores guys in general can imply that she's pure and hasn't been around the block. That purity is attractive, not that part of being ignored. But once she starts ignoring you too then you move on to the next girl and leave that girl to her purity.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The correct question is: "Do men find women who demonstrate they've got an active personal and social lives attractive?" And the answer is yes. No healthy guy wants to be made the center of a woman's world, arguably at any point, but definitely not soon after meeting them. Generally speaking, when a woman is very keen to invest her time and energy into something like frequently texting, it's a good sign of trouble, even if not a guarantee.

 

Yes, you do have men who legit gravitate toward women they have to put extra effort into or "chase." I'd argue they're fewer and further between than people think, and that many are simply playing an active role in attracting them, but I digress. Feel free to entertain them, but know that if you want to make yourself something to be caught or a prize to be won, the novelty will be gone and he'll most likely move onto the next.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

In general yes if you ignoer somebody it tends to make them like you.

 

Yeah but for the wrong reasons. Some men (and women) will consider being ignored a challenge and it's the challenge they are attracted to, NOT you.

 

When someone (man or woman) truly, genuinely likes someone, being ignored may get them wondering, but it will not make them like them more, that's just crazy-thinking.

 

True for most stable people (again men and women) who are secure within and value themselves.

 

The immature folks who are insecure, have commitment issues and the like? Sure it might intrigue them mistakenly disguised as increased interest but it's not genuine, or real..

Edited by katrina1980
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

A woman worth having won't be bothered with a guy who isn't showing them at least equal interest. Perhaps those with low self-worth and a need to be needed may try harder. That goes for a guy worth having as well. He's likely not going to stick around past actually getting you. (more times then not). When you make the chase the main substance of your reason for interest, then the interest wanes once the chase (the game) is over.

Edited by ThatwasThen
Typo!
Link to comment
Share on other sites

tons of them.. go and look.

also, personal experience. The less i go after and try to push things forward with a gal, the more they come at me and initiate themsleves.

also, a lifetime of observation when i'm out and about. We've all seen this many times where a guy who isn't "emotionally available" or not treating a gal as well as he should - somehow the gal keeps doing more and more and more for him. how many times have you seen it the other way?

Also, popular urban legend has it that "women love to date bad boys" (aka #2 above). This is not some big secret. It's well known and you can see it everywhere.

 

if you DO NOT know this or think it doesn't exist - you're not paying enough attention.

 

Your personal experience is not evidence. I've read countless stories about how a girl dumps a guy because he doesn't give her enough attention. Perhaps very early on, a person who isn't very available has an air of mystery about them, and some might find that attractive- regardless of their gender. It's certainly more attractive than a clingy needy person that is all over a person they hardly know. But again it's not a gender specific thing as you claimed (and declined to provide any evidence other than "go look" which is about what I expected when I challenged you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If someone is not interested in you a priori, it's not playing this mind games of ignoring them that will make them truly become interested. Also, if you're playing games even if they work, people will come to you for the wrong reasons and it probably won't last.

 

Instead of playing mind games of push and pull, build an interesting life where you can be actually busy for real so that you don't make (and act like) a man the center of your world. As a bonus you also become a more interesting person.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yeah but for the wrong reasons. Some men (and women) will consider being ignored a challenge and it's the challenge they are attracted to, NOT you.

 

When someone (man or woman) truly, genuinely likes someone, being ignored may get them wondering, but it will not make them like them more, that's just crazy-thinking.

 

True for most stable people (again men and women) who are secure within and value themselves.

 

The immature folks who are insecure, have commitment issues and the like? Sure it might intrigue them mistakenly disguised as increased interest but it's not genuine, or real..

 

To add to this^^, I actually find this to be more true with women -- immature, insecure women with low self-esteem.

 

Just read the PUA sites, there are tons of various strategies these sites tout re how to get a woman chasing you.

 

I can't remember them all now (it's been a long time since I read) but they're all done in effort to throw the girl off balance, and get her chasing you.

 

Ignoring her for a time is one of them, and it works, again on immature, insecure women.

 

But there are men too who "get off" on the chase, who may become intrigued as well -- again disguised as increased interest but once she stops ignoring, and begins positively responding to him, he loses interest.

 

Bottom line, just stay away from people who ignore you, it really just serves no good purpose.

Edited by katrina1980
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yeah but for the wrong reasons. Some men (and women) will consider being ignored a challenge and it's the challenge they are attracted to, NOT you.

 

I never said what it was based on as that was besides the point. The point is - they become ATTRACTED and pursue you (moreso females... but any of these "generalizations" have plenty of examples on both sides.. w'ere just talking "trends").

And who's to say what is right vs wrong attraction? Attraction is attraction.

 

is it any better/worse, right/wrong that somebody is attracted to soembody else because they are being ignored vs being dominated?

is it any better/worse, right/wrong that somebody is attracted to somebody they are being ignored vs somebody who is blonde vs brunette?

rich vs poor?

powerful vs weak?

well-known celbrity vs unknown?

attractive vs ugly?

 

i dont' judge any individual's "attraction". It's not for me to judge as we all have our preferences and what we're attracted to.

Nor was that the purpose of the question or my response.

 

simply said.. yes. its true that some people will be attracted to people who ignore or mistreat them - moreso if you ignore females.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

He left me for his ex. Should I still wait for him?

 

If you're talking about that guy from you last post...it's not going to work. He's in love with his ex and he used you for sex.

 

If he did ever come back, it wouldn't be for good reasons and you'd still be the second choice.

 

Why do this to yourself?

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I never said what it was based on as that was besides the point. The point is - they become ATTRACTED and pursue you (moreso females... but any of these "generalizations" have plenty of examples on both sides.. w'ere just talking "trends").

And who's to say what is right vs wrong attraction? Attraction is attraction.

 

 

You said that when someone ignores a person, it tends to make that person like them.

 

And I said, no it doesn't, they like the "challenge" not the person, BIG difference.

 

But okay sure, who's to argue what attracts another, but for all intents and purposes, who the heck would want someone liking them, being attracted to them merely because they're a challenge??

 

Would you? I sure wouldn't! It not real.

 

Ignoring is GAME, and a crappy one. It's mean and it's hurtful.

 

Either that or they are just not interested and I for one lose interest when a man isn't interested in me.

 

But hey, if you tend to genuinely (key word, genuinely) like them more richey, become more attracted, when they ignore you, fair enough, so be it, it's your life.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Your personal experience is not evidence. I've read countless stories about how a girl dumps a guy because he doesn't give her enough attention. Perhaps very early on, a person who isn't very available has an air of mystery about them, and some might find that attractive- regardless of their gender. It's certainly more attractive than a clingy needy person that is all over a person they hardly know. But again it's not a gender specific thing as you claimed (and declined to provide any evidence other than "go look" which is about what I expected when I challenged you.

 

I'm not basing just on personal experience...

There's tons of books, psychological reports and studies...

i also base it on a lifetime of observation of tons of couples and relationsihps (i'm sort of a psychology of the human buff).

 

Again.. sorry.. but you're not paying CLOSE ENOUGH attention. I challenge you to go out and observe dating scenes. i want you to observe who the women end up paying attention to more (and especially the ones throwing themslevs at people). ARe those the guys that are pushing and initiating more? Or the guys sitting back and doing less to convince the girls to be with them?

 

Come back in 2 weeks and tell me what you saw.

 

As I always like to say. don't believe me. Go out and research it on your own.

 

BUT.. i didn't say it was all based on JUST my personal experience. taht was just 1 piece i listed in that whole post.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

IMO, there should be a balance.

 

Do not ignore, but do not overwhelm with attention either. It's a balance between being too aloof and too much of a white knight.

 

Strive for a balance, because too much of one tends to have the adverse affect.

 

That is what I observe among couples (men and women) and also in my current relationship, what works for us.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You said that when someone ignores a person, it tends to make that person like them.

And I said, no it doesn't, they like the "challenge" not the person, BIG difference.

 

It is a difference I agree. But a funny thing happens with matters of the heart.

Most people can't tell you WHY they're attracted to somebody (and most of the time dont' spend time analyzying it either - like we tend to do here on forums...). They just "know" they're attracted.

 

Now.. i never said it is the formula for love or marriage or baby carriages lol...

ALL I EVER SAID was ... YES it is true (more on the female side) that it is possible and DOES HAPPEN ... that people tend to become ATTRACTED TO people that ignore them. attracted to doesn't mean "like", "love", or "want to marry them."

 

And yes it is primarily due to the challenge, the intrigue, and the mystery.

 

But wouldnt' you agree that 85% of dating success - is getting your foot in the door with another person and grabbing their attention? The rest and how it ENDS UP ULTIMATELY - is up to the rest of what you do together and how you get along.... but as far as getting your foot in the door and getting one's attention....

 

let's not start associating tons of other things to what i said that i never said. Because i'm not insinuating ANYTHIGN ELSE beyond what the OP asked specifically.. and my speciifc answer.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm not basing just on personal experience...

There's tons of books, psychological reports and studies...

 

And you can't even supply so much as a link or summary for one of them.

 

i also base it on a lifetime of observation of tons of couples and relationsihps

 

I refute your claims based on my lifetime of success with women and relationships based on me giving them attention and not pretending to not care about them. I also refute your claims based on hundreds or even thousands of relationship forum posts I've read over last 15 years where I've seen tons of guys posting how they were left by a girl because he didn't pay enough attention to her.

 

As I always like to say. don't believe me.

 

You don't need to say it.

Edited by Normm
  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

In my last LTR, my ex chased me for almost SIX years! Yes chasing me kept him intrigued, challenged, interested and "in love."

 

I put in love in quotes because it turned out to be a misnomer in the end. Disingenuous, fake.

 

I say that because almost immediately after I finally accepted his marriage proposal (after him asking for almost 5 and a half years), things changed, HE changed.

 

He began doing hard drugs and I believe cheating (although I have no solid proof of that).

 

But things changed, for the worse, and I eventually ended it with him.

 

If that isn't evidence enough that ignoring, being aloof, distant, or or otherwise remaining this big challenge isn't the BS it is, I don't know what is.

 

Yes it does "work" on some people, but it's not REAL.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My friend doesn’t believe me that if you ignore a guy. The more he’ll be attracted. And if he doesn’t care then it’s a good thing. Can someone help me help her understand

 

Yea if he is a guy that values the chase over having an actual relationship with someone. In my experience, a decent and respectful guy is not going to pursue a woman that shows zero interest in him.

 

No one wants a partner that is needy and constantly putting their anxiety onto the other person. This is off putting to both men and women. What's also off putting is that if a partner is so independent that they don't make any time at all for the other person. There has to be some kind of balance.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

  • Top Discussions this Week

  • Our picks

    • 3 Simple Strategies To Ditch The Imposter Syndrome
      Have you ever felt like you're a fraud who doesn't belong? According to a recent article published in the International Journal of Behavioral Science, seven in every ten people have or will experience impostor syndrome at some point in their lives. We couldn't see our tribe suffering from this anymore, so we brought in the person who'll help you ditch this feeling for good. In this video, peak performance expert Shadé Zahrai joins Vishen to discuss how to supercharge your life and improve your self-esteem by constructing your own reality, leveraging your self-awareness, and regaining control over your inner critic

       
      • 0 replies
    • 5 Things People Who’ve Been Mentally Abused Do
      Do you know how common mental abuse is? According to The National Center for Biotechnology Information, 80 percent of the population has experienced some form of abusive relationship and behavior. However, despite how frequent it is, emotional abuse is still hard to spot. Unlike physical abuse, mental abuse doesn’t leave any visible scars; instead, it affects someone’s behavior, mindset, and mentality. This means some people deny they’ve been mentally abused, and others may not even recognize the toxic behavior. So, whether you’re reading this to be able to recognize emotional abuse in others or recognize it in yourself, these a few things people who’ve been mentally abused do are sure to help you be more empathetic and kinder.

       
      • 0 replies
    • 5 Polarity Secrets to Attracting Love that Makes you Magnetic AF
      In this video, I'm going to show you the 5 most powerful ways to create polarity in order to attract love. Think of it like a magnet. If you have a magnet, it is going to attract, but also repel based on its polarity. If you have a positive and a positive and you put them together, guess what's gonna happen? They're going to repel each other. Same with a negative and negative. But when you have a positive and a negative, they clink right like this. The key to attracting love is embodying your own sense of polarity, which really is the authenticity of who you really are, letting go of what you are not so that you can attract love easier than ever. These are things that completely transformed my own life.

       
      • 0 replies
    • 10 Signs You Are Fake Happy
      Are you happy, or are you putting on a fake smile? Fake happiness can be hard to detect, but if you know the signs you can spot it.

       
      • 0 replies
    • Do You Gaslight Yourself?
      Do You Gaslight Yourself?
      • 0 replies
×
×
  • Create New...